Daughters of abusive mothers
I found this forum while searching for information on abusive mothers. I thought I was alone. I thought it couldn't be possible that any other mothers could hate their daughters. I was stunned at the search results! There are thousands of web sites and articles about mothers who hate their daughters. Some people can't bring themselves to use the word hate so there are results that call them daughters of "mean" mothers.
My mother has hated me all my life. I tried so hard to get her to love me. I would have done anything just to hear her tell me she loved me. It took me fifty years to give up but I finally have. The last straw was when she said I couldn't bring my stepfather a birthday gift because she didn't get one. Her birthday came and went during a two month period when she wouldn't answer my phone calls. She was angry at me because I had gone to my nieces wedding which she hadn't been invited to. My daughter was the maid of honor and I love my niece very much so there was no way I'd miss the wedding just because my mother wasn't speaking to her. I called her several times during the two months and left messages and on her birthday I left a message. I had a card and gift for her but how was I to give it to her if she wouldn't see me or answer my calls. By Thanksgiving she was speaking to me again because I had gotten my brother to come from out of state with his son and none of us had seen them for several years. But just before Christmas she picked this fight with me over a birthday gift. ?? I've had enough and at this point I'm considering her deceased. I'm grieving the loss just as if she had actually died.
It's strange to be so emotionally heartbroken over her because she beat me and psychologically abused me from childhood. She called me ugly and stupid. She beat me bloody on several occasions and when I was fifteen I was taken from her and made a ward of the state after she watched my stepfather throw me through a wall and did nothing about it except to have the wall fixed very quickly. Once, when I was about seven she brought me and my four year old brother into the basement, made us strip and she beat him in front of me while I begged her to stop. She sent him upstairs and she beat me with a belt(holding it like a whip) until she was so exhausted she couldn't swing her arm anymore. Why would I still want this person to tell me she loved me? Clearly she didn't, doesn't and never will. She never hugged me or kissed me but did hug and kiss my brothers. My oldest brother could do no wrong as far as she was concerned. The second oldest brother traded places with me as the scapegoat from time to time but even he was told "I love you" from time to time. All I ever wanted was for her to love me...
I saw some posts from mothers who are estranged from their children and I read a bunch of them. A familiar theme showed through- almost none of them mention loving their children. Could these "estranged" mothers be the narcissistic, abusive type just like my mother? It strikes me as a distinct possibility. Otherwise why would their children, seemingly with no reason, just turn their backs on their moms?