Update on my mom

moonie_57February 2, 2013

Some of you may remember that my mom was given a court summons because she was taking things out of other people's yards. We went to court on Tuesday. The people that brought the charges against her did not want to let drop it but wanted to prosecute. It took the judge about 25 minutes to get them to drop it. He explained that she would have to be evaluated to see if she were competent to stand trial, and that she would not be found competent, and that after $1,000's of state money, it would then be dropped. He finally convinced them to take the $22 that the item was worth.

But, he did tell her that she could no longer drive, and that she could not leave her property unsupervised. She lives next door to me. So we spent Tuesday afternoon and evening with her demanding her car keys and refusing her meds. She became very agitated and walked up and down the street until late in the evening.

My sister and I made her a Dr.'s appt the next morning but she refused to go. The Dr.'s office suggested we call 911 and get her to the emergency room, which we did. Needless to say she was very upset and cussed everyone she came in contact with.

She is now in the hospital and they are trying to get her regulated on meds. Although, at this point, they are saying it is still possible that she will be able to go home, my sister and I are thinking that is not going to happen.

When we visited her yesterday, she was calm and somewhat rational, but still wanted to leave. Today she was very unhappy and very verbal about it. Hopefully tomorrow we will have a little better visit.

She thinks that soon she will be going home, and that she is going to never leave her house again so that no one can accuse her of anything. I believe my sister is going to try to take mom home with her. She, my sister, is retired but works part-time. She will quit work.

None of this will sit well with my mom. She is, and has always been, very strong-willed and independent. Honestly, unless she is sedated, I don't think she will ever be happy again. It's so very sad.

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Hugs Moonie!

    Bookmark   February 2, 2013 at 11:20PM
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So very sad indeed. I'm so sorry that all of you--your mother, your sister, and you, our Moonie--have to go through this. We all hope for good health until the end, and an easy passage from our earthly life to the next, but it often doesn't happen that way.

Glad you got a good judge, at least. How far away does your sister live?

    Bookmark   February 2, 2013 at 11:24PM
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Oh Moonie, how sad and difficult for you and your mom and sister. Shame on those neighbors too.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 8:22AM
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It is sad, Moonie. Playing the Devils Advocate, in defense of the neighbor, if you haven't seen up close what Alzheimer's or dementia can do to a person, you just don't understand. The cussing and agitation is all part of it. My heart goes out to you and your family. It's so very difficult. ((((Moonie))))

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 9:19AM
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I'm so sorry this is happening. I truly understand how you feel, my hubby has "Alz-like" symptoms. He thinks he's perfectly fine. He no longer drives and spends his time in bed watching TV. I hired an aide to help with him three days a week. He screams and curses when she tries to get him up for a shower.It's a hard road.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 9:49AM
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I've been where you are, Moonie. We were all in denial when mother first showed signs that something was not right. Like your mother, she'd always been so strong and capable of doing about anything.

No she can't live alone and it will be quite hard on your sister as the dementia progresses. So you and other siblings, if there are any, need to give your sister all the support you possibly can. You need to do a couple of things. Making sure her affairs are in order is key. Also visit and line up possible assisted living or nursing home arrangements. Ask friends, neighbors, co-workers who've had to make these arrangements for advice.

My heart is with you because it isn't a road you want to travel, but remember we're here if you need to vent.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 11:08AM
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    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 11:11AM
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This sounds so much like how my Mom was before we knew she had Alzheimers. At age 78 she started accusing neighbors of various things,we took turns taking her in our homes which only added to her confusion until her third fall which ended in a broken hip and arm and rehab. My sis and I had scoped out a rehap in a very posh nursing home so Mom sort of came in the back door and actually liked it there. She remained there until she died. Each of us brought her home every weekend and we 4 daughters took turns every noon and evening for those two years to be with her along with grands etc. It was the right decision as she was a danger to herself. You'll know what to do when the right time comes. I actually told my Mom she had the disease as she thought she was going crazy. She was glad I told her. She remembered all of us right to the end. I miss her even with the Alzheimers we had fun, she was such a good sport about it. God bless you and your Mom, she must be sooo upset herself.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 2:01PM
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It's a hard road I'm sorry you have to travel. I've never had to deal with dementia in my parents, but I was a caregiver. My best to you.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 2:07PM
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The court experience and sequel as an inpatient may be a blessing in disguise. I don't see the sense in your sister leaving her job and becoming your mother's *temporary* caretaker, but it's not my family. Can the hospital's social work department suggest placement options? What can you learn about the likely progress of her mental state? ONE move would be less stressful all around.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 4:23PM
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Have you talked to homes that specialize in taking Alzheimer's clients? We have several here in ND and they seem to be very good. One is a separate wing, but connected with a reg. assist. living complex. Some days they clients can even have lunch with their friends, medical conditions permitting. Also do you have a council od aging in your area? Have you talked to your local rep from the Alzheimer's assos. I did not know they had anyone like that until they came and put on a special program for our Senior Citizens. I do wish you the best.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 5:17PM
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I offer my prayers and sympathy to you, your sister, and your Mom. Difficult days are ahead for all of you; I'm glad you and your sister have each other for support.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 5:43PM
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    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 8:40PM
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Moonie, Im so sorry for your Mom and of course you and your sister. My Mom also had this horrible disease and it is so sad. My thoughts are with you and I wish the best for your Mom. Satine

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 11:22PM
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It is an unappetizing road that you folks are about to travel, it appears.

((((((Moonie ... Mom ... sister .... other loved ones involved))))))

ole joyful

    Bookmark   February 4, 2013 at 2:24PM
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I'm so sorry, Moonie. This isn't easy on anyone. I hope you can find a solution that works for everyone.

    Bookmark   February 4, 2013 at 5:37PM
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Hugs...I hope there are resources to help you and your mom. Better take along look at bringing her home - that might work against you if you do try to take her back - might be better to go from the hospital to "the home". My aunt is in a wonderful facility. At 80, she thinks her mom is still alive and buying her clothes. So glad we never went through this with mom.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 7:48AM
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    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 12:16PM
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So sorry you are going through this.
Do you have an accurate diagnosis?
My mother was "written off" as another little old day with dementia.
I said we could deal with it, but I wanted to be sure. I insisted upon chest x-rays and an MRI (she presented with extreme shortness of breath and severe headaches).
Diagnosis: lung cancer with brain metastases.
They were able to reduce the swelling in her brain, and the confusion, irrationality and headaches subsided.
While the outcome was not good, the avenue for treatment provided quality for her remaining days.

Take advantage of the dementia-care facilities/organizations/support groups in your area. Don't feel guilty that you can't "do it all" by yourself.
Sending hugs your way!

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 9:20PM
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Thank you, everyone, for all the kind thoughts, prayer and support and emails. I am sorry for not getting back sooner.

It has been a long week, but my mom is settling down just a little bit but so very unhappy to be where she is. As it stands now, she will be going into assisted living right here in my town. It didn't take long for my sister and I to realize that it would not be wise to try and take her to my sisters home. Like jannie's DH, my mom doesn't think there is anything wrong enough to warrant medication, etc.

Yesterday they tweaked her anxiety meds just a little bit. This could explain why she was a little better today. I think she only cussed a half dozen times and wished the place would burn down only once or twice. I have to smile just a little bit because there is a smidgen of humor to her behavior.

I'm hoping the weekend will go as smoothly as today did because at the moment she believes she is going home next week. The staff tried to talk with her about going into assisted living but she wouldn't hear about it.

Next week, making the move to AL is going to be the worst for her, I think. The AL administrator asked that we not visit for 5 to 7 days. That is going to be hard on all of us and I'm not sure that's the right thing to do. How do we know what kind of care my mother will get? Yes, this is in my town and I do know people that have been in there but we have no firsthand experiences.

In the long run, I just hope that she will find some kind of joy in life again and maybe even make some friends in there.

    Bookmark   February 7, 2013 at 11:02PM
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hugs Moonie-and listen to the ppl at the home-they'll be good to your Mom-and she will be MORE than happy to see you all after a few days-you WILL worry-thats natural-I too,went thru what u r going thru now-with both of my parents.....best of luck to you all

    Bookmark   February 8, 2013 at 1:57AM
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(((((Moonie and family))))))) I know it sounds strange, but the AL people have had lots of practice with this and this must prove to be the best way to do it.

    Bookmark   February 8, 2013 at 11:21AM
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