You ARE worthy of a nice organized home!

mommabirdOctober 29, 2012

I've been doing a ton of work to my house in the last 6 months since I got exDH's name off the deed. I thought it strange that least a dozen friends have asked, "When are you listing the house?" They then express amazement when I tell them I'm fixing it up for me, and my kids, not to sell.

I had a conversation about this with a very wise friend this weekend. She said, "Isn't it amazing that most people only fix up their house to sell it? I thin deep inside they don't feel worthy to fix it up for themselves."

Isn't that an amazing insight? We are ALL worthy of having nice, clean, beautiful, organized homes! I know when things were going down the drain with exDH the last thin I had energy for was cleaning and organizing. I realize now that height of us felt worthy of a nice home. Now that I'm getting life on track for myself and my kids, I want our home to be beautiful - and we are WORTHY of it!

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cupofkindness

That is a very good insight. I remember when we moved to our current city the housing market was drepressed. I will never forget the home we looked at where the husband was renovating an under-stairs closet into a half bath powder room. This was in a middle class neighborhood, so nothing fancy but still nice. It struck me then that the wife probably had wanted that half bath for years and years, but it took a depressed housing market and a move to get it.... and then it would never be hers to enjoy.

So we are constantly, slowly renovating.... It would sadden me to no end to change something substantially in order to sell my house that I had always wanted, but would never really enjoy or benefit from.

Good for you, Mommabird, for realizing that you and your children deserve better right now.

    Bookmark   October 29, 2012 at 11:53AM
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cupofkindness

For some reason, the web page loaded slowly so I clicked again hoping to save my post. Sorry for the double post!

By while I'm here, I'll quote this from Flylady:

"Your attitidue has to change from 'Why do I have to do this?!' to 'This is my home and I deserve to have a wonderful place to live. This blesses my home and my family, and most of all, me!' Do you feel the difference that these two staments make in your heart?"

    Bookmark   October 29, 2012 at 12:09PM
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jennava19

Mommabird, this is so timely for me. We are in the process of getting our home ready to sell. DH has fixed things that I have wanted fixed for years, small things, but yes, I would have enjoyed having them done before now..........

But with us, I don't think it is because we did not feel worthy, life just got in the way. Life, work, serious illnesses and several surgeries for each of us, traveling, retirement (with the reduced financial issues that go with that), all had a hand in our delaying certain repairs. NOW, we are in a tizzy. We have rented a house near our DD2, 400 miles away, and are rushing to get the house ready so we can have the realtor in next Sunday.

I think it is wonderful that you are able to fix the house up for you and the kids. You truly deserve it. ENJOY!

    Bookmark   October 29, 2012 at 6:02PM
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talley_sue_nyc

I need to remind myself of this frequently. Your friend's insight--that people don't feel THEY deserve it--is really interesting.

    Bookmark   November 1, 2012 at 3:53PM
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jannie

Here are some real-life examples. My Grandmother always lived a spartan life. She and her second husband lived in a tiny one-story house. Every year I gave her frilly feminine gifts for her birthday and Christmas, clothing, perfume and the like. She always was happy to receive my gifts. After she died, we found all my gifts packed away in drawers. She never used or wore anything I gave her. My own Mother was very frugal. She overbought and hoarded things,yeah, like on those Hoarding TV shows. She had dozens of rolls of toilet paper stacked in the bathroom closet. One day I pulled one out and it had turned to dust. Paper goods don't last forever. My guess was it had sat there 30 years, give or take.

    Bookmark   November 2, 2012 at 8:23AM
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trancegemini_wa

Jannie, saving "nice" things like gifts in the cupboards was something I used to do too, and then as I started decluttering I started to question why I didn't use these things, it was as though I didn't deserve them but this realization was really big for me. Now I don't save or preserve anything!, the nice dishes get used daily, the pretty soaps and perfumes gets used instead of hoarding them etc, that's what they're for after all.

I also agree mommabird, we all deserve a nice clutter free home. It's our haven where we spend so much time and just making our homes nicer for ourselves is a way to really nurture ourselves. We all deserve it, no matter how large or small our homes are. Even buying some new sofa pillows or a fresh color of paint can really lift our mood IMO

    Bookmark   November 2, 2012 at 11:13AM
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jannie

I've never understood living with things broken and rushing around fixing things when you want to sell your house. If you know how to fix things, you should do it now and for yourself, not for the next people in your house. That motivates me to put up that closet shelf I bought about 6 momths ago...

    Bookmark   November 3, 2012 at 9:08AM
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mommabird

Re saving nice things

This empowered me to wear a black blouse I always save for 'nice' to work today. It's been in my closet for two years and I've worn it once because I was always saving it for nice. It felt good to wear it!

    Bookmark   November 5, 2012 at 5:05PM
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talley_sue_nyc

yeah!

Today deserves "nice," too!

    Bookmark   November 5, 2012 at 8:08PM
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msmarieh

I am so sad when I see people thinking "this is too nice to use everyday" or "I'll save this for company." I really try not to think that way and I actively look for opportunities to use the things I own regularly. In the same way, when things get broken during use, I am very pragmatic about them and rarely get upset. They were used and had a happy life.

But with the fixing of things for the house, I'm inclined to agree with Jenna. It's not that my husband and I don't feel worthy (well with hubby suffering from depression, it could be a factor for him). It's just that real life interferes and it is low on the priority pole to do some of those house projects.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2012 at 4:59PM
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happyintexas

What a great thread! I, too, am trying to use stuff often and well. If it gets broken or stained, so be it. I'll mourn a minute and move on to something else wonderful.

I'm really struggling with decluttering today...and the words in this thread are really encouraging. I'm BLESSING my house, my family, and ME.

    Bookmark   November 17, 2012 at 2:18PM
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mommabird

Guess who is using the good china for Thanksgiving? :)

    Bookmark   November 19, 2012 at 7:29AM
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leafy02

I think it's a great insight, too. I do feel like I deserve a home that is pleasant to look at and fully functional. When I repaired and staged my last home for sale, it really hit home for me that I should have done it all sooner. It was so much more pleasant and more functional with half the stuff gone.

    Bookmark   November 22, 2012 at 6:35PM
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LuAnn_in_PA

Hey mommabird, we used the good china too! Almost a century old.

    Bookmark   November 22, 2012 at 7:30PM
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jennava19

I feel the same way leafy! I have been in our house by myself since we put it on the market on November 10th. So neat and organized, i just keep looking in all the closets and smiling! I was not a pack rat before, but after de-cluttering, it all feels much more serene. We are downsizing, and I am determined to start out, and keep, the new place more organized.

Oh, and we got a full price offer the day the sign went in the yard, even before it hit MLS. It pays to neaten up!!~

    Bookmark   November 23, 2012 at 10:26AM
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mommabird

Well, I had to cancel Thanksgiving because my son had the flu. I'm having it this Saturday - with the good china!

    Bookmark   November 29, 2012 at 10:10AM
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happyintexas

Congrats, Jenna! I hope you have a solid contract on your house.

Yay for the GOOD china!

I keep coming back to read this thread. Very motivating...

    Bookmark   December 3, 2012 at 2:00PM
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mommabird

Leafy02 said "...it was so much more pleasant and functional with half the stuff gone."

Thank you Leafy! I'm using that as my declutter inch mantra! I've taken 2 more trunk loads to Goodwill! It IS so much more pleasant with half the stuff!

    Bookmark   December 5, 2012 at 10:12PM
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leafy02

Yep. I've never been one to hang on to lots of old clothes or anything, but when I got my new job I went through my closet pretty ruthlessly and kept just the stuff I really can't get by without--I have ten days of work clothes (because of the heat in winter and AC in the summer, I wear the same light layers year round) and four days of "weekend clothes" and two sets of "going out in the evening clothes" and that.is.it.

I love going to my closet in the morning and having it be easy as pie to figure out what I will wear, and also everything looks so much fresher and crisper when it's not crammed in and piled high.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2012 at 10:37PM
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cozyfarmhouse

Hi Ladies,

I'm a lurker on this forum :) I've read every page in the archives and have purchased a few of the books talked about in past discussions. I started reading here after we moved into our new house one year ago.

Like Leafy02, when I prepped and staged our last house for sale I realized that I wanted to keep the new place just as simple and easy to clean. And, like Mommabird, I wanted to get all the little changes (paint, floor refinishing, fixture updates, etc.) done right away so WE could enjoy them.

I'm lucky that the new house has ample well planned storage. Finding a place for everything and keeping everything in it's place has been pretty easy. As I've unpacked I've used the "Is it Useful or Beautiful?" mantra and kept only what we really need and use.

My Mom, who keeps everything, thinks I'm a minimalist. I'm not. I just don't have a problem getting rid of stuff. Which is why she won't give me anything- I might not keep it forever. (I still have things from my childhood so I DO keep things, I'm just very selective, lol)

Leafy, about 20 years ago I came across a book at a thrift shop called Working Wardrobe by Janet Wallach. I've been using her Capsule Concept ever since. It's amazing how many looks you can come up with with a well chosen mini-wardrobe. When you buy less, you can splurge on better quality too.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2012 at 11:00AM
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talley_sue_nyc

Hi, CozyFarmhouse!!

You wrote: "I'm lucky that the new house has ample well planned storage. Finding a place for everything and keeping everything in it's place has been pretty easy."

I think this is the most important thing. It's not a secret that the first part of the famous organizing mantra is "a place for everything."

of course, a person has to be sure that she's keeping only the things that are needed (I count "it makes me feel happy when I look at it or use it" as a need) so that you aren't over-taxing your storage.

But still, you can't put it away if there isn't an "away" to put it in!

    Bookmark   December 7, 2012 at 11:33AM
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cozyfarmhouse

Very true, Talley_Sue!

I agree about keeping things purely because they make you happy. My family of fat little ceramic quail spring to mind: totally useless, but they make me smile every time I see them so they earn their keep. I think that is what keeping things that are beautiful to you is all about. (Although I see no reason why my functional things can't be beautiful to me as well...)

This post was edited by CozyFarmhouse on Fri, Dec 7, 12 at 19:53

    Bookmark   December 7, 2012 at 1:15PM
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plumfield

Good for you, mommabird! I remember when I had that revelation, too - it was like...why NOT live in a home that looks as inviting as a model home? Why NOT? Why NOT have food stacked invitingly in the refrigerator so it looks like an advertisement, at least sometimes? Why NOT keep my bathroom counter perfectly clear except for that pretty plant? Why not have coordinated clothes hangers holding a coordinated, simple wardrobe?

Why NOT have everything clean and delightful and fresh and uncluttered?

Why not, indeed?

    Bookmark   January 11, 2013 at 6:02PM
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mommabird

Why not indeed! Plumfield, I love that thought! It really motivated me when incontinent feel like doing something. I will think to myself, "I don't feel like doing X (sweeping the floor, loading thebdishwasher, etc)" then I'll think, "Why NOT?" It really helps me get going

    Bookmark   January 12, 2013 at 10:02AM
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mommabird

I forgot to add: a few weeks ago my dad was helping me install a new fireplace mantle. While we were working my 18 yo son came in and said, "Grandpa, our house is really legit now!"

I beamed all day. That's the highest praise I could receive from an 18 year old!

    Bookmark   January 12, 2013 at 10:07AM
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bspofford

Mommabird,
The praise from an 18 year old....and a male to boot! How proud and pleased you must be to know that not only are YOU happy, but your son is happy also!

You are the remarkable woman of the day.

Barbara

    Bookmark   January 12, 2013 at 11:13PM
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angela12345

You have been doing so much to fix up your home lately and get it organized and clean after clearing out all of the junk. Good for you !! I was wondering, what ever happened with the dishwasher ?

    Bookmark   March 3, 2013 at 6:14PM
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