My husband and I have found a home to move into together, after being married for 18 months. We are 62, and we always knew that living together would be a challenge for us. He's been on his own for 12 years, and I have never been married. He's a pack rat who has adopted things at garage sales and even off the street, some of them broken; once he takes something into his life, he finds it very hard to give it up. He ended up with everything from his first marriage. He only recently realized his daughter doesn't want things from her childhood and has been able to get rid of the old clothes, games, etc. I found someone to take the piano off his hands. He has cleared out many of his books and some music and videos, but he still has a LOT.
I have done better over the years at letting go. When we got married, I knew I would have to give up a lot when it came time for us to move in together. I hoped he would do the same, However, he has an enormous amount of furniture - lots of end tables, some nested under each other; 3 desks, one of which was his when he was a child; gazillions of lamps (I count 10 in the living rooms that I can see without turning my head). And decorative items . . .
There is so much stuff in his house that it is very hard to clean. I don't want to live like this. I am very disorganized and find it hard to put things away - out of sight is out of mind and it's hard for me to find things again. From the beginning, he let me know that he was worried about living with me because of my messiness. Also, he told me early on that he doesn't care for my style. I found his interesting as a reflection of him but, typically for a woman, I didn't tell him I didn't like it. I do - for him; but I don't want to live in it myself.
I have at least made it clear to him that I am highly anxious about this move. Part of the stress is that we have different approaches - I can already see that some of my things just won't find a place in the new house and so I know that I will have to get rid of them. He wants to wait and experiment with what will go into the house. There are also 2 big storage rooms in the basement, and he is thinking of just storing a lot of his furniture permanently there, I think. I would rather get rid of it.
For now, we are putting things into storage; we close on the new house in 3 weeks, make some cosmetic changes, I move in there with my cats and we start furnishing it.
When one of our houses sells, we will clear out any furniture we are keeping and have a big moving sale of the rest - rather than trying to sell things off now while we still have furniture staged in both houses.
I might be making myself miserable in advance about things that will get worked out. But he knows he has trouble letting go of things. I know that if I let them into the house I will live with them the rest of my life.I also know I can only change myself. So I think, maybe we shouldn't make this...