Sexless Marriage

invisibleDecember 4, 2007

Looking for something that helps...I represent the "problem" in the sexless marriage. I have no explanation why I don't want to have sex with my husband. We've been together for 4 years and we had a great sex life, then we got pregnant. Somewhere in my second trimester we stopped having sex because I was physically uncomfortable. My baby is eight months now and we still haven't had sex and I have zero desire for it. I am not breast feeding but still wonder if my hormone levels might be out of whack (Wishful thinking for a quick fix). I feel as if it's a chore at times and dread any intimate contact with my husband because I know where he's wanting it to lead. I love my husband but don't have any interest in having sex. I feel guilty and many times become depressed because he constantly complains. I just wish he would understand and give me some space. Sometimes I feel like if my child isn't constantly tugging at me my husband is. I worry where this will lead our marriage. I need something to get me back on track. I've taken several different medications for depression since I've had the baby and the side effects seem to make it worse. To be honest I'm sick of taking medications to try to fix the problem. Work has been a huge stresser so I've changed jobs, unfortunately now my husband it stressing about money because of the change, which is only adding more stress on our marriage. I have even tried to take the advice and force myself however I just can't tune in.

After reading many posts I almost feel worse...things that are affecting me are viewed as "excuses".. They aren't excuses in my case. I feel awful, embarrassed and ashamedfulling that I am not able to fulfull my husband's needs. Most days I AM running on fumes and am utterly exhausted. My husband and I are both in law enforcement so we both have conflicting schedules, which also leads to lack of adaquate sleep. I actually do have frequent headaches which seem to increase in frequency when I get sressed out.

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carla35

You know, when I first started reading your post, the first thing I thought of was sleep deprivation. It's amazing how much can be thrown off from not getting enough sleep. I know with a young one it is very hard, but I would make getting enough sleep a top priority.... no really, put down the book, turn off the tv and computer, forget about the dishes and go to bed. You may not believe how much your mood changes from getting more sleep. Make it a number one priority.

The other thing that 'could' be partially at fault is the fact that you may not be feeling that sexy. Maybe you are still carrying some extra baby weight, and maybe haven't had time to really fix yourself up or even buy clothes that fit and look good on you. Spoil and pamper yourself a little (in between naps). You may feel a little more frisky if you feel better about yourself. Set up a date night with your husband.

I really think and hope for your sake that it really is just a phase. Hopefully when the baby isn't so demanding you'll be able to get some more sleep. Is there anyone (your mother) etc. that may be able to help and take some stress off? Even if you have to pay for some help, it may really be worth it in the long run. Is your husband helping; could you be resenting him if he's not?

And, I guess I don't really understand this.. but even if you are not in the mood at all, can't you just give in from time to time for your husband? I mean I really, really don't like hockey games, but I've been known to go to them when my husband couldn't find a friend. Sometimes we do things just for the other person even if we don't want to. Is it painful or just god awful, or are you just way too tired....

    Bookmark   December 4, 2007 at 11:39PM
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popi_gw

Do you feel loved by your DH ?

    Bookmark   December 5, 2007 at 1:19AM
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