Did you get through the holidays without a fight?

scarlett2001December 30, 2012

My parents always had a huge fight at the holidays - it was practically a tradition. When I was growing up, I promised myself that I would never turn the holidays into a mess like that - but it's hard. People are stressed, tired, overworked, etc. I bit my tongue bravely this year, went out for a long walk once or twice. I wonder how the rest of you did? Is it the "Most wonderful time of the year" for you or are you also dealing with conflict?

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I honestly cannot recall the last time DH and I have had a real disagreement. As to the holidays, we've destressed them to a point where that's not a problem anyway. But mostly, we're just 2 people with one brain, and we generally either agree on things or can see the other's point, so there's no real reason to fight.

Now, I will agree, we've been having an intellectual disagreement the past few days. It's the result of the recent incident in a local police station where a person being arrested and processed overpowered the arresting officer, got their gun and ended up shooting 3 policement. DH is adamant that women should NOT be police officers (the overpowered one was a woman). I am just as strong in my support that there should be tough requirements for potential officers to meet and ANYONE who does--man or woman--should be allowed to serve their community. But that's not a fight, more of a debate, one that neither of us is ever going to convince the other to switch sides on.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2013 at 8:47AM
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Fighting isn't always a bad thing.

Most of the time, if couples aren't having open conflict, that means that someone is getting their own way. It's not healthy.

It's not good to fight in front of kids with no resolution - but it is healthy for kids to see conflict, to a point, and see it be resolved with maturity.

Obviously I'm not talking about abusive conflicts of any sort.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2013 at 3:09PM
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Unfortunately, no.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 6:32AM
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No fighting.
Holidays are a wonderful time for us, as the kids and their spouses come home.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 2:38PM
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Azzalea, how long have you been married? Sounds like you have reached a Zen-like accord!

Cheerful 1, what happened?

Amyfiddler and LuAnn, my congratulations! I guess most of you are doing better than we are right now.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 1:17AM
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Well, at one point when I was under the hammer trying to get everything organised in time and DH was doing something that didn't really need doing right at that moment, I considered snapping at him but decided the payoff just wasn't worth the bad feelings it would generate. And it wasn't that important. If we were late, we were late, we wouldn't be _too_ late. So I kept my mouth shut, and when DH was finished and pleased with himself for accomplishing his task, I asked nicely for a hand, which he immediately and willingly gave me.
So, the wise pick their battles. A big fight at Christmas would have to be about something really important for me.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 3:48AM
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scarlett2001 - basically didn't know how to pick my battles and keeping my mouth shut.

colleenoz - you're a smart woman!

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 6:43AM
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At certain times the differences in attitudes between men/women really show up. Holidays, weddings, etc. Suddenly they seem to be on competely different wave lengths. My DH coasts thru the holidays with great enjoyment, hardly turning a hand to the work that needs to be done. Even after scaling back a lot,I still have the bulk of the stuff to do so everybody can have a nice holiday. It doesn't happen by magic! And that's the time he finally picks to get involved...by criticizing, obstructing, refusing to even clean up after himself, etc. Here's the best part: telling me that I "do too much". He must still believe Santa and the elves bring everything.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2013 at 1:44AM
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IDK... I think it is the individual, not their sex.

DH helps plenty with the holiday preparations. He wraps presents willingly, as well as buying the tree, putting the ornaments on, and a myriad of other things.

Plus, after all this time together, he knows when to stay out of my way, and I know when to ask for his help.

Holidays CAN have "great enjoyment" for all!

    Bookmark   January 6, 2013 at 6:39PM
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No one to fight with here, my life is 95% stress free.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2013 at 11:31PM
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