No sex drive

carol1970December 27, 2012

About a year ago i discovered an email on my husbands computer to another woman telling her he fantisize about her. He is now 47 . I thought up to this point i had the perfect marrage. We saw a councillor and worked out thhings. We still love each other. The problem now is that i am the one initiating sex. We are up to once every two to 3 weeks. Is this normall? I have discussed this with him and he answered that he is getting older cannot perform like he used to. I am worried about this as i know he is looking at porn. I do feel fustrated because he is the one falling asleep within 5 minutes and turning his back on me. Any suggestions what i should do and where to look?

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I'm so sorry.

If I were in your boots, my first thought would be (assuming his drive was better until the affair came to light) that maybe he's actually having sex, just not with me.

If that isn't the case (& you'd likely have some sense of this-if he's never at home, or if he's always at home, etc), then maybe you could consult the counsellor again.

could be he's depressed, or he may be somehow punishing you.

I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2012 at 2:42PM
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I wouldn't jump too quickly to assuming the worst here.

Especially given your ages. It's nature's cruel joke that when we approach menopause, our hormone levels go haywire, often resulting in the woman being extremely needy sexually--but that's when our husband's drive is taking a nosedive. It's also around the time when men can start having physical issues that inhibit their ability to perform.

Before you jump to conclusions, get your husband to a dr. for a complete check up. Including, yes, the dreaded prostate exam. It's important to your relationship, and MORE important to his health.

Once he's gotten a clean bill of health, that will be the time to address other potential causes for your current situation. But one step at a time.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2013 at 8:57AM
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> We are up to once every two to 3 weeks. Is this normall?

Yes. Or maybe unusually frequent. I'm approaching that age and that's about all my body can handle anymore. Never would have believed it when I was younger.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 3:55AM
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"We are up to once every two to 3 weeks. Is this normall?"

I don't think so, and we are a decade older than you.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 2:37PM
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there is no normal. If it doesn't work for one, there is a problem. if it works for both, there is no problem.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2013 at 5:14PM
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While in completely agree with amyfiddler's statement above, I also think that if a 47 year old man is content with sex with his wife once every two or three weeks, there is most likely something going on.

Medical condition? Affair? Porn? High level of stress at work or somewhere else (kids/old parents)? Just not attracted to the wife (which would take us back to the "porn" option most likely)? Before I get slammed for this last one, remember we men are visual creatures, and I know men that love their wives to death and would never cheat on them, but just aren't attracted to them sexually it or not, it is a reality.

As a normal, "well functioning" 48 year old guy, I would think that there is something going on here. We slow down a bit as we get older, but not to this almost non-existent level.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2013 at 11:58AM
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