Confrontation with in-laws?
My DH is one of 5 siblings. His maternal grandmother passed away in 1991. I had given her some furniture and gifts through the years since I married my DH in 1978. She was placed in a nursing home and her home was sold to pay for her stay there. In 1991, her personal property was divided up my husband was not informed. They all live about 6 hours away from us. He had just helped his mother with her income tax the month before the property was divided up since his father had died a few months earlier.
Not only were his 4 siblings there when the division took place his aunt and her 4 children were also there. We learned of the property division when we attended his little brother's HS graduation about a month after it was done. His mother announced when we arrived at her home what all everyone got. We said nothing at the time, but my DH assured me that he would take it up with her later. We brought her to our home for a 2 week visit and still nothing was said to her about being left out. He was taught as a child to be seen not heard and he just couldn't confront her. The entire family is well known for sweeping things under the rug and being non-confrontational.
After about 6 months DH went over to visit alone and told his mother that we were left out. She didn't really acknowledge that it happen but didn't deny it either. She sent me a pair of earrings that belonged to his grandmother and gave my husband a couple of old framed photos of relatives. He has a sister who is close to my age who has always been jealous of me and who lead their mother around making most of the decisions in the family after their father's death. I blame this sister for us being left out. His mother just went along with whatever since she had just lost her husband. The other siblings other than an older sister were all minors when this happened. When we asked the older sister about it she said she wasn't given much notice and that she thought that we had been contacted and that we would be there. I believe her and we have had a decent relationship with her.
I have "hung on" to this for all these years and have not been able to let it go. I have had problems with them every since I married my DH. They are very stingy and selfish. Being left out has caused our relationship with them to not be what it could have been. After this happened we didn't visit for a good while. We seldom visit them now. They were never confronted about us being left out like I felt like they should have been.
The reason that I feel so bad for being left out is because both of my parents died when I was young and I desperately wanted a family. It had nothing to do with the material things. I would just like to have them tell me why we were left out. This has caused my DH and I a lot of problems in our marriage because I wanted him to speak up for us. It just has a way of coming up often.
Now that nearly 20 years have gone by and I realize we aren't getting any younger and I would like to confront his mother and sister and let them know how much they have hurt me and let them know why our relationship hasn't been what it could have been. I have talked to DH and he is fine with it especially if it will improve our relationship.
I feel bad that I can't get over this. I have decided to confront my MIL and the sister while we are visiting them over C-mas next week. I don't expect their behavior towards me to change I just want them to acknowledge what they did. I know that when we are around them things will continue to happen to hurt my feelings, but I just can't get over this? Has anyone here ever confronted their in-laws with anything like this? Also, any advice for doing this right?