My partner treats me so bad , but I love him, how do I fix us?

graciela21December 28, 2013

I've been living with my partner for almost two years now, and in the beginning I didn't know about his drug problem. When I found out I asked him to stop, for me. Well nothing has changed. He goes off with his friends and they always influence him back into drugs. It's been so hrs to me , I really love him, I even supported his ass when he wasn't working , which was a long time. I took the stress of paying rent and bills. All with a part time job. Even then he didn't appreciate what I did for him, he stole from me , flirted with other girls , to the extent of talking about having sex. I really think he has cheated on me. Well he just started working, with his druggie friend of course. Every time I get in the car I find blunts and lighters, I've even found remnants of weed. I flip out on him, and he gets angry. Saying it's his friends. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to stay with him, but he does no sacrifices for me. He was supposed to get paid yesterday , and he told me he hadn't . I looked in his car and he had money. So he lied to. He probly expects me to keep paying rent and bills while he buys drugs and rides his friends around. Today I resided that i would stop nagging him about the drugs, maybe that will fix our relationship. Sometimes he is so bad to me, he slaps me , watches me crying and just gets irritated.he insults me , one time he even hit me on my heart and then kicked me really hard on my leg. I was so messed up that day because he wanted to call the cops and my family. I didn't want him to , because I loved him. So I cut myself, well accidentally too deep because I had to get stiches. Which he forced me to go to the emergency room. He acted so sweet afterword , saying sorry , you know I love you right. Well that was a couple months ago, and still he acts like a jerk to me.i told him if u don't want to be with me tell me. And he says he wants to be with me . He always make me feel like the bad guy when he is the one that has done wrong. How do I turn this relationship around? How do I make us happy again, and him nicer to me?

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colorcrazy

Graciela, you need to get out, now. I hope you have a job that will support you. Do not tell him that you are moving. Just quietly get your things out of the house when he is not home. Get a new phone number so he can't contact you.

First, please read "The Gift of Fear." This situation is not healthy for you, emotionally, or physically.

Therapy may help you through this decision.
Best wishes to you.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2013 at 2:41PM
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scarlett2001

Graciela, sweetheart, you are being a fool. And I say that with love.

Also - there are no addicts without enablers. You are enabling him to continue his self-destructive life. He will go down the drain and you are circling the edge.

What you feel for this payaso is not love, it's lack of self-respect.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2013 at 4:05PM
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colleenoz

Sweetie, what colorcrazy and scarlett said. You've spent two years trying to "fix" your BF and nothing has improved. If anything they've gotten worse because now he's assaulting you and you sit there and take it, all because he says "you know I love you right" afterwards.

Not to put too fine a point on it, can you see how f---ed up that is? If he _did_ love you he would be the best person he can for you. He would be off drugs, he would cherish you instead of hitting you then getting irritated when you cry, he would be carrying his end of your joint finances.

He is using you so he can live well and have sex on tap, while he spends his money on himself and hurts you.

Leave before it's too late, honey. Don't leave a forwarding address, don't Facebook it, don't let your friends pass on your new address or phone number. You don't deserve to have this leech sucking out your life blood and your self esteem. Have a happy life.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2013 at 2:14AM
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joaniepoanie

Graciela...reread your post.... only imagine your best friend wrote it......what would you advise her to do?

    Bookmark   December 31, 2013 at 12:26AM
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azzalea

We have a few addicts in our family. You probably know these things, but in case you don't...

The first things drugs do is destroy a person's conscience. Right and wrong mean nothing to an addict--they only care about finding the money for their next fix.

Addicts lie. MOST of the time.

NO ONE can 'fix' an addict or their relationship with one. As long as you're trying to help him (paying for life's essentials, letting him get away with abusing you, etc), YOU are keeping him an addict. Most addicts really don't change. The few who do usually do so only after they've totally hit rock bottom. Helping him as you are, is keeping him from deciding to get the real help he needs.

Look, as the others have said, YOU cannot fix this problem. All you really can do is save yourself. Get out. Take some time to heal, and find a real man, who truly loves you, and won't abuse you physically, verbally and financially.

And just in case those words don't help you make up your mind--are you prepared to go to jail for this man? If the police find drugs in the car while YOU'RE driving it, YOU could be charged with the crime. And do you really believe this guy would step up and claim ownership of them to get you out of trouble? I doubt it. Whatever else you decide to do, please start squirrelling money away for the legal fees you no doubt will be paying sometime in the future, because one or the other of you will probably need to be bailed out and defended at some point

    Bookmark   January 1, 2014 at 12:00AM
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emma

Graciela, I wish you would answer Joanie's question, it is a good one. What if it were a sister or your mother? What would you advise them to do in this situation?

    Bookmark   January 1, 2014 at 1:09PM
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colorcrazy

Might be a "drive-by." She registered the day she posted this. So sad.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2014 at 6:10PM
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