Unhappy in a relationship

AsmoviousDecember 7, 2013

Hello everyone. I'm going to be honest and I'm hoping to get some honest answers. So let me start. We've been in a relationship four four years now and have a two year old girl. I asked her to marry me before the baby was born and gave her a ring. She said yes but has never talked about it to date. I've even brought it up before on two occasions and she didn't seem interested. She does wear the ring all the time. The first two years we fought heavily a lot. I sat her down a year ago and talked about her bad behavior. She has slowed it down but we still argue daily just not shouting matches. I work full time and she works part time. Her choice. I fell She doesn't do enough around the apartment. I do the cooking and cleaning. She does the dishes mostly 70% of the time. I wash my own laundry and she does hers and our daughter. She only lets her mother watch our daughter. I haven't seen any of my friends in about 8 months. I don't see them because it sparks an argument of the greatest proportion when I ask to go out and have a drink with a friend. I do go from 7 pm to 1 am. We have not had sex since before the baby was born. Not out of lack of me asking for it. I've brought it up to her but nothing has happened. I very unhappy and resentful. Honestly, around March of this year I found myself not attracted to her because of her negative attitude. We work at the same place and I couldn't get a promotion because she would not go to another store. I had talked about it for a year before she would need to leave and she decided she did not want to leave. I ended up being transferred to a harder area and had to work twice as hard. since then I've plenty of trouble at work because I'm not happy with my position. I would have had a easier position had she left. I'm definitely resentful and I've told her about it. I fell very unhappy and feel if we would not have had this beautiful daughter who I love very much.*tear in my eye* , I would have left this relationship long ago. What do you think? I'd like to hear from women and get their point of view. I'm lost and worried about my daughter. Thank you.

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popi_gw

Well, I can see that you are very unhappy and concerned about your situation.

You have brought a child into the world, without a solid foundation in your relationship with the mother - so there was always going to be problems.

It would be very helpful if you went and talked to a relationship councilor. I am sure that all the issues that you have mentioned are just poor communication between you and your fiance and a skilled councilor would be able to suggest better ways for you to talk constructively.

At this point, your judgement is probably confused and negative emotions are ruling your thoughts and you need some objectivity.

Are you able to search out a councilor to give you some advice ?

Good luck with it all.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2013 at 10:22PM
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colleenoz

I'm not sure a counsellor will help but it's worth a try if you wish to continue in this relationship. Until it's fixed I would not take it to the next level and get married because if/when you decide to call it quits it will be harder.

It looks like you have a partner who calls all the shots, and you're not happy. She chooses to work part time, she decides who babysits, she does as little housework as she can get away with. She doesn't want you to socialise, doesn't want sex, doesn't want to compromise about work. I'm not surprised you're unhappy.

I don't think staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake if your daughter is good for your daughter- it's modelling unhappy, resentful people as the norm. You really need to fix this or stop.

If you split up, insist on shared custody and spend as much time with your daughter as you can. Be a good parent, not a guilty one; teach her to be a successful adult and don't indulge her every whim because it's easier or because you are guilty about the break up. Do normal stuff with her- don't be a "Disney Dad".

Good luck.

    Bookmark   December 8, 2013 at 8:56PM
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joaniepoanie

I agree you need professional, objective advice. I hope she will go with you but if she doesn't, go alone. If at the end of counseling you decide it will not work out, at least you will walk away knowing you did all you could. Your daughter deserves 2 parents who are happy and have a stable relationship...you don't have that now and she will pick up on the tension and hostile environment. I hope you can work things out and stay together, but there's also the possibility you may both be better role models living apart.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2013 at 10:05PM
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