How to succeed in marriage

amalikDecember 1, 2007

Marriage is like a plant it grows, with the other one by its side.

After 10 years of marriage we've learnt:

1) Do not confront your mate, one of you back down.

2) Be willing to die for your mate

3) Communicate; Forgive when you can

4) Keep working at your job

5) Journey with others married

6) Have friends and family

7) Be like a snake through the rocks of life

8) Ask GOD for help just this time

Good Luck and see you on the 20th hole - Shakilah Malik, Adina Malik, Shamila Cassim, Nisa aleem, Hanifa Malik

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amyfiddler

agreed except for the back down thing. I'd say negotiate and communicate - if you're not happy about something, confronting is a harsh term but definitely bring it up. Otherwise we end up compromising who we are- and for women, that's a promise for depression.

Talk, talk, talk.

    Bookmark   December 1, 2007 at 1:11PM
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Karen_sl

Also to have fun together. And it need not cost anything...we go to country auctions together. Sometimes we spend as little as $5 for a days enjoyment.
Also, hold hands and talk.
have a united front to others...in-laws and children.
Karen L
27 years and counting

    Bookmark   December 1, 2007 at 1:20PM
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micke

You know with all the issues with have in life at this very moment in time (and you just would not believe everything that has slammed us at once) never once has either of us considered going our seperate ways, we are so in love nothing could tear us apart, he is my best friend and my confident
(Married 14 years)

    Bookmark   December 2, 2007 at 12:50AM
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plasticgarden

DO not confront your mate?
How does that work? Kinda like living in denial?

I'm not trying to be rude,but for someone who has also been married 10 years,there have been plenty of times we've had to confront each other.It's part of being married.
It is better to air the dirty laundry then to let it sit and fester.Just my opinion.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2007 at 7:30PM
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popi_gw

Today we decided to go out and have a coffee, together, once a week. We live near a place that has some lovely cafe's, sort of a touristy spot, so we are going to make use of them.

We have been plodding away at marriage for 24 years, 25 in March.

Earlier this year my DH said he would take me to Paris in March 2008, but he NOW claims he never said that !!

Amy...your words are so true. I think we have to be on guard, not to get "lost" in a marriage. I am trying to remember who I am, in fact struggling with that at the moment. You words really made me think.

P

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 3:20AM
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amyfiddler

Ah p-

Just be careful. Too often, women will say, I have lost myself in serving everyone around me, in giving in to everything, it's MY turn now....and then women will do this self service thing which is more selfish and *#&$^ everyone else, I'm gonna take care of ME! Then, women leave their families and go a little bit Thelma and Louise. Rather, it's important that woman (particularly) learn to have a voice in the relationship. Don't just go along with the program for fear of rocking the boat - sucking it up and keeping quiet for the purpose of peace only creates havoc in our minds and leads to depression. Whereas, expressing yourself and finding a way to meet everyone's needs leads to honoring of the self and honoring relationships, which are in fact very important to us as women.

Just wanted to make sure my words didn't lead anyone to say "Take this and shove it, I'm finding myself!" Balance in all things.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 7:48PM
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cindyandmocha

Yanno, after 17 yrs, I can say, "just talk to each other -- even if you have to FORCE It". Yes, that's right force the talk if you want to stay married.

Yanno what? If he didnt want to be there, he wouldn't be. He's there for a reason so find out what that is. So are you. So tell him what that is.

Marriage is nothing without communication -- even if it isn't always easy.

    Bookmark   December 8, 2007 at 4:11AM
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popi_gw

Don't worry Amy...I won't be doing a T and L !

Yep, communication.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2007 at 2:06AM
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