I'm in love with a woman that is engaged

hopelesslyinloveDecember 2, 2008

I'm a young man. A little over a year ago i started a new job. On my first day i met this very beautiful young woman. Well i found out that she had a boyfriend and they had been dating on and off for 3 years. So i pretty much gave up. Well we got to know each other from talking at work all the time. Towards the end of Jan into Feb they had some problems. They was still together though. Well one day at work she got my phone number from another person. We started textng while we was at work and when she went home to this guy. Well they broke up. After about two weeks i asked her to come over and hang out with me and some friends. She did. Nothing happened we just hung out. But soon after. She went back to him cuz he promised to change. Well then over the next 3 months we would text and flirt constantly. In this time he asked her to marry him. She accepted. But she still flirted big time with me. Once again they had some troubles. Everyone at work could see there was something there and kept telling me to make a move. Well one day we was getting ready to go home. We started having one of our tickle fites we'd always get into. Well she won. She got me pinned on the ground crying. When she finally let me up. I grabbed her and took her behind a wall. Pinned her against the wall tickeled her and then i kissed her. Then the next nite she came and hung out with me again. At the end of the nite i walked her to her car. We got in and started to talk. We ended up kissing again and not as friends. The next day they broke up. After a week we started dating. We had so much fun together. We went out for a lil over a month. We both fell in love with each other. But her parents would poke and prod at her to go back to him. She couldn't take her parents doing that so she went back. For the next 3 months i would go see her at work everyday since we worked at different places now. She would still touch me the way she did, The way she looked at me she could tell me i love you with her eyes. We would still kiss every so often. She even said she loved me quite a few times. One day bout a month and a half ago they got in a fite and he said it was either me or him. She chose him. We went bout 3 weeks without sayin a word. Then one day i sent her a message and she replied. Now for the past month we've been talking daily and we'll see each other bout 2-3 times a week. IN this time she has kissed me and she has told me that she loves me but not as much as him. She tells me that about everyday she thinks she'd rather be with me than him. I had found out so much about her in the begining that i realized she is more than i had ever dreamed of. She is PERFECT!!! Shes the woman i wanna spend my life with. She tells me that she thinks that sometimes too. I just don't know what to do anymore. My life isn't the same without her. What can i do to get her back? Any advice?

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Actually she is not perfect in every way. There is a glaring red flag that you are choosing to pretend does not exist.

She has a glaring lack of integrity. And honor.

Imagine that you are engaged to the love of your life. And imagine that the two of you are planning your wedding, and your life together. Only to find out that your bride to be is playing all sorts of games with a guy she works with. And hanging out at his place when you thought she was somewhere else.

Not any guys idea of perfect.

On the other hand, if you sit and wait for awhile even after she's married, I imagine you will hear from her. You have helped to create this situation where she will always wonder if she made the right choice. When married life is less than she imagined it to be, I imagine she will call you.

And if you win her, and real life creeps in with houses to clean, food to buy and prepare, and dishes to wash, and laundry up to her knees...will you begin to wonder if she is playing games with some new guy at work? Because real life has a way of creeping in and surprising us with its responsibilities and stuff everyone has to do, that is not what any of us realized we were signing up for when those wedding bells rang.

The perfect woman (or man) is someone who behaves in a way that shows they are worthy of trust, and that they are people of integrity and honor, even during the hard times.

If she cheats, and is less than trustworthy in the good times ( and I would call being engaged to be married the good and fun times) what can you expect with such a person during the hard times, or simply boring days of life????????

Maybe she really has chosen the wrong guy to marry. Instead of fooling around with you, (while engaged to another man) she should have the integrity to end the engagement, and take some time to get really clear on what she is doing and why.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2008 at 10:55AM
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I am absolutely in agreement with Bnicebkind. She has said it all--well, almost. She did not comment on your integrity and honor.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2008 at 11:38AM
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Wow. Well put Bnice. I have little more to add. What was left out was added by Biwako. Excellent advice.

1. If she'll cheat on him with you, she'll cheat on you with someone else.

2. Sounds like she is very immature. Sounds like you are very immature. I think you should both really examine what you want from life.

Best of luck to you. I'm sure the emotional aspect of this is difficult for you, but try to seperate emotions from logic.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2008 at 11:54AM
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I agree with the above posters.

I also want to say,even if you get the girl,doesnt sound like her parents are ever going to let up on her about who they think she should be with,which isnt you.She couldnt stand up to their pressure once,you really think she'd be able to again???

    Bookmark   December 2, 2008 at 12:50PM
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Yep. total agreement.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2008 at 3:14PM
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"i realized she is more than i had ever dreamed of. She is PERFECT!!! Shes the woman i wanna spend my life with. "

Your dream is to spend your life with a woman who flirts with, tickles, and kisses other men?
Or is it a woman who says she's in love with and agrees to marry someone else.

She may be hot.
She may be funny.
She may be a great kisser, tickler and bedmate.
But she's NOT ready to be anybody's wife.

The other posters are right on target...

    Bookmark   December 2, 2008 at 3:59PM
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sweeby -
well said...

    Bookmark   December 3, 2008 at 1:21PM
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Well, there isn't really anything more to add, is there? What they all said.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 7:31AM
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she has told me that she loves me but not as much as him.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who loves you less than the other guy? Move on!

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 7:55AM
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Anyone else bothered by these new posters on the forum, who post and run, never bothering to respond to their own posts????

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 9:18AM
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not to quibble bnice, but would you respond after all this negative feedback? I can't help but wonder if he's in a corner licking his wounds and hiding out. What could he possibly say? I guess he could post, "You're right. Thanks for letting me know". But that's about it. Especially since he was probably looking for validation for his point?

I just envision him reading it and coming to his senses. Which is what I would hope this help we gave did. :)

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 9:30AM
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I am always amazed about the people who tumble to a sensational sob story posted by someone to get a rise out of the board of advise givers.
It's the "text speak" that gives it all away!

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 10:58AM
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so do you think it's totally made up and they do it.... only to get a rise out of posters? Amazing. What would they get in return? What happens if we ignore it?

P.S. I totally agree. It's why my answer was so short first time around....

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 2:23PM
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It's a twisted sort of voyeurism. Get'em in a lather, watch them foam.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 6:24PM
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