I lost my baby on Saturday night.
You may remember that we didn't want the baby. But Connecticut tragedy had changed all that and made us appreciate this gift from God.
I am sadder than sad.
Oh, that's dreadful. Yo have my sincere sympathy.
I remember your circumstances, I am so sorry to hear that....my condolences to you and your husband.
Thank you so much mkroopy and colleen. I really appreciate.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is a loss and a grief.
I hope the new year brings better things.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I am sorry for your loss.
My well meaning aunt said to me, when I lost my little one in 1991 - "you'll have another one dear". Aaaargh, made me cranky !
Be good to yourself. Your little one will always be with you.
I add my sorrow to yours. Losing a child must be the hardest thing to bear.
Oh gosh, I'm awfully sorry. Please check back in and let us know how you're feeling.
Thanks everyone for your well wishes. I really, really appreciated it. It really helped a lot.
I am doing fine physically, emotionally, better than I expected.
My husband, surprisingly to me, was really distraught and since he has recovered from that emotion, has been rather withdrawn since then. Here, but not here if you know what I mean. Not unkind, not angry, not anything negative, except just not his usual gregarious and loquacious (sp?) self. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he just pretty much says he's okay and then fakes his usual personality. I'm just trying to be as supportive as I can, but as you all know my history, I'm not use to "whatever you want to do, honey." That's not him and I almost want the "controller" back ... almost.
Anyway, thanks again.
Grief is unique to each moment and each person. Not everyone finds talking helpful, and the best thing you can do right now is allow him his silence.
Perhaps your healing will be easier than his. Perhaps not. At some unspecified future moment you may discover the grief has been there all along; you just didn't know it.
The only thing predictable about grief is its unpredictability.
Yes, Readinglady, you are so right about that! I cried for a whole week constantly, while I was home from work. I guess then I just convinced myself to move on. However, my husband went straight back to work, covering for flu epidemic and a very stringent schedule for that week, where he had to quickly lay aside how distraught he was, and continue on with media work. I think the grief is catching up with him now that his scheduled has returned to normalcy.
Sounds like someone who didn't want to be a daddy was very much looking forward to becoming a daddy.
Don't be quiet about this, wifey. Tell him how you feel, and tell him what you think of how he's acting. It would be best for both of you if you talk about it. If you feel relatively abandoned - concerning your own feelings as well as his - then let him know that too. I think this is awfully unfair of him. You say YOU have been trying to be supportive, but I sure as hell hope he's been supportive of you too. It sure doesn't sound like it. If he has not or is not giving you what you need, then tell him.
In my experience with grief ...I "accept" what has happened, cry, cry, cry...then find a small level of comfort, by looking for the "honey" in life.
My DH...I think he just buries his head in his work. He just doesn't want to accept that he could break down emotionally. He thinks it is a sign of weakness. I have found that not ALL men think like this. So I guess that people react to grief in different ways. I am "at sea" on how to approach him when he is like that.
I know what works for me, so I am going to stick with my system !
Thanks River and Popi:
River, you couldn't be more wrong. My grief is spent. He is still hurting.
While this was happening and while they kept me in the hospital the next day, we were both distraught. But even in the midst of that he was VERY supportive even through he was clearly needing help himself. He stayed with me overnight and although they provided something pretty comfortable for him to sleep on he sat in a chair by my bed all night holding my hand or rubbing my arm. I kept telling him to lie down at least for an hour or two but he said he was okay. In fact the only time he did leave my side was to go to the bathroom. He wouldn't even go to the cafeteria, he just ate the leftovers of what they brought to me.
In fact, it was me that encouraged him to go ahead back to work the day after I was discharged (New Year's Eve), knowing that they were already depending on him as the backup plan because of a flu epidemic. He was having a two hour trip going and coming for that whole week any other time he has had to do that he would stay overnight a couple of times, but he made that round trip every evening so that I wasn't sleeping alone.
Even in his withdrawn, quiet state, I don't feel abandoned at all and have not felt abandoned by him.
Like someone said, there is no one size fits all for grief, and just because it is expected that the mother is the one who needs all the support in a miscarriage, if it doesn't pan out that way doesn't mean I have to demand something I don't really need, while he goes hurting. So yes, I am trying to be supportive because right now he needs it more than I do.
You may be discovering that in some regards you are the stronger partner.
This loss is particularly terrible for your husband because none of his strategies for management will work. It is beyond him, and all he can do is walk through it. That can be frightening on so many levels for anyone who derives comfort from structure and the predictable.
I don't think grief is a male thing, a female thing, a father thing, a mother thing. It is a human thing and a powerful teacher.
You certainly hit the nail on the head, Readinglady.
"This loss is particularly terrible for your husband because none of his strategies for management will work. It is beyond him, and all he can do is walk through it. That can be frightening on so many levels for anyone who derives comfort from structure and the predictable. "
We all become stronger people from these trying times. That is something positive that can eventually show through.
I hate to be Debbie Downer but as I recall neither you or your husband really welcomed the pregnancy at all. It was just an obligation. In fact you were going thru counseling over it? Color me confused. Now, it is a gift from God?! It was at the very beginning! Get BOTH of your heads screwed on straight and BOTH of you get into counseling or get fixed so this won't keep happening over and over.
Some highlights from YOUR postings:
#1 "I was actually glad that he didn't want children. In fact, I can remember saying to myself after my concerns about our marriage became so stressful "well, it's a good thing we don't have any children."
#2 His reaction to this news was pretty much like mine - mostly shock, devastation, and bewilderment.
#3 The thought of having a baby on top of trying to get this marriage back on the right track is overwhelming to me. I've never been a person to be depressed, mostly just stressed, but this situation is stressing me out as well as having me depressed.
#4 He's trying to be supportive
#5 Because he SURELY doesn't want anybody other than me trying to get in his head. (about the counselor helping with the baby issues)
#6 1. We BOTH DON'T want a baby.
#7 We just really don't want a baby. But we're just really going to have one. Lord help us.
#8 She(counselor) actually thinks its promising that we have made an unwavering decision to have and keep the baby.
You began the post clearly stating You NOR your husband wanted a baby but oooops got pregnant. On and on about what to do: no abortion, no adoption so begrudgingly you agree to just go ahead and have the baby.
Now? It might be a good idea if your husband gets a vasectomy. Maybe?
I know many couples who were hoping not to get pregnant, didn't want any children and then got pregnant. Of the ones who were unhappy when they heard the news, most of them changed their minds, got excited over the pregnancy and made wonderful parents.
So I can certainly see how wifey and her husband might have changed their minds after the initial shock wore off.
Wifey, I am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage many years ago. Whether the baby was planned or not, I think it's difficult for most women to lose a baby and perfectly natural to grieve for the loss.
Whatever you and your husband decide about children in the future, you both have my deepest sympathy for the loss you've both suffered.
Worriedone thank you for your assessment.
Daisy thank you so much. I really appreciate your kindness. I had written an unkind response to worried one but your response caused me to delete it. Worried I apologize if you read it before I deleted it.
This post was edited by wifey1281 on Thu, Jan 17, 13 at 0:01
Wifey, you posted here with your concerns and disappointments about your marriage and husband well before you discovered you were pregnant. It is wonderful that you both came to embrace the unexpected pregnancy but your marital problems were the reason you came here.
So, apart from the pregnancy and your loss, have the issues in your marriage been resolved? If so, wonderful and congratulations. If not, it is just as important now to work on that as it was before. And, as before, it is still advisable to NOT get pregnant until and unless your marriage is secure.
Both of you were very vocal about not wanting children. If that is still the case (and it may not be), why not do something to prevent it (vasec...tubes, etc.). But if you do now want children, address the issues that brought you to this board in the first place first.
Wifey - I think it is good that you have explored all these issues here.
There is nothing like getting pregnant to change your thinking about having a child. It is part of you and to loose it so early is devastating.
So don't listen to people who critisize you - it is good you pour out your thoughts here.
Time will bring clarity to your thinking, with you and your hubbie.
I still have the ashes of my little one from 1991, we are about to move again, so he is coming with us. I wondered if it is time for me to spread his ashes somewhere. It is a lonely grief.
All the best.
Suzie, thanks for asking, and things had gotten much, much better. After a mad rush of preparation for the holidays, I was able to relax and enjoy our time off together, which was the first time since the honeymoon that we had extended time together. Unfortunately that time together ended with the loss of the baby That was difficult on both of us, moreso him than me, but we're getting through that also.
Whoever recommended that 5 Languages of Love, it was a godsend so thanks! I will have to go back and check that and thank the person properly. We did a few other recommended web sites and books, but that is the one that we really connected with.
As for having a child, we both want to, but have decided to wait a bit. If it hasn't happened in a year or two, it probably won't.
Again, thanks for asking.
Oh, Popi, so sorry that you are still grieving over your little one. Wouldn't you want to keep him with you, though? Anyway, I hope you find peace and blessings in your new home.
Popi, I, too, am sorry for your loss. I lost mine in 1991 as well. Like wifey, I hope your move goes well and you love your new home.
"Worriedone thank you for your assessment"
I didn't mean to sound snarky, I truly was/am/is a bit confused. I know losing a child is difficult and painful - I lost a pregnancy in the beginning of my second trimester. The depression was rough. I truly, truly wanted the baby. This ended my pregnancy career, too - for cancer happened as well.
I just came away not really sure if you are unhappy about your marriage - your relationship or not. You DID seem very confident that you are willing to put YOUR needs/desires second to HIS and he truly is "all over the road." (From your first thread: "...He has a very large personality and it intimidates me at times, although I try to hide it. But I think he knows and because of that he bosses me around terribly.") Not really certain what you need or want here, not sure you do either. :(
Maybe copy/paste and send to your counselor, the posts and responses. Might help you?
I am sorry for your loss - it is painful, I know. But...for a moment, were you not relieved, as well since you were SO CONFLICTED?
Please don't get upset - here is some REALITY:
You don't mind giving up your life for the scraps he throws you - neither one of you wanted a child, you became pregnant - was just to let what ever happen happened and you are no longer pregnant. Maybe this is a sign?
You cannot make plans. For he will trump them - like the formal thing he demanded you go to even tho your BEST friend was getting married the same day?! Who won that?
The demand he made that you cannot sleep on the couch - he is man. you are property. get back in his bed.
How do you confuse this for love? really?
Personally, I don't feel ANY forum can help with your issues. Doesn't seem like a counselor can, either.
Any wrong he does - you will justify. So why post? You accept. You will NOT divorce. You have NO life. No have NO choices. So, what exactly are you searching for on forums?
You have accepted this. Good luck in your life. :)
This post was edited by worriedone on Fri, Jan 18, 13 at 11:26
Worried, I didn't see this post before I responded to your other one, but no I was NOT relieved that I lost the baby. Not even a little bit.
This board AND the Christian board were a TREMENDOUS help to me, for the most part. I do think you, however, seem determined to focus on all the negatives and not the positives of everything I say, even if you have to go back all the way to the beginning to get them! I would think a downfall of forums is the reader can't get the whole picture no matter how much detail a poster goes into. So you're only seeing through a glass darkly. However, you seem adamant that I must be unhappy, I'm not! Seriously! So Worriedone, stop being worried!
I'm just kidding, I know you really don't care one way or the other, as well you shouldn't (and I don't mean that in a callous way).
This post was edited by wifey1281 on Fri, Jan 18, 13 at 12:49
The titles of your posts aren't very positive. IMO. Was under the impression you felt trapped. Controlled. LOST. etc. Not much positive energy at all as I see it.
The way you stated over and over that neither you nor your spouse wanted a baby, at all even though you were what maybe four weeks pregnant at the time? seemed negative to me. *shrug
You're young, educated and tied to a moron that is controlling and emotionally/mentally abusive to you. You put it on the forums, not me. You cannot have a Facebook, twitter, etc., because of his "famous-ness" Personally, I wonder if it is just so his OTHER gals don't see you?! Maybe not. Just seems ODD.
It is great he doesn't want you to see the seedier side of being famous, but really you have a masters! I bet you could handle it - somewhat.
You can not sleep on the couch - but he can leave you for days on end.
You have a wedding of a BEST FRIEND - he has a thing - you cannot go to wedding.
If you were happy - why are you here and what exactly are you searching for?
Those quotes are from your posts. Thoughts you shared on an internet forum. "is this an unhealthy marriage?" was YOUR title of choice.
I never once felt any empathy from him to you--in your words posted. Compassion. He touches you and you have great sex. k. While he lives his lifein whatever way he chooses, you get to...whatever.
If there wasn't some sort of issue, concern, complaint -- why post and post?
Something just isn't right about all of this to me. I hope you find what it is you're looking for, but I don't think it will be from him. Sorry. Just my opinion.
Prayers and hugs. Hope you get what you seek. really.
ETA: YOUR words - "...So how does this sound to you all? I feel like a clingy, intimidated, wife who just lets my husband boss me around, call all the shots in the marriage, never asks my advice on anything, but then because of how also treats me so sweet in other ways, that this marriage is almost torture. Any ideas on what I could do relieve some of this stress? It is no way Iâ€™m leaving him, but if thatâ€™s what you think, please tell me. Thanks."
Really, I just do not understand. LEAVE HIM! :)
This post was edited by worriedone on Fri, Jan 18, 13 at 15:28
Still can't find that scroll down button, huh?
"Really, I just do not understand. LEAVE HIM! :)"
Good idea! He's out of town now, so of course I don't have anything else to do. I'll start packing now ... oh wait, I'm out of town WITH him and posting away while he's on the set. I better hurry up and log off before he signs off and catches me!
This post was edited by wifey1281 on Fri, Jan 18, 13 at 15:43
Popi posted this: There is nothing like getting pregnant to change your thinking about having a child. It is part of you and to loose it so early is devastating.
I agree completely.
Wifey, your hormones are probably up and down right now and you've suffered a loss. Like Popi said, time will bring clarity to your thinking. Tune out the negativity and give yourself some time to recover, emotionally and physically.
Wow, thanks Daisy for quoting me ! I am pleased that my comments sound sensible.
Nothing like experience to lead you along the road of helping people going through the same things.
Sense of homour is good - keep smiling and laughing everyone.
I wasn't sure which thread to respond to, but as this is the more recent, I'll stick with it.
I was concerned reading the latest entries in the other thread that after two visits with admittedly the wrong therapist (an ethical conflict of interest) you concluded that counseling was a waste of time.
You identified in previous posts significant issues in your marriage. Maybe it's my age, but I'm very distrustful of the "quick fix," and no matter how powerful and life-altering you and your husband have found recent events, the underpinnings remain unchanged.
I think at the heart of things you are a strong and determined woman, but your infatuation with your husband is so great, under some circumstances you would focus that strength on bending reality to conform to your desires.
One benefit of counseling (with the right person) is we learn insight, a benefit which informs every aspect of our life, not just our marriage.
You asked for input: YES! You ARE in an unhealthy marriage. Barely a year - GET OUT NOW. You have no real investment: no children, no home, years of ups/downs and all those memories.
You are being told what YOU CAN and CAN NOT do while he can come and go as he pleases? You have had NO relationships with men whatsoever while Mr. over 45 has remained single for a reason!! You were a CONQUEST. Probably his very FIRST virgin - I just wonder, why did you not expect the same from your love for eternity mate? Why would YOU choose a womanizer (YOUR words)? Of all things?! Why would you NOT demand the same from him?? UG! Makes NO sense. (you did say you have a master's degree, right?)
I feel that you only seek ATTENTION here and other forums, since he isn't home! And you don't exactly agree with any of the not so favorable suggestions, tips, etc. You are not allowed to facebook, twitter,(who knows what else husband/daddy won't let you do) - so you go to forums seeking the acceptance and love - somewhat, that you seek. He won't take you with him, right? WHY? You have NO kids? Why can't you go with him? Really? How can he bear to be apart? My brand new husband LOVED when I showed up at work with fresh coffee, rolls for the guys on the job, etc. For we were newly weds! My sister's husband still demands his wife come with to those away from home jobs - they fly all over the country TOGETHER! Oh, right - he's protecting you from the seedier side of what? Meeting his friends with benefits?!! And YOU KNOW IT!
I lived your life for over 25 years. I have nothing to show for it but an amazing daughter that I couldnot WAIT to have. The pregnancy after her was the one I lost before my diagnose with cancer and NO MORE BABIES
So, take it from someone that knows a twin to your hubby and find someone that truly loves you and lets you live YOUR life as much as he is allowed.
You are NOT his equal. His mate. You are his property and yes, you are enabling. Get ready for the most miserable of lives to live. Unless you get out now.
There is good reason why you suspect him. Now, I do too! He's playing you. He chose you as his mate, for you had no STD's. Probably drew up a strict pre-nup as well. But anyway. Enjoy your non-life. Always giving in TO HIM. Not having a voice. No freedom. He won't take you with him on the trips away. Hmmmm. Why? Why would you even agree to this?
Good luck going to the counseling alone - for I had to, too. He just would NOT go with me. Had all kinds of reasons/excuses, that I accepted too. (He wouldn't go because it was something I wanted from him). He was available. Had the time. But just said no. That he was fine...it was ME that was finding the problems...
He wanted NOTHING to do with our child, either. Always told me BEFORE we married that he wanted children YES. (I come to find out He just didn't want any of the rearing, caring, etc once they were here).
Maybe what you need IS attention. Not help with your marriage, because you won't take it. You will stay married to this control freak because _________?? You don't feel you deserve to be happy? That our Lord doesnot want you to be happy with your mate?(for that is not true) The Bible, or any Church would NOT condone abuse in ANY form be it verbal, emotional-spiritual or any other. Are you allowed to go the choir yet? Can not recall if he allows you or not. It's HIS church of choice, correct??)
Then why are you staying? What is making you hold on to an 11 month old marriage based on _______? To someone that won't let you do want YOU want - but he can do whatever the hell he pleases?
Really. Good luck. Men do NOT change unless THEY begin to see their faults. He won't. Doesnot need to. He's happy. He has an educated woman that he got to FIRST that will do everything he orders her to. Right?
Sounds awful to me. I would rather be single. Take care, wifey. But really, I have lived your life. And I can't WAIT to get out 28 years later!!
Just an ETA: Did you have an ACTUAL Medical pregnancy test done by a doctor, clinic, etc? For they do not except tests bought at a store as the real deal.
Perhaps it was a false-positive. Happens ALL THE TIME. And that perhaps there is some other issue?
You might want to be sure there is no other health issue that could have or might have caused a missed period or two - but it happens all the time. On the pill or not on the pill. Sometimes it is due to cysts. PCOS. There are many things that could have cause a missed period or two. Or a complete change in the cycle.
I know you were about three weeks late and talking about moving to the suburbs that you both HATE? Actually, I believe it would have been TWO weeks. Nov 27th is when you posted you took a test? Am I right? In the Dec 6th thread you don't report on what the doctor says - as far as the the pregnancy test. ???
I don't know. Something about this story, just isn't right. I guess you can get pregnant while on the pill and you are sick with vomiting and diarrhea, but were you sick while having sex, too? You're a stronger woman than most. Puking and feeling sick but ok for sex? Too sick to remember birth control, but ok for...
Gotta go. The dog wants to go out.
Anyhoo, I didn't read where you had an actual test done by a medical person. Chances could be you were not pregnant.
Worried let me just address some of your concerns since you seem obsessed. First your last post on whether I was pregnant. Yes. As to the rest of the questions in that post I wasn't aware that I was obligated to update you on my doctor visits. So I won't. As for our sex life and when and under what conditions we have sex:
Now to address your other concerns:
"You asked for input:"
Actually the last time I asked for input was well over a month ago. It wasn't an opened-ended request
"You are being told what YOU CAN and CAN NOT do."
TrUe up ubtil a couple of months ago. No longer true now. We discuss and make joint decisipns.
"You have had NO relationships with men whatsoever while Mr. over 45 has remained single for a reason!!"
" I just wonder, why did you not expect the same from your love for eternity mate? Why would YOU choose a womanizer (YOUR words)? Of all things?! Why would you NOT demand the same from him?? UG! Makes NO sense. (you did say you have a master's degree, right?)"
Factually correct. But it already happened so can't be undone.
"I feel that you only seek ATTENTION here and other forums, since he isn't home! And you don't exactly agree with any of the not so favorable suggestions, tips, etc."
Your opinion and you're entitled to it.
"You are not allowed to facebook, twitter"
That was stated, yes. But I at this point I don't want to.
"who knows what else husband/daddy won't let you do) - so you go to forums seeking the acceptance and love - somewhat, that you seek."
Again your opinion.
"He won't take you with him, right?"
WRONG. And you know this because it was stated on the other forum and on this one as recently as 2 days ago.
"WHY? You have NO kids? Why can't you go with him?"
Moot. Because I can and have. In fact just got bac tonight.
"Oh, right - he's protecting you from the seedier side of what? "
Moot now. If you had used the scroll down button on this or the other forum you would have seen that.
"Meeting his friends with benefits?!! And YOU KNOW IT!"
Conjecture on your part. But feel free.
"I lived your life for over 25 years."
Again conjecture on your part. Again, feel free.
"I have nothing to show for it but an amazing daughter that I couldnot WAIT to have. The pregnancy after her was the one I lost before my diagnose with cancer and NO MORE BABIES"
Sorry you had to go through that.
"So, take it from someone that knows a twin to your hubby and find someone that truly loves you and lets you live YOUR life as much as he is allowed.
There is good reason why you suspect him. Now, I do too! He's playing you. He chose you as his mate, for you had no STD's."
All speculation and conjecture. But its not a question so there's no answer.
" Probably drew up a strict pre-nup as well."
Yep. Don't know how strict it was. I wouldn't sign it and told him the wedding was off and so was the relationship. He ripped up the prenup.
"He won't take you with him on the trips away. Hmmmm. Why?"
He has and will continue whenever my work schedule permits.
"Why would you even agree to this?"
I never did. But its moot since I have.
"Good luck going to the counseling alone"
I'm not going to counseling.
" for I had to, too. He just would NOT go with me. Had all kinds of reasons/excuses, that I accepted too. (He wouldn't go because it was something I wanted from him). He was available. Had the time. But just said no. That he was fine...it was ME that was finding the problems...
He wanted NOTHING to do with our child, either. Always told me BEFORE we married that he wanted children YES. (I come to find out He just didn't want any of the rearing, caring, etc once they were here)."
Again sorry you had to go thru this.
"Maybe what you need IS attention. Not help with your marriage, because you won't take it. You will stay married to this control freak because _________?? You don't feel you deserve to be happy? That our Lord doesnot want you to be happy with your mate?(for that is not true) The Bible, or any Church would NOT condone abuse in ANY form be it verbal, emotional-spiritual or any other. Are you allowed to go the choir yet? Can not recall if he allows you or not. It's HIS church of choice, correct??)"
The choir question was answered about 2 months ago. Find it in the thread if you really want the answer.
"Then why are you staying? What is making you hold on to an 11 month old marriage based on _______? To someone that won't let you do want YOU want - but he can do whatever the hell he pleases?
Really. Good luck. Men do NOT change unless THEY begin to see their faults. He won't. Doesnot need to. He's happy. He has an educated woman that he got to FIRST that will do everything he orders her to. Right?"
All of that above is no longer true. You can believe or not doesn't matter to me.
"I would rather be single. Take care, wifey. But really, I have And I can't WAIT to get out 28 years later!!"
Good for you! Hope it works out for ya!
This post was edited by wifey1281 on Mon, Jan 21, 13 at 2:17
Wow. I agree that all of this seems like way too quick a fix. Things just don't happen that way all at once and then stay that way. I fear that you're talking yourself into this and are in for a rude awakening, or several of them.
I know - you're going to tell me that that's conjecture and my opinion and that I'm welcome to it. I wish you the best.
No Suzieque I wouldn't say that to you because you're not Worriedone. But it's not a quick fix its a work in progress. But I don't think the changes I listed above will go back to the way they were. And I'm not going to get into every thing that has taken place in the last month but let's just say I have made some changes in ME FOR me. I'm not going back to that old way of thinking and acting and he can either accept it or he can move on. But actually I think it makes for a better marriage for both of us. Yeah we run into roadblocks but if we can't come into agreement its tabled until later
Much of my help has come from Internet sites along with just talking to my mother who had a wonderful marriage until my dad died.
So anyway I know that with God's help. I will be okay regardless of what happens in my marriage. I'm under no illusions its good now and prayerfully will stay that way or we weather any storms. But storms won't be handled the way they were in the past. At least not from my perspective.
This post was edited by wifey1281 on Mon, Jan 21, 13 at 10:52
I've never been able to understand why folks who philosophically refuse therapy decide instead to come on these message boards for direction in the most important relationship there is - particularly when the participants often are clearly wounded and projecting. Maybe it's because it's free, and you can do it in your bathrobe. Unfortunately, you have to sift through a lot of trash, and you will never get feedback that is as complete as you would get from a professional who insists on taking both sides into consideration. Therapy isn't for everyone for sure - but message boards? It's for entertainment. Well, at least sometimes it's entertaining :)
Reading these posts I just have to say that some people can be cruel.
My heart goes out to you - I'm sorry for your loss. And I don't see your loss as a punishment from God. Who hasn't felt one way about something at first and then had a change of heart after they were in that situation?
Not sure what your husband used to be like, but if you said he was controlling and changed after the loss of your child all I can say is I know from personal experience that major and permanent life changes CAN happen from a single event.
Just said a prayer for you and your husband.
Take care, and God bless.