How to succeed in marriage

amalikDecember 4, 2007

Marriage is like a plant it grows, with the other one by its side.

After 10 years of marriage we've learnt:

1) Do not confront your mate, one of you back down.

2) Be willing to die for your mate

3) Communicate; Forgive when you can

4) Keep working at your job

5) Journey with others married

6) Have friends and family

7) Be like a snake through the rocks of life

8) Ask GOD for help just this time

Good Luck and see you on the 20th hole - Shakilah Malik, Adina Malik, Shamila Cassim, Nisa aleem, Hanifa Malik

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Here's is what I have learned:

1. Be excited to see your mate when he/she comes home. Take the time to stop what you are doing and smile and greet them warmly. Teach your children to do the same.

2. Everyone is entitled to a bad day, etc. but make sure that you are not this negative, argumentative, grouchy person, nagging and complaining about everything. Who wants to come home to that?

3. Make sure that there is a nice dinner (home made or takeout) made or picked up by whoever is home first. If you both work, perhaps you can trade off days of who makes or pickup dinner. If you are a SAHM, have a nice dinner to come home to. Crock pots have made a huge comeback, with 5 star, easy recipes that can be thrown together in the morning, and dinner when you walk in that will exceed most restaurant's.

4. Choose your spouse very wisely.

5. Stand up for your spouse, especially to your family. Let both your family and your spouse know that you will protect them. And this is especially true if you have children. Your marriage must be taken care of for your children's sake.

6. Be loyal and trustworthy in your marriage. That includes (ladies) not bad mouthing your husband to your friends/coworkers, your parents, or his family. It surprises me how many women do this. Would you want him bad mouthing "you" to his friends, his family, his coworkers, etc? Then don't do it to him. It is incredibly disloyal. Tell them how blessed you are to have such a great husband/wife. And at some point he/she will begin to live up to these words. Say nice things about him/her when he/she is within earshot.

7. Treat each other with respect. Be kind. Be loving and encouraging. Smile often. Look for ways to make the others life easier.

8. Have a date night. Go for walks together. leave a note that is loving, or has a funny thought that makes them smile.

9. Do not pester them. In other words, do not call them every time a thought pops in your head, or talk constantly about nothing. It is annoying.

  1. Have happily married friends that you get together with.

  2. Be accountable and own up to it when you are wrong. Say you are wrong. Do not be a blamer in life, but have the guts to admit when you have messed up, or your flaws.

  3. Have respect for your finances, and a long term picture. Do not blow your family finances on stuff!

  4. Have respect for the living environment you share. That means that the house should not be a disaster (piles of junk everywhere), as who wants to try and relax , looking at that? Keep it picked up to a point that when you are home, home is a pleasant place to be.

  5. Try to be considerate of who the other person is. For example, if you are an extrovert, and love having lots of people around, and your spouse in an introvert and loves privacy and quiet to think and relax, make sure your friends or family are gone when he/she gets home. And for him/her to meet your needs, have 2 hours once or twice a month where friends can come over, but have a reasonable beginning and end time slot.

15.Do not ever put your spouse down in front of people. Look for ways to life him/her up.

  1. Take care of your appearance. Do not let yourself go.

  2. Treat your spouses family with respect and kindness, from the beginning.

  3. Look for ways to make your spouse feel loved. Have time set aside for just your spouse.

  4. Smile and be someone you would want to hang around with.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2007 at 4:25PM
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I love what I read above and even learned a few things myself.

After 17 years, I've learned this in addition to some of the above wisdom nuggets (btw.. #18 above is a true nugget):

1. Your spouse wasn't raised as you were. His/Her family communicated love in their own way -- learn what that was! My family said it, my spouse's showed it in doing things together. Speak his/her language!

2. It doesn't always have to be done my way to be the "right" way.

3. Don't EVER take them for granted. I could be feeding a hoard of cats (sometimes that seems like a good thing -- lol). But gosh, I'm awfully grateful to be spooning at 3 am some nights when it's cold. It's a comfort thing.

4. Remember when you're 80 where you want to be. I want to be rocking on our porch commiserating about all we learned over the years. (Or just bickering over the price of the electric bill).

    Bookmark   December 6, 2007 at 12:52AM
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why did this get posted twice though?

    Bookmark   December 6, 2007 at 6:41PM
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I wondered the same thing.

    Bookmark   December 8, 2007 at 6:43AM
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I find that giving in from time to time helps. It's not ALWAYS necessary to win every time.

Also, coming from a former bad relationship, being kind to your mate is important, both in private and in front of other people is very important to keep your relationship strong.

Don't ever do anything that would hurt the trust, remember, words can go out but they can't come back.

Here is a link that might be useful: Cheating Spouse Signs

    Bookmark   December 10, 2007 at 11:05AM
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