Listen to my heart or my head

vizorgirlNovember 6, 2007

..My husband has never been married and has lived with his mom his entire life never having to pay for anything and living rent free . I moved in with him while we were friends and as the bond between us grew deeper and intimant we choose to get married .The plan was for us to move out and start a life of our own . As I was searching for something in the garage , I discovered a bag that had some of my lingere in it . I freaked out and confronted him about it . Of course he came up with every excuse in the world .He swore not to betray my trust again and explained this was something he did during the years ha had spent being single . As much as it freaked me out i tried to be supportive and I overlooked the couple more times it happned . I decided to do some research and discovered this goes way back to when he was a child. He had admitted dressing in womans lingere since he was a little boy . They diagnoss this as transvestic festishism . He is not gay and does not wish to become a woman as most people first assume .Its very rare i can get him to open up about the topic. In the meantime the problems with his mom of course start to surface and while he has begun to start taking responsibility for becoming self sufficient his mom continues to smother him and treat him like a child always buying the food and making sure he is taking care of . (everything but sexually satisfy him)

I had decided to return to the Property Management industry mainly because of the benefit of recieving a rent free apt and since this was the career that enabled me to become independent after my first marriage ended . Unfotunately he was terminated from his job shotely after we moved out and he has not been very motivated about seeking employment . He has worked under the table for a friend part time but not consistant . Things have gotten worse and due to my frustration and nagging he moved out back to his moms . We had a heated fight which the police were called and now there is a temporary restraining order intiated by his mom . My problem is that i love this man very much and I am willing to be there for him during this time of turmoil that he is struggling with realizing the effects of the emotional attatchment his mom has . He is so confused and wants to act like he loves her and is appreciative for always being there for him but at the same time he struggles with the resentment he feels for enabling him to be irresponsible . Now she has put a wedge between us and because of all the fighting with me he has doubts about us . thanks for listening , and feel free to give me your opinions . Wow I didnt realize how long my story is . I hope I didnt side track anyone and make them late for anything !!

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asolo

Was there a question in there somewhere?

    Bookmark   November 6, 2007 at 11:21PM
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bnicebkind

What are your ages? How long did he have the job before he lost it? Since he was living rent free with his mom, and food and living expenses provided, was he able to save up alot of money to live independent of her?

    Bookmark   November 7, 2007 at 6:42AM
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sweeby

This is a guy with serious issues -- The transvestite fetishism is, at least according to Ann Landers, not the end of the world. If he isn't gay and isn't transgendered, and if it doesn't totally gross you out, her advice has always been to try to live with it. Think you can?

The Mommy stuff is a bit more complicated. So if Sonny moves out, Mommy will be all alone and abandoned? He's going to have to deal with that and learn to build a healthy relationship with his mother. And until he does, I would not get my hopes up.

    Bookmark   November 7, 2007 at 9:20AM
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carla35

I think your husband has some severe 'mommy issues' and probably would benefit from seeing a psychiatrist.

    Bookmark   November 7, 2007 at 11:02AM
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plasticgarden

Sounds to me like you should move on.You are obviously the kind of couple who brings out the worst in each other.
If you stay together,this cycle may never end.Other people's lives will also be effected by the two of you and your problems.God forbid you have any children.

Seriously,and I never advocate people not working on their marriages unless it is very serious~move on.This is not a good situation here at all.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2007 at 1:48AM
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finedreams

wearing lingerie is not such a big deal but mommy's situation is beyond creepy. Move on

    Bookmark   November 8, 2007 at 1:09PM
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scarlett2001

Relationship rule number one: Never hook up with somebody who has more problems than you do.

Relationship rule number two: Don't intrude on a guy who already has a woman in his life - and he does, big time.

Also - I'm not sharing my pretty undies with any man, I don't care what his fetishes are! How can you respect him as a man, as YOUR man, and he wears lacy underwear? Puhleeze.

    Bookmark   November 10, 2007 at 11:32PM
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