My Husband Drinks Every Day

swilkes3November 4, 2010

Well here we are. My husband started managing stress by having a few glasses of wine after work about 15 years ago. We never drank before that except at a party or office party dinner. I didn't like it from the very beginning and we had counseling to no lasting avail. Now he is drinking every evening, at least 4 drinks...usually a whole bottle of wine. On weekends even more, up to a whole 1.75 liter bottle of wine in one day. We can never go to a restaurant in the evening that doesn't serve it. He usually has 3. Many times he's had 4-5 but I've gotten him down to 3. He promised 2 when we're out so he could drive but he doesn't stick to it. When he has 3 or more I drive. He's a good man. He retires in 2 years and will be out from under the stress. I'm wondering how to handle this. We have a pretty good marriage otherwise. I can support myself so that is not an issue for me. Tonight I decided I might tell him that since drs all say men should not have more than 2 a night, that's the only way I will go out with him...if he promises to stop at 2. I really don't know. I hate it. It bothers me sometimes so much I can't describe. Other times I'm somehow able to deal with it. He is not mean but pretty disgusting sometimes and definitely not attractive. It seems very weak to me and I don't like that in a man. He has admitted there is a problem, cuts back a little for a week or so,then it's the same pattern again. I really need help if you've got any ideas for me. I am very happy and active in my own life.

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You cannot control someone elses drinking-period.

I highly suggest you get yourself to an al anon meeting asap. If you think it will get better after he retires you are kidding yourself. I come from a long line of hard drinking alcoholics and I promise you the only way you will get some control over your situation is to get a good support system and learn all you can about alcoholism.

You can't make him stop or change his drinking patterns. Only he can do that. Please, please take care of yourself and try at least 3-4 differnet al anon meetings to get comfortable with how it works.

Hugs, keeping you in my thoughts.

    Bookmark   November 4, 2010 at 11:07PM
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"If you think it will get better after he retires you are kidding yourself."

catlettuce speaks truth. The weekend consumption/behavior is your clue.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2010 at 9:42AM
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You are married to an alcoholic. There is nothing you can do to get him to stop. He has to WANT to stop. Saying he drinks because of stress is an excuse....he drinks because he wants to and will always find a reason to drink.

I agree with the Al-Anon suggestion. I also highly highly highly encourage you not to threaten ANYTHING that you are not going to follow through on.

I've been sober for 14+ yrs and was on the receiving end of all sorts of threats. Nothing worked until I made the decision to quit.

Al-Anon will be your friend.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2010 at 7:47PM
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