What do I do if I cant trust my husband???? Help Me Please!!

mtzab2902November 6, 2011

Hello me and my husband have been together for 9 years but we have been married for 8 1/2 months! He hides a lot if things from me he always deletes the history on his phone I feel like he has been talking to other girls behind my back I cry every single day I'm hurt all the time..I know he is always searching for other girls and I've told him if he isn't happy with me than why stay with me? I do everything for him I take care if him we have 4 beautiiful kids together.. I just don't know why he is hiding things from me.I feel like he is afraid to be alone so yr knows he has a wife at home but he wants to be messing around with someone else. Please someone help me I'm tired of feeling this way and I don't know what to do anymore!!!

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tracystoke

hi ,first of all you have 4 kids ,are they very young?if so, you will be very tired,that is the hardest job in the world,without a doubt,actually it is even if they arnt that young.so Im guessing your a stay at home mum,beleive me that can do your head in.you feel like your man has got a life and you havnt,you feel jelous, paranoid,depressed,stuck.what other reasons are you suspicious of him apart from deleting his history?

    Bookmark   November 6, 2011 at 4:48PM
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mtzab2902

Hello yes my kids are young they are 6,5,4,&3..
Yes I do feel jealous and paranoid and suspicious! I don't know its just he keeps his phone with him all the time he gets mad if I try and touch it and right away he says stop looking through my phone don't you trust me?! I know I don't trust him I get this ugly feelings in my stomach all the time..And everytime I try and talk to him about what's going in all he says is "Here we go again" you know what does that tell you?!

    Bookmark   November 6, 2011 at 5:01PM
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tracystoke

Oh my god,you have got it hard.thats tough .are your kids driving you nuts too,im saying this becauseIKNOW,the phone stuff, is your focus on you thinking he is having an affair,i think he is talking to women on the net,flirting,but probly his escape too ,doesnt mean he is having sex ,just maybe he is finding life hard too.

    Bookmark   November 6, 2011 at 5:25PM
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ynnej

Yes, raising kids alone is hard. But it sounds like your life is hard right now. Instead or reassuring you (which is what a loving husband would do) he makes you feel like you're being irrational.
Crazy-making: Crazy-making by a husband is any behavior that makes a wife feel her [and her children's] legitimate needs, wishes and dreams are not only invalid, they are foolish and deserving of ridicule, criticism, negation and contempt.
If he can't treat you with the love and respect you deserve, then you are doing yourself (and your kids!) no favor by staying with him. A change is in order, whatever that may be.

    Bookmark   November 6, 2011 at 5:42PM
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popi_gw

I think you are getting all worked up about what is going on inside your head.

You are probably exhausted from caring for 4 children so close in age. Don't have any more. You are obviously anxious and apprehensive about the future, justifiably so.

Try to separate your emotions from fact. Any decision you make based on emotions is not good for you.

What did he say when you asked him why he stays, and is he happy being with you ?

    Bookmark   November 6, 2011 at 5:44PM
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mtzab2902

I feel like he doesn't have the right to be flirting with anyone..he gets to be away from us all day long he comes home and plays the game than he wana to have sex..how do I know he is thinking about me?! He always ignores my answer when I ask him if he wants to be with me he says of course he does..than why do the things u do? If he loved me and cared about me than he wouldn't do things to hurt me he is just a liar and all I want him to do is admit to what he does it will make me feel better..and besides I tell him we need marriage counseling and he dents that..what do I do when I feel like I'm done?! How do I let go of 9 years?

    Bookmark   November 6, 2011 at 5:58PM
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tracystoke

after all them pregnancies with no gap,im suprised you have lasted this long without cracking up,your hormones are all over the place,im thinking you may have had a drink
,if your fella is so bad,then what has he done ,you have not really said apart from deleting history

    Bookmark   November 6, 2011 at 6:31PM
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mtzab2902

@Tracystoke we never had this problem ever until now! Once he got to knoe his friends from work more and more I guess him seeing them single and him the only one with a family he feels like he has to mess around! I found a picture of some other girl in his phone and he said he doesn't knoe who she is..like he is really going to admit it..I know he wat he's porn that don't really bother me to much cause what guy doesn't??!! But if your husband says he loves and cares about you than why do things behind my back?!

    Bookmark   November 6, 2011 at 7:06PM
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tracystoke

Maybe there is something in it,maybe not.I will get slated on here for saying this as people on here hate playing games, but I would give him a taste of his own medicine,flirt on your phone,do what he does,say to him"if you can do then it I will too"If i honestly thought he was up to no good then I would.

    Bookmark   November 7, 2011 at 4:19AM
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mkroopy

I'd venture to say anyone that behaves like that has LOTS to hide....sorry to say but it's more than likely true.

As for giving him a taste of his own medicine, yeah that's just playing games, not a lot of benefit will come from that most likely.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2011 at 9:34AM
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ladiauctioneer

You know, most cell phone bills have a log you can check. If any suspicious numbers come up go to spokeo.com. You can pay $15 and find anything you want out about the owner's of these numbers. That's how I caught my husband.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2011 at 8:03PM
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overlyloyal

I have never been hurt as much as when my last boyfriend led me to believe my instinct, my intuition, my gut feeling was wrong. In the end, I was right. That is the cruelest thing a person can do to someone who loves them. Trust your gut. Do what's right for you and your family. You feeling sick with emotion isn't doing anyone any good.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2012 at 7:03PM
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david.w.rahfeldt

WOW

All we got here is a lot of neuroses popping out in all directions ... someone who was cheated on is SURE that the behavior means cheating, someone who was not cheated on thinks it means nothing ... and we have no real substantive data to make an evaluation on, so we all go off half-cocked based on our own positive or negative neurotic interpretations of her situation.

None of that helps ...

So what to do ?

Well first of all concentrate on your own mental health and happiness and stability OUTSIDE of fixations with him.

Reward yourself a couple times a day in some small constructive way for good things you do.

Reward him in some small ways with a "thank you" when he does something good for you ...

"Catch him doing something good"

make the most of things and be as positive as you can be.

If there is a real and substntive problem, it will eventually be fully revealed, if not, worrying and crying and getting upset will not help ... but just create a problem for you and him both.

Make yourself happy and healthy.

Dont hold your life hostage to his.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2012 at 5:17AM
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lizzie2

I wish I had someone like David tell me things like that years ago. He is correct. I can only control what I do and what I think and believe. Work with your children and play with them do whatever will stop you from thinking of this. The therapist had me wear a rubber band to snap my wrist when I thought of my spouse and his friend. I stopped checking his phone and the records. I found places to volunteer and got involved in helping others. It helped! Yes, I still wonder if he is still seeing the other person and if what he told me back then was correct. I know my children do not trust him and when they talk to me about it; I try to ignore it for if I keep thinking about it I am back in agony. You need to take care of you and the children. One day he will have to answer for whatever he is doing and you do not need to keep a record, God will. God will take care of you! He loves you more than anyone in this world.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2012 at 11:46AM
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colleenoz

So, your husband cheated on you and your therapist's solution was to condition you to not think about it? Way to go, therapist.

    Bookmark   January 18, 2013 at 11:00PM
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