If we could just fix this one thing...

rotnyNovember 1, 2002

Anybody out there have a marriage that, if not for one "thorn-in-the-side" problem would be, for all practical purposes, perfect?

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waddles

His moodiness.

    Bookmark   November 1, 2002 at 3:23PM
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Gina_W

Interesting question, Rotny!

Hmmm, for me, if I had to pick something standing in the way of "perfection" - which is a very subjective word, I would say his lack of gift-giving skills.

DH is terrible at it. It's only been 14 years! - LOL.
But I don't fret over it because it's not in his nature. He will spend any amount of money on me and get me whatever I ask for. He just goes blank when it comes to going and buying something special. So I just tell him what I want. I think it's a fairly typical guy thing.

    Bookmark   November 1, 2002 at 4:24PM
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phyllis_philodendron

Ditto, waddles!

    Bookmark   November 1, 2002 at 7:29PM
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amygdala

Perfection is not a reasonable goal for human beings or for human relationships.

People can only reliably control themselves, and not others.

For example, if I got to thinking 'if only I could fix..' about another human being, that would be a symptom of mine and worth at least consulting or exploring with a doctor or counselor.

It can be a symptom of depression, or other kinds of problems to find one's self focusing on one single 'problem' and experiencing negativity related to that. Feeling unable to get around to enjoying and relaxing and even basking in the good feelings related to the other infinite positive qualities (of the other person, or the relationship) is a symptom.

The main situation calling for immediate flight behaviour is if the 'imperfection' of the other person involves their ability to inflict pain or harm deliberately, and without remorse... Not fight, just flight/escape. There can sometimes be more leeway if the 'imperfection' involves other kinds of criminal behaviour, but distance may still be called for.

generally, it's a good 'reality check' to kind of make sure that other qualities of the person and relationship (and life in general) can be appreciated and feel 'good'to think about-- if they can't or fade far into the background, it's worth talking to someone about because it's a symptom

    Bookmark   November 2, 2002 at 11:28AM
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