Is this an unhealthy marriage pt 2-we're both in shock
Well, I'll cut to the chase.
I really enjoyed the time with my family during Thanksgiving. It was so good to bond with my older sisters and to finally get entry into the "womanhood" now that I'm married and no longer the little innocent baby sister.
On the flip side, I watched in horror as I took the last of my "reminder" bc pills and then started in on the next cycle, with no period. A frantic google search turned up the one caution that I don't remember hearing about the pill ... any prolonged bout of diarhhea or vomiting could render the pill ineffective. That's when I remembered that I had recently gone through a 2-day stomach virus. I finally decided before leaving to come home, to go ahead and buy a pregnancy test - positive.
I won't even bother to recount the torture I put myself through about my husband's reaction to this development was going to be. We discussed having a children before marriage and my husband did not want any because of his age and because of his travel and work schedule. I on the other hand wanted them badly but was willing to sacrifice having children to be with him, and I guess clinging to a naive hope that I could change his mind. After a few months into the marriage, however I realized that raising a child with him would almost be like single parent-hood. I was actually glad that he didn't want children. In fact, I can remember saying to myself after my concerns about our marriage became so stressful "well, it's a good thing we don't have any children."
His reaction to this news was pretty much like mine - mostly shock, devastation, and bewilderment. I swear I have NEVER come close to seeing this side of him. We were both just pretty much shaking our heads and throwing statements out there: "we have no room for a baby ... do you even know how to change diapers (I do - from working in the church's nursery once a month at the church in my former city) ... I suppose we'll need to move to the suburbs to get a backyard (we both HATE the suburbs)... who's going to keep the baby?" Of course he could not help but lean toward his controlling nature when he just declared "that's the least of our worries. You can stay home with the baby." I didn't even argue the point as I don't know anybody in this city that I would trust the baby with.
I did manage to make an appointment and speakw ith my doctor who told me stop taking the pill and use some sort of birth control until the pregnancy can be confirmed. Well, that's one good thing about the pregnancy - neither one of us can seem to move out of the honeymoon phase of our sex life ;) I'm sure the pregnancy will change that for at least one of us. I'm wondering if the hormonal thing has kicked in already (or else I have hidden anger management issues) because I swear I wanted to sucker punch him this morning during the goodbye kiss and hug when he had this silly grin on his phase and said "don't worry, we can make it work." LOL!
Anyway, I cancelled/postponed the counseling appointment I had because I just don't feel like talking about the state of the marriage. Actually, things have really seemed to improve in all phases since our big argument. Yeah, he still has control issues, but I find that I'm able to speak up for myself without hesitation now (more hormonal changes?). But he is much more open to discussion as opposed to just telling me what's going to happen. I have found that just rubbing his back and telling him we needed to discuss the issue and make a decision together really helps. Granted, that has led to the tabling of most decisions as we can't agree, but hey it has to start somewhere.
Anyway, I really want to thank all of you who took the time to give responses to my posts during the past few weeks. You will never know how it has helped to face the marital problems and deal with them, and I do't know if I could have done that without your input. I'm kind of leaning toward seeking counseling together at this point, because the pregnancy is sure to put additional stress on the marriage. I just hope I can convince him to agree to it. I'm going to table it until after my doctor's appointment this week.
By the way, any tips or words of advice you can give going forward (especially any male input) would be much appreciated! Has anyone experienced a pregnancy in the midst of marriage troubles?