My wife's sister accusses me of molesting her

steve8569November 19, 2006

PLEASE ..PLEASE GIVE YOUR OPINION ON THIS...My wife's sister accusses me of molesting her:

I am 35 years old ,my wife(named B) 30 yrs,her elder sister (named A)33 years and younger sister named C 27 yrs and youngest sister named D 24 years.(Total 4 sisters they are) My in laws stay at some other city 8 hrs drive from mine. The youngest sister aged 24 years stayed at my home in march 2005 for 15 days ,june 2005 for couple of hours alone with me,in december 2005 for 1 day 1 night and in april 2006 for 7 days. Since i have somewhat habit of walking in sleep i went to her bedroom in april 2006 late night and my wife saw me there near her and asked D whether I did anything to her . She denied but my wife quarrelled over this . Eventually she cooled down and thought that i just sleepwalked and that i have no bad intentions on her sister.

The youngest sister D got married in May 2006 .A lot of boys had crush on D before marriage and D used to talk a lot with guys. She had a crush on some other guy for a long time and who was also present in marriage and it appeared that she loved this boy and not forgotten him till the time of marriage also. A's husband and me both objected to this strongly and told her sisters about this . They knew this beforehand and admitted to this and said that they could do nothing about this as D is very rude and does only what she likes. At the time of marriage D for the first time to all her sisters that I kissed her in april05 . C also aggrees to her and said that D told her the very day I kissed her i.e. in april 05. D also told to A in private (not to all sisters) that A's husband molested her s.e.x.ually some two years before. ( A afterwards told me about this and now she denies)

Now my wife quarrels over this and thinks that i must have indeed kissed her and also mentions my presence in D's room at night in april 06. Now all 4 sisters think that i must have indeed kissed her. I have not kissed D anytime and not even thought of her sexually.I have not even touched any woman other than my wife since and before marriage.

I told in my first defense that all this kissing story is bull**** and must have in response to my revealation of fact that she still loves some other guy whom she is not married (sort of this thig... i blamed her so she is blaming me.)

All 4 sisters countered this and said that D told of this to C as early as april 2005 when I had not objected to this guy.and not in may 2006 .HAd D told at time of my objection I would be staright forward proved innocent.

Secondly they also say that why would she spoil relations with me if i had done nothing wrong...

I told my second defence that if at all i had kissed her in april 2005 ...knowing that i I am a man of bad intentions . why would she visit my place 3 times after the first said kiss ? D countered her by saying that i told her that I will spoil her image in society and thus she will not get married if she not coming to my home and so she came........................

My third defense that D is spoiling both my and A's husband image . (sort of this thig... we blamed her so she is blaming us.)D countered this and said that she has nothing to do with A's husband and that he is very good person.Now A is also hiding fact that her husband molested D some two years before.

Now in october 06 D is also saying that I molested her in April 06 night when i entered her room and was near her and that I was pretending to sleepwalk and that i was in my full senses.I countered this and said that she should have told that day only to her sisters and why she is telling so late now .If d is telling so late it cant be held true...She countered this and said that if she told that day to my wife, we would have quarreled a lot and D did not want that so she kept mum over this.

Now D is saying all rubbish to all her sisters like that I deliberately undressed myself to full before her and that i showed her a lot of nude films to her.. i kissed her and she slapped me .. and all such nonsense.

I have not kissed D anytime and not even thought of her sexually.I have not even touched any woman other than my wife since and before marriage.I am feeling alone.How can I prove myself right in this case?

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Here is the problem, you cannot prove anything. It is her word against your word. What has to be done, and it will probably take intervention with a counselor..friend, priest/pastaor, professional for you and your wife to work this out and for her to gain that trust back in you. If she gains the trust back, then she can begin to back you up with her sisters. And I say if because it is up to her to begin trusting you. SOmetimes when trust is broken (honestly or because of a lie), it cannot be repaired unless the other party wants it repaired. It will take lots of work on both sides becaue there are probably underlying issues. Good luck, and be willing to work hard. You may have done nothing wrong, but she sees it as you did. The sad truth is too that you may never win this one and may have to give up and admit defeat.


    Bookmark   November 19, 2006 at 9:58AM
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My honest opinion? Unless the sister is bringing up charges against you, I would let the whole thing drop. Just tell her "Believe what you want, I'm innocent and I'm not talking about it anymore." And don't. It sounds like your wife believes you, and that is the important thing.

If there are legal charges, then you need a good lawyer, not a message board.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2006 at 4:37PM
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I gotta say your story was a little hard to for me to read; I'm a little confused at who is who so I'm not sure I got it right.

Originally, you were only blamed for kissing your wife's sister. Then it advanced to another more serious molestation charge (what exactly do you mean by molestation) that supposedly happened when your wife was home and saw you in her sis's room when sleepwalking.

And, then, there is another sister whose husband was accused of molesting this sister also, but these accusations have been dropped, and everyone involved is now acting like there was never even an accusation? I'd be a little mad at them for not sticking up for you if they see/know what is going on.

Either you are really messed up, or her family is. Granted, I don't know you, but your wife should, and she should know her sisters. Past history should help serve as your best defense. If you haven't ever made any passes at other women, if she knows you sleepwalk, and if she knows anything about her sister, I would bet your wife would believe you.

I wonder if you would offer to pay for lie detector tests for everyone what the response would be...

    Bookmark   November 19, 2006 at 11:02PM
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Tell the family you're going to apply to the Dr. Phil show in order to clear up this mess. Let them know polygraph tests will probably be involved and you're not afraid to take one. That may shut everybody up and they'll stop the accusations (maybe).

    Bookmark   November 20, 2006 at 9:15AM
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You and your wife's sister are the only ones that know the truth of it. The way it will come down is people will choose sides over it -- which is exactly what they should do. You'll learn very quickly who your friends are. Get the rest out of your life. There's no middle ground with an issue like this.

    Bookmark   November 20, 2006 at 6:27PM
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This is one of the most disturbing posts I've ever read here - in fact, it's been haunting me since it first appeared. I don't know which is worse -- the idea that you molested your wife's sister, or the idea that you didn't and she claims you did. Either way, it's a horrible, awful mess. For what it's worth, I find it very hard to believe that a young woman who behaves anywhere near appropriately would have been molested by 2 of her 3 brothers-in-law...

Of course, there's no way to prove either side of the story, since there wouldn't have been any witnesses. So it all boils down to a question of character, history and reputation. If your character is above reproach, your story should be believed (though perhaps quietly, since it's likely D is emotional, dramatic and vocal) and this should all blow over in a few months. If your character hasn't always been above reproach, let this situation serve as a warning that you need to monitor your behavior a little more carefully, and that in the future, you should not to let D get within 10 feet of you.

Without knowing any of the parties involved, I would have a tendency to believe that there was some truth to each side, with exaggerations and distortions likely on both sides.

    Bookmark   November 21, 2006 at 12:13PM
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I'm still wondering what your/her definition of "molesting her" involves. Did you supposedly make a pass at her, was your robe open, or did you try to rape her?

And, making her watch dirty movies-- How could you make her watch movies unless you kidnapped her or something? I'm still just not really understanding what went on.

I know you said you didn't kiss her...but have you ever tried to, or flirted with her? Are you generally a flirt by nature that she could have misunderstood something? And, how often do you sleepwalk?

    Bookmark   November 21, 2006 at 1:48PM
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Thanx all of you who are commenting on this and especially sweeby . Now my question is should i along with my wife go at her parents place and meet her and her parents and try to clear up the mess....I havent met her since this issue raised...Please comment .Your feedback will help me keep going

    Bookmark   November 23, 2006 at 2:53AM
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If you were planning to go before this whole mess errupted, or if your absence would be unusual and easily tied to this situation, then definitely go.

Go and be kind, polite, dignified, discrete and careful. Good luck to you --

    Bookmark   November 23, 2006 at 12:16PM
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Well, considering you haven't answered my questions, I don't really know what to think.

If sweeby was right with her comment "I would have a tendency to believe that there was some truth to each side, with exaggerations and distortions likely on both sides" ...and your are admitting you did do somethings, then maybe I would go and try to resolve everything.

But, if you are 100% innocent, and the SIL is totally making up everything, then I don't think you or your wife should be going anywhere this year where your SIL may be. If you need to talk to her parents about it..then do so separately and not on a Holiday. (I have to say, I couldn't tell from your post if the SIL was going to be present today, but it sounded like she may be --I take it the "she" in your post was your SIL and not your Wife -- hopefully you have seen your wife since thei all blew up).

    Bookmark   November 23, 2006 at 12:40PM
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Thanx carla and all for comments.
Firstly both of us used to talk a lot with each other whenever she visited my place.She used to sit in my bedroom most of time and we talked a lot about just pretty things and nothing serious.Once we also went for shopping together on my bike .

what i am thinking precisely is to go at her parents house,call her there and talk with her about this mess along with my wife and see why she is behaving like why she not resisted why i kissed her..why she kepy mum all the time and erupting volcano at time of marriage only ... and so on .and still if she says what she is saying now i will question her in front of her parents... and let them decide who is right and who is wrong....

    Bookmark   November 25, 2006 at 8:50AM
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Wait - now I'm very confused (as opposed to just confused!). In your original post you said you'd not ever kissed D.

But in your most recent post you said you are thinking that you'll talk to her about things, including "why she not resisted why (I assume you meant "when") I kissed her".

So you DID kiss her and she didn't resist? Did you do other things? I'm just having trouble figuring out whether you're saying that you did things and don't know why she's bringing them up now or whether you didn't and don't know why she's saying you did.

I know you're just looking for advice about whether you should discuss it. My advice is that if you do, you should make sure you're very, very clear about what did or didn't happen. It's not clear here (at least to me), so I hope you can be clearer in person.

Good luck!

    Bookmark   November 25, 2006 at 10:24AM
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