27/m. problem with intimacy, kissing, etc

fakenameNovember 19, 2007

I'm 27, male and been in my relationship for almost 5 years. After about 1-2 years into my relationship, I started having intimacy problems. I don't want to kiss her, hug her, or really even have sex with her. I find her attractive and really like her, but there is obviously a problem. This same thing happened with my last GF, I don't really understand what my problem is. I'm trying to end the relationship, but obviously it's hard.

Just wondering if anyone else has had this problem, or even if others have husbands that act this way and want to ask my my thoughts. I do want to kiss and have sex, only with other women.

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popi_gw

Well maybe you just don't love these women.

You are attracted to them, they are attractive people but you don't have the love that keeps you interested.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2007 at 12:49AM
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plasticgarden

I'm not a doctor and dont know your past,so it's hard for me to really say,but it just sounds as though you have lost interest.
Every relationship tends to "cool" off after a year or so.The begining is always wonderful with lots of sex and chemistry is high.Then we get comfortable and things settle down.We have to have other things to keep us interested besides just sex or we grow apart.
Maybe the relationship isnt stimulating enough for you mentally. So you lose interest.
Not sure if I'd call that an intimacy problem?

Since this is a marriage forum,ask any one of us who have been married for a long time,and we will tell you that it takes CONSTANT work to stay interested.Marriage is a job,and if neglected,like any job,it falls apart.
But because we are married and many of us have kids,we have many reasons to keep it together.

I'm wondering if you still expect things to be as they were when you first met your girlfriend? For that "new" feeling to stay.Because that feeling will always fade.If you expect it to always feel like that,then no relationship will last for you that long.
You have to do things to make it "like new" again.

Maybe you are just still not ready to settle down yet though? 27 is not that old,maybe you have wild oats to sow?
Everyone matures at a different rate.
If you really suspect you have a intimacy problem,then getting counseling would be your best bet before getting involved with anyone else.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2007 at 1:01AM
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sohurt

Just throwing out there something I am dealing with in my marriage.... Do you have children with your significant other? My husband and I had what I would have considered a "normal" level of intimacy before we had kids. After I became a mother, he found me attractive, but was uninterested in sex with me. According to him, he has a normal libido, but towards other women, not me. He was eventually "diagnosed" with Madonna/Whore Complex. Once the significant other becomes a mother, the man is no longer interested in sex with her, even if the love is still there. He thinks of sex with his wife or girlfriend who is now a mother as dirty, inappropriate, etc.... As far as I've read so far, I've yet to hear that this can be "fixed." Devastating to a relationship.... I wish you luck in figuring out your situation, and hope this isn't the case for you, but thought I'd throw it out there as something to consider....

    Bookmark   November 20, 2007 at 10:44PM
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