I know I'm doing the right thing but this feels awful
My husband and I just separated (my request). Me and my two
children just felt the stress go away. We've been married for 16 years. He can be mean, cruel, intimidating, he screams and yells, everything has to be 'perfect'. We have 2 children, one is bipolar and one has special needs. He has never been to any of their appointments and doesn't even know what meds they are on. If there is a problem, it is my fault. He has little understanding of others feelings, or just doesn't care. He sees his children as competition because I spend too much time with them. He hardly spends any time with them, after work he eats and goes upstairs for the night. Unless he needs to come down and yell at them. I can't even remember the last time I went to him with any of my problems because they always get thrown in my face. If we have an argument, he repeats whatever I say. ("i feel that way about you too") he can't even think for himself.
It feels like he doesn't think of us as people. for example
when he goes out, he just leaves, never says bye to any of
us. or if we are in the living room playing a game he will
just walk in and stand there like a statue. i don't know if
he's waiting for us to say something too him..just wierd.
He yells and swears at the kids. The screaming has stopped
after a few visit from the police. But my 10 year old son
still gets so scared, if he even sees us having a conversation he becomes extremely alarmed. He has been a bit
clingy with me so DH started calling him 'mama's boy'. He
throws a fit over things that aren't important. It is very
u[setting to him if the house is not perfectly clean.
He is disrespectful to me and the kids. Perfect husband everyone thinks. A superstar at work. He cannot have a
sincere conversation with my 10 year old. Can't just answer
a simple question without making silly noises or doing other irritating things. My daughter is 15 and pretty much calls
him on everything. A few weeks ago she was sexually assaulted by a boy she goes to school with. She is very upset and after one particularly hard day with her in tears
for most of it, he sees fit to scream at her for using his
hairbrush. I said, why don't you just go and he wants to
discuss 'logistics'-I'm like TOMORROW ok just leave now.
As he's leaving, my daughter is still sitting on the floor
crying, he says to her, "you know, sometimes my feelings
get hurt too". WTF? How self-centered can one person be.
It's been a week, we are on friendly terms and my son is
happy to be downstairs on his own with me upstairs, before
he had to be in the same room i was in. I love my husband-
maybe- I don't know, but I can't let him hurt the kids anymore. I feel guilty that I didn't do this sooner. But he always turned things around and made it all my fault. I've
wanted to do this but why now am I so upset? Does everyone
go thru this, I wish my kids weren't around so much so I
could cry...How am I supposed to be feeling? How can I help
my kids? (who seem perfectly happy and calm)?