Losing the love of my life (sorry long)

turkeytrottOctober 1, 2007

We have been married 17 years,My husband and I had a disagreement a few weeks back about his brother who recently left his wife of 27 years to hook up with my hubby's ex-girlfriend.I don't care about the fact that my hubby dated this girl but we have been together for over 20 years and she caused alot of pain for me,I got pregnant with our first baby and she had sent him a love letter which I found caused a fight he left, his family convinced him I wasn't pregnant and finally 3 months later we finally work it out after I have been told my baby is dead hubby watched me lose the baby he knows I was being honest (too little too late)during this time my hubby (bf at the time)dated someone else and she gave him his first born which I helped support for 18 years.Anyways there was many things she caused lots of trouble and I am not willing to open that can of worms.I said she is not welcome in our home but I will be polite at family functions.Hubby and his brother are not real close but he is really ticked off I feel that my feelings should count first now this has snowballed and he says he doesn't know if he wants to stay married,I am devastated.I have always stood by him. He had an affair in his hometown when we were married 6 years I stayed we worked through it,last year his father and step mom stayed with us for 5 months it was hell for me I stayed,now he wants to go see Dad (2Days min. away)in the town he had the affair to work through his feelings it is a small town where marriage means nothing I do not believe I can stay if this is what he is going to do.We were happy (at least I thought) when his affair happened now we aren't and he thinks I can trust him not to cheat,don't believe for a minute that I can.All I do is cry.We still have 3 kids at home and 1 gone with a new grandson,I do not for a minute want our family torn apart.Any advice welcome...please

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plasticgarden

Well,I'm sorry to hear about your problems turkeytrott. I'm not really sure I understand why your husband wants to leave though...because his brother married his ex? How does that effect his relationship with you exactly? Did he have an affair with the ex girlfriend that the brother married?
Also,why does he suddenly want to go see his dad?

    Bookmark   October 1, 2007 at 11:14PM
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asolo

Buy and read "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" (c) 2003 by Lynne Truss.

    Bookmark   October 1, 2007 at 11:16PM
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carla35

Now come on....play nice...

I too don't really understand what the problem is. He's wanting to go visit his dad in a town he had an affair in years ago... Is he seriously thinking about hooking up again with his mistress there or what?

I don't know, but he doesn't really sound like all that much of a gem to me anyway. I'd let him go; doesn't really sound like you'd be loosing all that much anyway. If he wants to cheat, he's going to; either trust him, learn to live with it, or leave him.

    Bookmark   October 1, 2007 at 11:36PM
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emily2006

He sounds life a selfish, insensitive twit. Your feelings should come first.

You don't have to allow anyone in your house that you don't want there. It's your home afterall.

If he can't deal with that, it's his problem. What more do you have to do to prove you're a devoted wife?

You could probably do much better, let him go. Find something better and more stable in your life.

It's a real kick in the gut to say to you, he isn't sure he wants to stay married, because of this realtionship over your brother-in-law and the ex-gf. How does he expect you to feel?

I'd let him go to his Dads, and change the locks. What a jerk!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2007 at 2:02AM
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turkeytrott

Well for the past 2 weeks he has acted like a jerk he says we have other problems which are stupid and have been a part of our lives forever, 1 was I finish his sentences, I said just say I know the rest of the sentence thanks, I do not even realize I do this. Prior to this crap he has always treated me well taken good care of me and is a great Dad. His affair was a long time ago and we have moved past that but he knows how I feel about his hometown. Just all this has brought it back to the surface for me. His Dad is 82 and dealt with cancer twice last year so I know he would love to see him and he feels he is killing 2 birds with one stone by going there to do his thinking. I feel he is killing our marriage. I really do love him, have since I was 14 can't even envision my life without him, but may not have a choice. I also am a true believer in once shame on you twice shame on me I will not stick around for that.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2007 at 4:26PM
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