Inappropriate Behavior

winker58October 10, 2006

My husband and I attended a neighborhood get together lately where a neighbor also attended without his wife. I believe she was at home with the kids. He drank quite a bit and began flirting and relentlessly hitting on a friend of another neighbor. He squeezed in between her back end and the back of the chair she was sitting on and so forth. He just kept it up. He not someone you would ever expect to do this. He is very fussy with his children and anal about almost everything. He talks about other people acting inappropriately and so forth.

I could barely look at him all night (he kept it up all night with this other person - she ignored him for the most part). I haven't encountered him since but can barely face him. Maybe I'm embarrassed for him.

A friend of mine told me that his wife should know about this. My husband told me that we should say nothing. I tend to agree. The bearer of bad tidings is always the one that gets the short end of the stick. It's really none of our business.

What do you think? Would it bother you to have seen this? I know nothing happened but I have this feeling that it would have if she had acted even slightly interested.

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asolo

"My husband told me that we should say nothing."

"It's really none of our business."

I agree. If this total stranger ignored it, who are you to intercede? Perhaps if you were hostess and the behavior was more consipicuous than you described there would be an obligation to confront. Otherwise, I don't think so. Your personal opinion is perfectly valid but I suspect the neighborhood wouldn't respond well to your electing yourself social constable. I say leave it alone.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2006 at 7:07PM
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donna_loomis

I agree with your husband as well. If the man behaves this way when he's had too much to drink, his wife is probably already aware of the behavior. Maybe that's the real reason she stayed home. Probably not, but as one who has learned her lesson the hard way, messengers are often shot.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2006 at 7:55PM
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bnicebkind

I suppose it is that golden rule, where we put ourselves in her place and we would want to know. And so we feel like it is the right thing to do, because it is what we would want done for us.

And yet, I do not understand why other people usually blame the messenger. And yet they do. Years and years ago, I had someone tell me that that a serious boyfriend did something like this. I broke it off, and thanked the person who had the courage to tell me many times. To this day, I am so thankful for his courage and honesty.

However, she has children and so this news would affect their lives too, and may bring alot of pain to these kids. So I do not think I would want to be the one to give the news to someone, that could break up a family, or make a home really unhappy.

Perhaps one of the guys will call him on his behavior. I said something once to a casual friend of my DH, who was always very nice...when we were at a black tie wedding, and his wife was there talking to friends, and he was chasing some single gal around. Wife was oblivious. I quietly said something to him, about it. He has been rather cool to me ever since. It's OK. I would do the same thing again. So be prepared, that if you say anything, you will most likely get the chill. I always wonder why the bystander/innocent victim gets blamed in this stuff, and not the person who did something wrong.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2006 at 8:35PM
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popi_gw

Maybe the guy regrets what he did, he may feel like a real idiot, it might have been the grog that fuelled that stupid behaviour. He may never do it again. Why didnt the girl tell him to push off, I wonder ?

I think I would have been tempted to say something to him on the night.

I definately think a male should say something to him. Just something like "gee, mate, you where laying it on last night, is that a regular thing when you are out on your own".

See what he says to that, at least everyone knows what he is like.

What a dill!

Poor wife, she's back at home looking after, her silly husband's children.

Popi

    Bookmark   October 11, 2006 at 4:06AM
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winker58

Thank you. You all confirmed what I already knew was right.

    Bookmark   October 11, 2006 at 9:46AM
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aikidokap

Teh funny thing is that we'll all watch this happen, then wonder what do do after the fact.

If I felt strongly enough about it, I might have said out loud at the get together "Hey Joe, I know the wine is good, but you do remember that Sue isn't your wife, right?" making a sarcastic joke, but drawing attention to it.

But your perception could be waaaaayyyy off, even if you know the couple:

They could have an "open" relationship
They could be swingers

Ya never know...and I speak from personal experience.

aiki

    Bookmark   October 12, 2006 at 6:08PM
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