reply;...don't know what's wrong with our marriage
thanks Carla and all, it was interesting reading your comments. I've noticed that something is wrong with my husband's ego. He doesn't want a big car or a big house, or any other possession with what men usually demonstrate their social status or at least the one they aspire for...
Perhaps deep down he desires those status symbols but ...? Maybe he is still a little boy psychologically. Also just like his mother he suffers that weird 'poverty syndrom', she eats rotten food while living in villa. There must be a deep fear inside that is stronger than anything even his love for his daughter (he really loves her, spends most of the time with her).
I believe more and more that he isn't JUST a jerk (although when provoked he behaves like one), but he's probably got sort of a personality disorder (as most of the comments point at). Honestly I never seriously considered that.And that thing whatever it is will cost him/all of us dearly.
Also interesting is to mention that he almost never takes action to improve anything without blackmail (at home. at work he is very undertaking). Even if the situation is crippling and makes everyone utterly tensed and unhappy, like not having home.So that's what I am doing- blackmailing and persisting until he starts to act. A little bit tiring though for 10 years.I think he is going to buy a house now when I threatened him with divorce. The problem is -I see it coming-that it may be too late this time.
Apart from that, why do I feel sad with him? Like he never memorizes things about me, after 10 years he still gets me wrong presents and red instead of white wine. He is not on my side if somebody hurts my feelings. He forgets almost everything we talked about and does things we agreed not to do all over again. Things that I hate he would try to convince me that I should try them or 'I would have liked them' even after I've told him 20 times to stop or that that would be very unlikely. For weeks he can be psychologically on an 'automatic pilot', saying things without any thinking or feeling.He doesn't talk. He is tensed and jerky, but also spaced out. Like suddenly, he can get totally spaced out; saying stupid things, behaving like a 10 years old...next day he is back to his feel but sort of cold and distant. He claims to be extremely sensitive, but only for or to himself. For others he can be totally insensitive. I became so alergic when somebody claims to be 'sensitive', one should be aware of those individuals. Like he (him mother does the same) always call people with slightly different names, like as if they can't memorize your real name, but come up with a version of it.As if to remember your name is too much of an effort.
I guess it comes closest to truth that I feel lonely because I can't connect to his personality, he says one thing today and something else tomorrow, doesn't even remember or says 'well that was yesterday'. Sometimes I wonder who the hell he really is?
I feel sad because our connection feels poor emotionally. I feel like I am constantly pissed of-objectivized- some person to him, not more or not less than anybody else.
Sometimes mutual friends pinpoint that it's no wonder how he is with such parents, or that I must have known whom I was getting married with. But man, he looks and behaves 80% of the time perfectly normal(mostly outside home in a social setting, at home it is reversed- currently 20% of the time normal).If I point at that discrepancy he says that he just works hard and feels burned-out, that's all. If he makes an effort he is rather intelligent, funny and good looking too. At work he gets always compliments.
He says he is crazy about me and that he'll do everything to keep me. Everybody around us thinks that that's so obvious.But also about that it's weird or unreal; at times either I think he's too fanatical about me or he doesn't care enough.
How was I supposed to know that guy is that much hypnotized by something, self-obsessed, inaccessible?
Also I reacted strongly to the first comment that he is punishing me for falling in love with him 10 years ago. I hope it is not that bad that he's got a bad self-hatred and tries to punish me/us for sharing his life?
Now when I spitted this out I see- the problem is serious.He also says that I am paranoid to think he's holding a conspiracy against me.Sometimes it feels like a conspiracy.
He used to be a 'pot head' in his 20's that's probably related to being absent minded.
Please write me back any clues,what you think it has been very helpful to me already.