DH says I'm negative and pessimistic, and it's bringing him down
He's been saying this for y e a r s. I finally decided, after spending a long time contemplating whether I really was such a negative person, that I'm not. At least I don't think so.
How do I tell?
My assessment is that he's projecting his own negative, pessimistic attitude onto me. He readily admits that he is a negative person, but says my negativity makes his worse. He says I'm negative b/c I'm critical and I complain. I don't believe I'm critical to the point of being unreasonable or impossible to please nor do I complain to excess, but I believe I have the right to complain a little or be "realistic" about something (ie, point out both the good and the bad) rather than just say the nice things...don't I? Wouldn't it be "fake" if I never said what was on my mind, and instead only told him what he wanted to hear?
I don't know that I know how to objectively assess the situation, or what to do with whatever I discover. I believe my core tendency is to be optimistic about things, for example I think we can resolve things in our marriage (but he does not, he thinks we're too different) but I do have a critical eye. I seem to have some perfectionist qualities; over time I've worked to overcome some of the problems that stem from that, but it's still part of my nature.
I feel like when it comes to some issues, issues that DH is "sensitive" about (anything where he's personally involved), DH wants me to never express myself or my differing opinion or make any critical comment. He doesn't want my "negativity". I feel like by holding all those things in that I can't be myself. I feel like he's being childish to be so hurt by a critical remark, and living in some sort of false reality, where I'm supposed to blindly believe that everything he does is wonderful.
By the way, the last statement I wrote would send him over the edge b/c he can't stand when I make sarcastic comments, either.
What is going on between us and can I do anything about it without feeling like I can't be myself?