Desperate for help...
I am desperate and need some help. I am a man trapped in a loveless marriage. My wife and I are more distant now than ever. We have been married almost 30 years and have 2 kids in college and one in highschool.
The problem is that my wife and I are like partners more than we are husband and wife. We don't fight, we just exist and haven't had intimacy in over a year.
I am 5o and lost my father last year. He died quickly from a vial disease and our family was in shock. I tried to go to my wife for support and she wasn't there for me. She says I pushed her away...but I was in shock and grieving. Shouldn't she have tried harder. This causes me to resent her.
Before this happened I moved my family to another state so the distance was hard. This year my mother passed away and because I have such a bad relationship with my wife I still have no support. It's more than I can take sometimes. Getting through each day is real challenge.
I am considering ending my marriage and trying to find a person who I feel loves me and wants to spend the rest of our lives together. This situation makes me feel trapped. I resent her for not being there for me. I thought better or worse meant that in a time of tragedy we should pull together. I really can't belive this but I think I would be happier in life with just my kids and not having to feel this resentment towards her all the time. I feel like she let me down. I would have been there for her. I love my wife, always will, but I don't think I can get past this resentment and feeling that she doesn't care about me. She treats our friends and family with more affection than she does me. Before anyone says...go to counseling....I've already thought about that. She has to be feeling the same emptiness I am and frankly everytime we have an issue, I always have to go to her to talk about it. She never starts the conversation.
What would you do? I REALLY have nobody to talk to about this so please give me some guidance.
Thanks for listening and I apologize for the length of this post. I really needed to tell somebody.