Husband wants a divorce

hotmama91September 2, 2012

My husband of 3 years wants a divorce, we have a 2 year old and I am pregnant. He will not try to fix our marriage and is staying with his mom. Does anyone have any ideas that can try to change his mind to atleast try? I love him so much and I know that he loves me. Please help. Any advice is appreciated.

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Well, a lot depends on his reason/s for leaving.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2012 at 4:18AM
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I agree, without any background information it is hard to give you an answer.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2012 at 6:43AM
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He said he doesn't love me anymore. We were getting along great until I told him I was pregnant. Once I told him he wouldnt talk to me for two weeks and said he was just in shock. For the past 6 months he has been working a lot of mandatory overtime and I think he is just mentally exhausted. I know we can work through this, but he has made up his mind that he doesn't think we can fix this. To me it feels like this is coming out of nowhere, and he says hes felt like this for months and thought I knew. He hasn't given me any "real" reason I feel like to throw all of this away and I am just so confused and want him back.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2012 at 11:14AM
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The fact is, you cannot change him. You can't make someone love you. You can't single-handedly wrest a loving relationship where there isn't one.

Maybe your husband IS suffering from exhaustion, maybe the thought of one more little mouth to feed, one body to clothe and diaper is more than he can handle right now. Maybe he really has fallen out of love with you and there's no shot at 'fixing things'.

You know that trite old saying, "If you love someone let them go, if they love you, they'll come back, etc"? It's the best advice anyone can give you right now. Give him space and time. Let him work through things in his own way. Maybe he'll be back, maybe not--but you really don't want to hang on to someone who doesn't want to be with you, do you? And remember, the biggest cause of death for pregnant women these days? Is being murdered by their baby's fathers. DO NOT force him back into the home--if he doesn't want to be there, it's not worth putting yourself, your baby, and possibly your toddler at risk of being hurt or killed if/when his rage bubbles over uncontrollably. Not saying that would happen, but putting someone in a position they don't want to be in is certainly the kind of thing that causes that sort of anger.

Hang in there, take care of yourself and your baby. Learn to be independent. Be the best parent you can be to the little ones. Then, if he comes back, great--go together and get some counselling so you can cope better with life's ups and downs. If he doesn't? Well, you'll be able to handle things on your own. Good luck.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2012 at 12:41PM
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It is difficult for you in your situation.

Is there anyone that can help you, family member ?

Perhaps you should seek out a counsellor, I am sure you are highly emotional and that is not a good time to make rational decisions.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2012 at 5:29AM
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"Does anyone have any ideas that can try to change his mind?"

Look up the child support formula in your state and calculate how much he will owe you each month for the next 18+ years if he leaves you with two kids.....then tell him.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2012 at 12:26PM
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I dont have any family other than his family and its kind of weird to talk to them considering he doesn't want anyone to know. I don't have my drivers license so it makes things really difficult. I have my learners license but I do not have anyone to drive with. He has agreed to pay for our house payment and bills and brings me groceries every week. I hate being dependent on him but I don't really have a choice at this moment.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2012 at 10:26PM
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It's all very well him not wanting his family to know but they're going to find out sometime. Don't you think they've got some clue from the fact that he's staying with his Mom?
Ask one of them to help you with your driving lessons- you could just say that your husband doesn't have the time to help you if you don't want to go into it with them.
You really need to start working out an exit plan- as azzalea says, you can't make him love you and you can't make him stay. You can make him resent and hate you though.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2012 at 11:22PM
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The more you cling, the farther away he will move.

Every woman, even those happily married, needs a Plan B. You just never know what is around the corner.

    Bookmark   September 5, 2012 at 3:08AM
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I would speak to his family - they are still your family and your children's as well. Keep your wits about you, it is going to be a wild ride. Just have the children's best interests at the front all the time while working on getting you ready for "anything."

The one big piece of advice I can offer is never, ever go for revenge or "I'll show you." This is a huge mistake. Wives all over hold back children's visits to get back at exes. Doesn't fly well when you're hauled back into court. Keep it open. Keep logs/journals - friendly witnesses. While making the transition as easy as possible on the kids.

With being pregnant, make sure YOUR health needs are met. I cannot believe a judge would sign anything while knowing you have no income and you are pregnant. This might buy you some time, as well.

Get a court approved advocate/helper if your county has this. Whatever you need - look into getting it. Financial assistance with school - food programs - WIC - I am not certain as to what you need to qualify. But they are out there to help people during times like this.

Also, would you truly want to be forced to live with someone you no longer loved? Why put that on him? Let him stay at his mothers.

But please, "talk." To everyone. Network like doing here. Be as selfish as you can for your children while trying to remain calm and peaceful inside. You will make it thru.

It's shock right now you are dealing with. Your senses will calm and you will get a game plan. Just don't try to get him back. Let him go. Surround yourself with Church helpers, neighborhood centers, what ever you can find.

My heartfelt prayers of power and smooth sailings go out to you. You have alot on your plate. Good luck!! (((hugs)))

I waited until the children were grown and out. Our divorce just might be final on our 29th anniversary-ug the irony!! I can't wait to get away from him - he is allowed to live here and it's not easy. Take care :)

    Bookmark   March 19, 2013 at 1:00PM
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So, he started working a lot of overtime and then suddenly says I don't love you anymore...
I would think it is better to be rid of him than to try and keep him around. You will be in for a letdown if you stay with this person. When a person wants to go, just let them go, it will only make for more difficulty and more heartbreak for you should you convince them to stay.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2013 at 2:06PM
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