changing sexual wants

carol04September 21, 2008

Where to start, well, we've been married almost 5 yrs., (second marriage for both). My husband had a medical scare, a couple of years ago, and since then, wants to try new things. Lately, it's having sex cam to cam with other "willing" couples. It really doesn't do it for me, and all he says is he wants me to be turned on, which will do the same for him. We have sex together, less often than the way he wants. The other people tell you what to do, how to pose, I am just not comfortable with it. He now is talking like it's over for us, because I don't like what he wants me to do.

PLEASE help with input!!!!!!!!!!!

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popi_gw

"He now is talking like it's over for us, because I don't like what he wants me to do."

This is the issue, here, he wants you to do something, and if you don't he is leaving. Boy..that's a bit harsh.

He should be concerned about your welfare and happiness. By making vague threats to you, he is not doing that, and if he wants to talk you around this is not the way to do it.

Did you help him out when he had his medical scare, I presume you did, well, it's time for him to consider your distress about this situation.

    Bookmark   September 21, 2008 at 11:56PM
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catlettuce

If you are not comfortable with it and I don't imagine many women would be (but I could be wrong here?)

You shouldn't do it, and he should not use it as relationship blackmail. That is sexual abuse in my opinion.

~Cat

    Bookmark   September 22, 2008 at 12:17AM
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catlettuce

to ad if my DH said that to me I'd tell him to go stick it somewhere else..BTW be cautious that if he has taped these experiences you get all copies & for goodness sakes don't tell him, just do it and then destroy them.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2008 at 12:20AM
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bnicebkind

I doubt many women would want to participate in what you are describing, and I would imagine most would be quite willing to let him go and move on over something like this.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2008 at 10:54AM
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asolo

Your husband's a pant-load. Dump him.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2008 at 12:53PM
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biwako_of_abi

But you are clearly NOT turned on, so why does he persist? (That question is really for him, not you!)

He is utterly selfish and the idea of allowing another couple to tell you two how to have sex (and then even watch you!) is beyond disgusting. He needs to know that one element important for a woman to enjoy sex is usually her husband's being considerate of her feelings. You husband is not only demanding that you do something that you strongly dislike, he is, in effect, also demanding that you even like it, just so he can get turned on.

In addition to making sure there are no videos of you participating in these little "exercises," I strongly urge you to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases, because a man with so little sense of shame and modesty, and who is willing to subject his wife to any indignity and embarrassment purely for his own pleasure, may well be having some adventures outside his marriage.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2008 at 5:52PM
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catlettuce

Good point Biwako.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2008 at 8:00PM
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scarlett2001

Tell your husband not to let the door hit him in the behind as he leaves! He is weird.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2008 at 9:32PM
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finedreams

these people might be typing you having sex and then posting it somewhere else on the internet or even selling it on porn sites. it is beyond scary. can lead to bad consequences.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2008 at 9:51PM
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close_1972

Isn't it also possible for the people on the OTHER cam to record what you're doing? So even if your H doesn't record or distribute your "session", they very well could.

This man does not respect your feelings and I believe what he is asking you to do is extreme. If you both were in mutual agreement then do what you want, but that doesn't seem to be the case with your situation. If you haven't communicated to him how uncomfortable you feel with his request, now is the time. He's essentially asking you to have sex with other people, albeit virtually.

He is being very selfish and is trying to manipulate you by "talking like it's over". Ask yourself honestly what you love about this man, what you dislike about this man, and whether you could spend the rest of your life with him the way things are NOW. Don't think about how it could be great "if only".

    Bookmark   September 23, 2008 at 9:03AM
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carol04

Thank you SO much everyone. Now I wish I had the courage to have him read the forum. He certainly doesn't see what he's doing to me, and my feelings. I have felt so alone with this. I know I don't want my marriage this way.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2008 at 10:42AM
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suzieque

Your husband is the one who should feel alone. Just remember - the other couple is supposed to be getting turned on by watching what you and your husband do (in addition to your husband being turned on by them watching). This other couple is watching a very private, intimate activity - - - you're being pimped out.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2008 at 12:59PM
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scarlett2001

Suzie - I don't know the nature of his medical scare, but he may have some type of condition that is causing this bizarre behavior. I once had a neighbor who became obsessed with sex -all types of it. Eventually they found a brain tumor.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2008 at 3:22PM
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tracystoke

Never do nothing you are not comfortable doing.If he doesnt like your decision then he really does not care about you,and simply isnt worth it.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2008 at 4:21PM
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lindac

Sex is a couple "activity"...involving pleasure and joy for both participants...
If you like what he suggests and it turns you on....go for it!
If not....tell him no thanks....and file.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2008 at 7:04PM
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thermometer

I never understand what it is that some women need other people to tell them these things.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2008 at 10:39PM
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catlettuce

Can you elaborate themometer?
-Cat

    Bookmark   September 26, 2008 at 10:53PM
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lucinda_grow

"i know i dont want my marriage this way"..... get out,walk away,be happy

    Bookmark   October 1, 2008 at 4:03PM
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cheesecurlgurl

Got to give the guy credit for being honest with you about his desires. Especially if those desires are generally not socially acceptable. But let me tell you one thing I have learned: Sex is something that is so important and so personal that a couple really needs to enjoy the same things or eventually somebody is going to feel like they have been cheated out of their pleasure. When I married,20-plus years ago,my husband knew exactly what I liked. I assumed that,since he approved, he would also enjoy the same things. This was not to be,and I wish I had made sure he had the same fantasies as I before I married him.Seriously,your husband sounds like more fun!

    Bookmark   October 14, 2008 at 6:37PM
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