Do I have problems?
My husband and I have been married for 13 years.
We have one boy together.
I work (normal job and more hours) than he does. he has a union job and I am working for a private company. he always said that it should be fair for both us. I agreed on that, so, I tried to do work equally (usually I do more work) for every house work. we agreed that he will do outside and I will do cooking (he cannot cook).
Usually I am ok with my life, but sometimes (i got stress out or my PMS period) I cannot stand my husband. normal days, I give up some of my expectations of my life (some house work that he promised to finish or will do) and tried to understand my husband's side (usually they have their side of stories), but once a while, when I got angry, I can get over it. I feel like he lies to me, so I got so angry
First, when I start talking about I would like to him to do some work(sometime, I understand that my voice of tone can be frustrated or demanding, Because I know that I can be very demanding, I try not to say a demanding way),
he said that " why don't you do your work and stop check on me like my mom." "You are not perfect either and look at the mirror, I am not your kid.. stop telling me what to do" this is the way starting our war!
Many years ago, he said he will do house work that he promised, it has never done, than I complaint that it was not done, He suggested that i should write down a list.
I tried, but that was a short period that he would follow. and it goes again with the same thing.
Than, he asked me that he need a time line (enough) to do work on his own schedule. so, I asked him that how long he needs to accomplish the or some work. He did not said. of course, i gave him enough a time line(if there is a work to be done), but it has never worked either!!
Now, it goes over over over again. we moved to the new home that little bigger than the old one. I want to clean up and settle down quickly otherwise, it will become like my old home. (you know, the stuff that never clean or use, but sitting in the house and made the house looks really bad..)
He said that he will, but three months later, things are not done yet!!
after we fought, he promised that he will do better(he never start talking this way, the first he will be angry at me for I am being a control freak, than I got really angry, he will said that he is sorry) and will put more effect on what he promised, but now I cannot trust him anymore. Past year, I did trust him and if he tried to put some effect on anything, I tried to be happy with that (although some things never turns out what I expected)
Now, I feel like he will just says that he will do more work to just shut me up. so, he does not have to deal with this matter anymore.
also, I got angry and i cannot get over it. anger become rage!! I scream to him, angry at him, crying .... (this stage comes when he told me that I am just being a control freak!!
yesterday, he told me that I have a problem and need to talk to a counselor. (he said that it appears that I am the one not happy about this marriage and mad about little things, not him, that is why I need to see a counselor.)
I think i do have problem.. I know that three or four days later, we will be find, but this will be again..(my anger)
I was not like this before.
what should i do?