Own Business with Ex-Wife

cc1820September 5, 2007

Let me explain. In 1993, I opened a business with my then wife. We could not live and work together so by mutual agreement, we parted ways. We became friends and still are today. In fact, I am the god father of her new son. I stayed single for 8 years while I raised our daughter and just enjoyed the time off. I decided to begin dating again and since I dont like bars, I went on match.com and in my profile, I clearly stated that I owned a business with my ex and that we were friends. I met a girl, we got married last October. I gave her half ownership of my house. I bought her a life insurance policy in case something happened to me. I gave her access to my 401K. In short, I protected her should anything happen to me. The equity in our home alone will take care of her. Well now it seems she has changed. She told me she wants me to seperate my business with my ex. She told me that no womnn would allow her man to have a joint account in a business. She feels that my ex is out to destroy us and I have not seen any proof of this. In regards to the statement, no women would allow this, would some of the ladies who read this please respond. If you were told ahead of time, is it fair for her to all the sudden change the rules. I cannot seperate my business account as we have money tied up in the business but I know what I have made for the past 14 years. We live a good life yet I feel she has really gone overboard. Is she insecure or jealous? I dont know and I need to find a way to get this taken care of. At this moment, I am not happy and tired of hearing her talk about it all the time.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I think you have been more than fair with your wife. She knew what she was getting into when she married you and you have been a real treasure, making sure she is looked after if anything should happen to you.

So why would she come out and say this after all this time ?

Perhaps she is feeling insecure for some reason.

Did something happen that you can think of, that could facilitate her reaction ? Does she meet with your ex, socially ?

I assume you have asked her "why" ?

Perhaps if you just explained to her, how the accounts work in the business, talked about what would happen if things went wrong.

Sorry I can't be more help, I am sure you will have some good suggestions from the other posters.


    Bookmark   September 6, 2007 at 3:33AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I smell a hidden agenda emerging. Be vigilant. Better yet, get it straight with her right now. No sense in having this kind of doubt poisoning the atmosphere between you.

Exactly what wonderfulness or other assets did your new wife bring to the union? Has she been talking with her girlfriends? So far, you've described very strong consideration from yourself to her. Would be interested to learn where her new dictator-syndrome comes from.

    Bookmark   September 6, 2007 at 12:27PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Sure - I can see how it would make a woman feel insecure...
But that type of doubt is something a sane woman works through *well* before contemplating marriage.

I agree with the other posters that from what you've written, you've been completely honerable and fair with her, and that it's not reasonable of her to ask now to change the rules.

But I also have to wonder if something has happened that has triggered her insecurities. Is your relationship with your Ex anything she should be concerned about? Or has something happened that would give her reason to feel that way? If your Ex still has romantic feelings for you, or if your wife has reason to suspect she does, then that would constitute grounds for reconsideration.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2007 at 6:09PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Generally, women that have a overly jealous nature always have it; it's not something that will all of a sudden pop up for no reason.

I tend to think there is more to your story than maybe even you realize. Maybe your wife thought your relationship with your "X" was totally professional and was a little put back by you being made her son's Godfather. Maybe there are even some 'rumors' floating around about the kid being yours, etc. If your relationship is as friendly as it sounds, I wouldn't doubt people have thought it. Do you travel alone with your "X" or spend a lot of personal time with her? Maybe there is some reason that she really believes your "X' has it in for you, or even her. I wouldn't necessarily believe that her emotions are just insecurities or jealously...often women can sense possible problems ahead of time.

I'd really have an open mind and hear her out. Her concerns, jealously or whatever may have some merit or be justified in some ways. Even maybe distancing yourself from your "X" personally may be a compromise. I'm not sure I could handle my husband not only working with, but also having a very close personal relationship with someone he was once deeply in love with... even if I originally accepted it in a relationship, it may not be heathly for the long run and she may just be realizing this now. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

    Bookmark   September 9, 2007 at 2:16PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

"She told me that no woman would allow her man to have a joint account in a business."

"her man"?

I can just see my mother saying something like that to my father.

After he got through laughing, he'd have taken off his glasses & wiped his eyes & said, "now what's the problem here?"

On a practical level, what does she think you should do?

Sell your half of the business & go look for a job?

Try to make your ex-wife/business partner sell you her half?

    Bookmark   September 9, 2007 at 2:34PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I'm no lawyer, but hey, I've watched enough of them on TV - isn't that where most of us get our educations these days? Sounds to me like you are screwed.

I'd tell my heart to shut-up and go consult a lawyer. Too late for a good pre-nup but there still may be moves you can take now in the event that she's plotting. I think she's trying to get her hands on the money in the business.

Trust is a major part of the foundation of any relationship. It sounds to me like either she doesn't trust you or she has a hidden agenda. If you've given her no reason for doubt then I think she's going over the edge - or she's feathering her nest prior to the next victim. Sounds like you've got plenty of cash. Have you considered getting a private investigator to find out if she's up to no good?

Sorry I'm so skeptical but I'm also a realist. The beatch knew about this prior to the marriage.

If you were dirt poor I'd be inclined to say that maybe she's insecure and jealous. But I'm betting there's a lot of cash at stake here.

When this relationship goes belly-up, be sure the next woman you hook up with has more money than you, that way you come out better in the event of another breakup.

    Bookmark   September 14, 2007 at 6:24PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I didn't think of it, but securelurker may be onto something;

don't know about other states, but Texas is a community property state.

Assets acquired after the marriage, with a few exceptions like inheritances, belong to both partners.

Money that hubs had in the bank prior to the marriage would likely be his separate property, but if hubs buys out ex-wife, then new wife might own half of ex-wife's half.

at least.

I once sold a house for a guy who had the saddest story.

Paul's grandmother had owned her house free & clear.

She told her only son, Paul's father, who was her executor, that she wanted Paul to have the house.
The other 2 grandchildren had more money & fewer children than Paul, & Paul always had been her pet.

However, she didn't dictate that in her will;
she just told her son what she wanted.

When she died, Paul's father decided that that wasn't fair to the other grandchildren, so he came up with a complicated formula by which Paul "owed" about $18,000 to make each grandchild's portion roughly equal.

Paul, a normal blue-collar payday-to-payday working father, had to take out a mortgage to pay the $18000.

Several years later, when Paul's wife filed for divorce, the judge decreed that the house was community property because it had been *bought* after the marriage.

Had he *inherited* it, it would have been his separate property.

so Paul had to sell the house that his grandmother had wanted him to have, & half the proceeds went to his ex-wife.

OP might do well to consult an attorney.

I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   September 14, 2007 at 7:53PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Lots of varied opinions here.I agree with most of it. Either your wife is after the money,very insecure,or like popi suggested,something happend that is making her feel threatend.
If I were you,I'd probe alot deeper as to why she feels this way. Did your ex say something to her? Did she flirt with you in anyway? Is she causing any other problems? All questions that must be answered so you can tell what is really going here with your wife.
Maybe she always had a problem with it and now that she's wife she thinks she can get you to do what she wants.

    Bookmark   September 15, 2007 at 2:20AM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Frustrated and lonely
Hi, I am really glad I found this forum, I can see...
I don't think my husband likes me anymore
When we first started dating he always wanted to be...
My Parents Hate my fiance...HELP!!!!
I need advice BAD!!! My parents hate my fiance, they...
Wife cheated Entire Marriage, do I stay? - Help
I found out after 4 years dating and 10 years of marriage...
Age Difference
I posted this on the Parents Forum but it was suggested...
Sponsored Products
J K Adams Traditional Carver - 20W x 14H in. - TCB-2014
$77.00 | Hayneedle
King 200TC Satin-Stitched Flat Sheet - WHITE/NAVY (60.30)
$80.00 | Horchow
Alvin Heritage Extra Tall Display Easel - ATA-4
$39.99 | Hayneedle
Uttermost Brearly 5 Shelf Etagere - 24126
$635.80 | Hayneedle
Full/Queen 300TC Flat Sheet - BLUE
$220.00 | Horchow
Prince Lionheart Original Slumber Bear with Silkie Blanket - Pink - 0015
$29.99 | Hayneedle
Windster RA-60TB Series Range Hood Baffle Filter - RA-60TBBF
$45.00 | Hayneedle
Two King 590TC Pillowcases - IVORY
$220.00 | Horchow
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™