My husband is a workaholic...

patricia1964September 10, 2008

I am at my wits end here. I have been married to my husband for 19 years. We have an 18 year old daughter. Since out dating years my husband has worked either long hours or had 2 jobs at one time. He loves to travel by car. We decided to start a company together (this year)so he could do what he loves and make his own schedule. Last year he was gone for long periods of time frequently. This year has been worse. Even when he is at home for just a few days he is not here he is what some may call "a company man". When we went on vacation we could not enjoy ourselves because his "job" ( my husband is an independent contractor who does networking from east coast to west coast) kept calling him. I am tired of him spending more time working than us being together.I love my husband and I know he loves me.He says it bothers him to be away so much too. He thinks this is his way of showing how much he loves his family by making good money. Now, I have never been impressed by money, and I have frequently told him our time together is more valuable than any amount of money. When I bring up the subject, he says he just wants us to have a good life. We already have a nice house, and vehicles. He was brought up with very litlle and I just do not understand his work ethics. When I say he is gone for long periods of time, he was gone 6 weeks at the beginning of the year. Then 3 weeks here and there. The next job is another 6 weeks long. I am not exaggerating when I say he has been gone more time than he has been at home. I don't want him to quit his job, he is very good at was he does and he loves it. I just would like him to trim back his schedule and make time for our marriage. I get so depressed when he is gone. I think about ending our marriage and getting my own place to live. But that is not what I want, I love him, I would like more time with him.

I am concerned about his health also, he is so exhausted when he comes home. He really doesn't have the energy to do anything.How do I cope?

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Me thinks he enjoys it or he wouldn't do it. If he really, really wants to give you a better life, pay of everything including your home, get debt free so he can cut back without jeopardizing your life style.

    Bookmark   September 10, 2008 at 5:36PM
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Does he charge by the hour? (or 'sort of'?) In other words, can he put a specific dollar value on his time? And how much value would he put on fun time together?

The reason I'm asking is that my husband is also a workaholic -- it's just his nature, and not something I'm going to be able to change, I think. But he's also a reasonable man who values his family.

He used to spend hours every weekend doing yardwork -- not because he enjoyed it, but because it needed to be done. Once we had a 'price' for his time, it was easy to see what those hours spent doing yardwork were "worth" to have someone else do. If he valued his time at $50/hour and would 'spend' an additional $50/hour for special time spent together, he could have spent $300 to have his three hours of yardwork done and come out even. It only cost $40, so he was able to rationalize that it was money well spent.

    Bookmark   September 10, 2008 at 5:52PM
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