midlife crisis wtf!?

amber3379September 27, 2013

Well it's official my husband is going through a midlife crisis... I had a long talk with him found out what his problem is. But I have a choice to make I have an opportunity to move on with someone else or ride this out and maybe we will stay together. I've stuck it out this long and things have changed a smidge... I'd like sheeeesh I don't know advice and no I haven't cheated on my husband. With this man I have a decision to make.. and I don't know if this is God's will for me or not

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amber3379

The last thing he said he had to do was get a divorce and still stay together I said no way I won't do that and he won't wear his ring until he's completely comfortable with where we are going not that thats important but who says those things?

    Bookmark   September 27, 2013 at 4:35PM
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sylviatexas1

'won't wear his ring untl he's completely comfortable with where we are going'

???

What self-serving drivel!

'Going through a midlife crisis' is one of those lame excuses that people use for doing whatever disagreeable thing they want to do without being answerable for it.

If he were truly confused/lost/seeking himself, he wouldn't be pursuing a self-serving agenda (having you remain 'there' for him & married to him while he has abandoned you & magically made himself 'single').

& he wouldn't be blackmailing you (threatening to not wear his is threatening to dissolve the marriage) to get you to agree to something you don't want or something you aren't comfortable with or something the nature of which he isn't disclosing to you.

I don't know what the answer is to your situation, but I've been through 2 episodes of guys, 1 husband & 1 boyfriend of long standing, actually moving on while whining about finding themselves & having crises of identity ad nauseum, & my experience is that it's over;

he's just not ready to move out (hasn't got a girlfriend or hasn't got her into position so he can move in with her), & he's not ready to demand that you move out (might not get a girlfriend or might not be able to reel her in).

I'm sorry.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2013 at 4:54PM
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amber3379

Why are you sorry? You're probably right

    Bookmark   September 27, 2013 at 5:05PM
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colleenoz

So, he's saying "I want to be single" until he decides he wants to be married again, and expects you to hang around while he gets his act together, if ever? No way Jose. How much more crap are you prepared to take from this guy? A lot, it would seem.
Nope, he needs to s**t or get off the pot, or you should be off living your own life. And don't move straight from one relationship into the next, get your own head together first so you don't end up making the same mistakes again.

    Bookmark   September 28, 2013 at 12:11PM
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emma

The best thing you can do with your life is make him move out or find yourself an apartment even if it is just a studio furnished one. You need peace in your life. You and he can still talk about what went wrong and if both want to fix the marriage you can still do that.

I don't advise you to move out even if it is his former home, because you would be giving it and the equity to him and you need some money to set your self up somewhere.

I have a neighbor who has a boyfriend and they have been in a relationship for years. He moved in with her once and that did not work so he bought a home in our development and they are still girlfriend/boyfriend. Works for them.

    Bookmark   September 28, 2013 at 12:20PM
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amber3379

I know I have a pair somewhere .... I don't know what my deal is I've never been like this before I'm to afraid to take action for one I'm not financially stable enough to take of my daughter and I...I'm to afraid i guess

    Bookmark   September 28, 2013 at 3:24PM
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amber3379

You're right the more I think back about everything... he said that I couldn't have pink hair or anything(not that Iwould) because he has a reputation to uphold with the community just doesn't want me to be me wants me to be who he wants me to be..self serving drive you're right and I'm doing it now thinking this is what I need to do to make this work.. I've been so blind for so long and afraid to make a mistake I've said no to him and he says you can leave any time you want its always been on you...

    Bookmark   September 29, 2013 at 8:08AM
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amber3379

He's trying to get me to make the decision so he doesn't look bad. And I can't allow that it's a battle of wills more or less. He is trying to push me away it seems so ill say f*+k it and walk away

    Bookmark   September 29, 2013 at 8:27AM
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suzieque

Amber - seriously? You're already considering another man and wondering if you should leave your husband for a chance at happiness with this other guy? Come on.

Forget about the other guy! Yes, leave your obnoxious, self-serving, loser husband - yes. But why do you feel the need to jump from one man to the other so quickly? And to already be thinking that this other man may bring you happiness? Don't you think that you can be happy on your own (and with yourself) first? What kind of a lesson are you teaching your daughter?

As for God's will, in my opinion it's certainly not His will for you to be treated as your husband has been treating you NOR is it for you to jump from man to man. His will is for you to be happy - and happiness comes from within.

Get out, get your and your daughter's lives straight, get some maturity and self confidence that doesn't rely on anyone else, date a bit without expecting each new person to your knight in shining armor, and have some self respect.

Stop blaming your choices on God. God gave us free will, and he expects us to make good choices.

Does this post sound harsh to you? Good. It's meant to be. You've posted several times about your situation and you seem to ask for opinions and then believe what you want to believe. I don't know how old you are but you're obviously chronologically old enough to be married a couple of times and have a child. It's not too late to get a backbone, ask God to guide you (and LISTEN to His guidance), and become someone you're proud of.

Good luck.

    Bookmark   September 29, 2013 at 9:45AM
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amber3379

Not considering another man I mean moving on and dating this man not marriage ugh I'm sick of marriage and serious relationships I'm waking up a bit I realize I can do better in life than this. For my daughter and myself

    Bookmark   September 29, 2013 at 10:44AM
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amber3379

I'm not as afraid and weak as I think I am

    Bookmark   September 29, 2013 at 10:49AM
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amber3379

Well we're done he is filing on Monday and I Actually feel relieved

    Bookmark   September 29, 2013 at 11:57AM
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sylviatexas1

It is a relief, isn't it, when whatever you've been dreading or fighting is finally over with?

It seems like a weight or a burden is gone, & you can think more clearly & plan more freely.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2013 at 12:54PM
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amber3379

Yes it actually feels great

    Bookmark   September 30, 2013 at 3:09PM
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scarlett2001

You said he is filing. You need legal representation. Divorces often have "surprises', even among people who have agreed to an amicable split. Protect yourself and your daughter's future by having a lawyer. This is business, not emotions.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2013 at 1:59AM
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