You're sure to get a laugh from this one!

gardengirl_nancySeptember 20, 2006

My husband is 60 years old and had this beautiful white hair that I loved, it is NOW steaked with grey and dark in the back. I asked him what he put on his hair, we have "discussed" this several times now. I think he is using grecian formula but he sure isn't doing it at home. He gets mad and screams and yells and swears that he isn't doing anything. I say well if he isn't then someone else is putting something on his hair. Last night we "talked" about this again. He says "I don't know what is making it darker I have noticed it too and I can't figure it out". Daaaaah how stupid does he think I am! I get so tired of his lying to me! I could care less if this is what he wants to do, but why does he have to lie!? I even showed him pictures with his white hair and one with it dark and he still "doesn't know" why it is dark now! I get sick of his lying about things. Another good one is smelling like perfume but it came from the "phone" at work! I have felt like a nervous wreck for 40 years with this man and feel my only peace will be when I am in my grave.

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Somehow that didn't sound so laughable to me. You're implying that you know he's cheating on you, and you think we'd find that funny. I don't think it's funny. I do think it's rather pathetic that you'd stay with someone who lies and probably cheats on you for 40 years. Sad. Very very sad.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2006 at 5:01PM
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No laughter here.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2006 at 5:41PM
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Sounds like it could be a medical condition to me. Don't you find it odd that the back is the part that is colored? There are medical conditions that can cause this. Not sure how much and what he lies to you about, but are you sure he is lying? I guess I just can't imagine why he would dye his hair like that, and why, if he did, he would lie to you about it.

I'd tell him to see his doctor to find out if it is a medical problem. Worse case scenario..he'll make a fool of himself in front of the doctor for lying about it. (Be sure to go to the appointment with him)

    Bookmark   September 20, 2006 at 6:01PM
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Is it really that important ? If he wants his hair like that, good luck to him. If there is deception, now that is a problem. Do a search on the internet about hair chaging colour.

    Bookmark   September 20, 2006 at 10:15PM
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I guess I wrote that wrong. I found it funny that his hair could go from white one day to gray the next and especially dark in the back. It was so obvious that something was put on his hair and his saying he didn't do anything, to me was a joke. Guess I was the only one who thought his lying about something so obvious was funny. Like I said I don't care if thats what he wants to do but I don't understand the lying about something so obvious. I guess I was hoping someone could help me understand why he lies! I searched the net for a medical reason for this but couldn't find anything. If you know please tell me. I'm sure if it was something medical it would not have happened in 24 hours. Yes I do know I am stupid for staying with him and I wish I could leave, but at this point in time it's too late for me.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2006 at 12:55PM
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From what I understand hair color can be affected/change because of some thyroid/hormone problems. It can also be affected by some medicines and even vitamins. Usually premature greying is the problem; but if his "problem" was fixed, it may resort back to the old color. Wikepdia says "Grey hair may temporarily darken after inflammatory processes,..." (not sure what that means, but it sounds like an autoimmune problem to me). From your further description it does sound like he's probably lying to you, though.

I dated a guy for a while who would lie, sometimes for no real reason. He was perfect in most ways: gorgeous, smart, successful, etc..but he would lie as a hobby. I just couldn't trust him. I thought, you know, he'll probably never cheat on me, but I will always think he may be and I just can't live everyday like that. I prefer being married to my husband who I can totally trust and never question even if he comes home late smelling like perfume. I would probably just assume he was accidentally sprayed at the mall.

I don't know why people lie, especially when there is no good reason. So what if he wants to try some Grecian Formula. Maybe it's a control thing or he just doesn't want anyone to know him fully.

I'm not really sure from your post, though, do you think his main problem is compulsive lying for no real reason, or do you really think he is having an affair (and just lying to cover it up)? Those are two distinct problems that would probably be handled differently.

Personally, I would still like to see what his reaction is if you tell him his hair color may be medical condition and that he should talk to a doctor. I know if I woke up one morning with a different color like that, I'd at least have a call in to my Dr.'s office. Wouldn't you? Call him on it and see what his reaction is.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2006 at 2:12PM
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You know what bothers me about your post....the two statements:
1. the only peace I will have is when I'm in my grave (because you're a nervous wreck)
2. You can't leave him as it is too late for you.

Why...if he makes you that nervous...LEAVE HIS SORRY AS$. And it isn't too late for you to find a kind, gentle caring mak to love you, or to learn to love yourself so much you don't NEED a man, but if you find one, then it's a nice addition to your life!!!


    Bookmark   September 23, 2006 at 9:20AM
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If he isn't cheating on you so far--you sure know how to make him nuts.
Maybe he wants to look younger at work--its pretty competitive out there. My husband doesn't haunt me if I change hair color.
If you think he's cheating--thats an easy analysis.
are blocks of time missing
does he come home and not eat dinner
does he travel without you and be unreachable
is he on the phone/computer for hours and hours
drop by where he works for lunch unexpectedly--anybody new around? I would be surprised if anybody changed their hair color for an internet romance. So look around.
There could also be somebody cute at work who would not really consider going out with an older married man, but is bright and cheery.
Last, you might not leave him as it is too late for you, but he might think that he's not in his grave yet, and he might actually find somebody who thinks he is wonderful.
So its crunch time for you--do you want him or not? If so, you need to make the effort.

    Bookmark   September 29, 2006 at 1:04PM
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