lizzie2September 18, 2010

I reread all the old post and seeing all the old pain again made me sadder still. I am still married. Although I am to blame, I stayed. I do not ask if he still sees Tari, the therapist told me not to ask. My daughters feel that when the youngest graduates high school, he will divorce me. I stay away from everyone except for one lady whose children my youngest has befriended. She has gotten me back into church; she does not know why I stay by myself all the time. I am on depression medicine and there is little time I am happy. I did do one thing for myself, I went out west to see my cousin alone. I had a blast. He did not even call to talk to me. The girls did. Most people were hugging their arrivals; mine did not and I carried my bags to the car. I went from having someone open doors and talking to me to being treated like normal. I guess maybe it is the time of year; I mean 3 years ago she came to the fair to see us and prove there was nothing wrong going on. But she lied to her mom on the phone while she was here. Am I stupid for remembering all this and letting myself get upset? He says he loves me only when he knows I am depressed. I do not why I am crying. I just need someone to talk to. Thanks.

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((Hug)) Lizzie,
I can't quite follow all of your post but I feel sad that you are so unhappy still.

You may have to refresh my memory, as I can't remember who "Tari" is?

It's good you are addressing your depression and getting help with that. Try not to be harsh towards your self during this time. It is very hard to motivate towards change when you are in the grips of depression.

I think once your medication kicks in and you feel not so fragile you may be more inclined to make changes in your life. Good that you went & enjoyed your trip. I think you should plan another one & focus on that so you have something special & fun to look forward to.

Wishing you strength & peace.


    Bookmark   September 19, 2010 at 10:02PM
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Oh my goodness, I feel am sorry you feel so bad right now. Please don't beat yourself up any worse. Depression is hard enough to deal with even when you have a good support system in place. Please keep on working with that. You need to have yourself better and thinking clearly before you make changes. It is easier to not keep thinking "what if" when you are thinking clearly.

I am not sure who Tari is, but what ever the situation, it sounds like you are doing what you can for now. And another trip sounds like a really good idea. It might help you clear your head.

    Bookmark   September 21, 2010 at 3:57PM
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If Tari is an ex lover, I'm not following why you are not supposed to talk to your husband about your concerns?

Sounds anti -therapeutic to me, but then again we don't have all the info -

Forgiveness is not something you can experience on your own. You *need* your husband's participation and transparency.

No wonder you are depressed - take care of yourself.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2010 at 12:02PM
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Honey, you've been unhappy with your relationship for years now and by this point it should be clear to you it's unsalvageable. If it was, then you would be in a better place now. Your husband doesn't sppear to be making much of an effort to make you feel cherished and wanted, which not surprisingly is having the opposite effect on you. Honestly, unless you enjoy being miserable for its own sake I really think you should call it a day and get out on your own. Too bad if your husband "can't afford to divorce you", he should have thought of that before he started having an affair and neglecting you. Look after yourself and find a good place to be.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2010 at 6:38AM
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There are times I am not miserable but those times are fewer and fewer. Tari was his first love, he tried to find her before we started dating and did not. I had always like him and although I dated someone else; I ended it to date him Tari was married a few months before we were. They reconnected at an event the oldest daughter was at and they had lunches and so on but never told either spouse. It all ended up with them getting together one night and him not getting home until 1am; she has meetings one night a week for where she is employeed and her husband works two jobs and probably did not notice she was not home unless he was home alone. I am not to talk to him about it for after he lied the first time the therapist said I would never know the truth. It is just so hard not to think about things when the nights I have to be somewhere with the daughter he has a "work meeting" and then the date changes and so does the time. I just wish I could believe him but that is not going to happen; how do you forget the lies and the pain? If I could forget all the things he has said to me that were mean and so on; I could be happy but how to you rebuild trust when each time he lies again. I know he cannot afford the divorce right now but it is too miserable staying here and hurting. How can he hug me and say he loves me when he does not. I mean why tell someone if this was the case I would have divorced you; I wish we were not together. There are times he says he loves me but again how do you trust? Is there anyone out there who was or is in this same condition and made it through stronger than ever? Is there any hope.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2010 at 1:59PM
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he cheated in 2006 and continues cheating in 2010, he was mistreating you all these years, he stays with you because it is too costly to get divorce (his words), your kids are way too much involved in your personal life, you are miserable yet you choose to stay...I don't even know what to say...

    Bookmark   September 26, 2010 at 4:09PM
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