I reread all the old post and seeing all the old pain again made me sadder still. I am still married. Although I am to blame, I stayed. I do not ask if he still sees Tari, the therapist told me not to ask. My daughters feel that when the youngest graduates high school, he will divorce me. I stay away from everyone except for one lady whose children my youngest has befriended. She has gotten me back into church; she does not know why I stay by myself all the time. I am on depression medicine and there is little time I am happy. I did do one thing for myself, I went out west to see my cousin alone. I had a blast. He did not even call to talk to me. The girls did. Most people were hugging their arrivals; mine did not and I carried my bags to the car. I went from having someone open doors and talking to me to being treated like normal. I guess maybe it is the time of year; I mean 3 years ago she came to the fair to see us and prove there was nothing wrong going on. But she lied to her mom on the phone while she was here. Am I stupid for remembering all this and letting myself get upset? He says he loves me only when he knows I am depressed. I do not why I am crying. I just need someone to talk to. Thanks.