After 20 years of marriage, no intimate life
I'm starting this thread to see if this has happened to anyone else and what they did about it.
My wife and I have been married for just over 20 years and are in our early 50's. We both work, I am a stock/bond trader and can work out of the home. My wife makes a lot more money than I, but it's been that way for about 15 years.
The problem: we have no intimate life. For the past 10 or 12 years, my wife has slept apart from me. Back then, she mentioned that I snored, but I took care of that. There have been no affairs(I'm almost 99% certain my wife has not had any either), no abuse of any kind, and neither one of us are spendthrifts.
My wife is simply not interested in sharing an intimate life. If we're talking just about sex, I think twice a year would be enough for her. I've had to force the issue, so we end up having sex perhaps three or four times a year. She never initiates.
But I'm also talking about affection. Most of the time, I have to initiate this and it seems my wife doesn't even want me to touch her. On the rare times that we sleep together, she sleeps in "sweats" and swaddles herself in the covers, so I can't even snuggle with her. She's told me several times to "stay on your side of the bed".
Formerly, my wife would fall asleep in front of the TV in the family room, but then our teenage daughter started asking her why she wasn't in bed with me(she also asked me!). I told her to ask her mother. I guess my wife got embarrassed and now beds down in her closet with the door closed and the TV on all night.
I've talked to her about this behavior at least a 25 times in the last 10 years or so, but she mostly just says: "I don't know" or something vague. Finally, I forced it a few weeks ago and really had it out with her. The thing she kept coming back to is that I don't clean enough. We have cleaning ladies come in once a week. She says cleaning is important to her and an "underpinning" to an intimate life together.
I'll never understand this, but I'd appreciate some points of view, both male and female.