Yard art, you say ???

gonefishinOctober 8, 2004

THE ANATOMY OF A WOODPECKER (no, not that silly.)

Early this fine day, the nutty perfesser, Doktuer Jeckyl Billenstien woke up thinking "I can DO IT ! " Being more of a meat and potatoes, working tools kind of guy, never being much of a patron of the arts, let alone an artisan, he had never before given a serious thought to artworks.

He dressed hurriedly and stole into the deepest recesses of the scrap yard part of his secretive compound, closing the gates behind him. Those outside waited nervously as seconds ticked by, before hearing shreiks of hideous laughter, interspersed with an occasional "AH HAAA!", along with the clanking of metal and ratteling of chains. After what seemed like endless seconds, the gates gradually creaked open and this pile of scrap was to be observed awaiting further action.

Working feverishly, Doktuer Billstien proceeded to set up a cutting torch, his welder and his trusty hand grinder like someone intent on a mission to take spare discarded parts and breath life into them with some kind of creative ferver. Firing up the torch doing some cutting, grinding fitting and welding, things begin to take shape within a few minutes:

Legs to run with Strooong, like Roosin Vommmmin!

Staightening crooked leg, would be a shame for this fast running Roadrunner to have to go thru life pidgeon toed !

With tail feathers in place, eye staring blankly and toes to go, here he is with his little modeling buddy!

Care takers found Doktuer Billenstien spent and exhausted from this tremendous outburst of creative energy, propped against the work bench cogitating whether this young bird will clean up good and accept some enhancing paint to look more like his little idol buddy, or if he should paint him black, put him on a stick to be stuck in the ground and viewed from the street like one of those siloutte cutouts of a cowboy leaning against a tree with one foot proped up and his hat over his eyes like he is taking a siesta, or one of those bird dog silouttes on point. They dragged him into the kitchen to be resusituated and revived with a boloney sandwich, chips and big glass of iced tea, then tucked him into bed for his customary afternoon nap. To be continued = - - -

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Continued from chapter one ---

Awakening from his restive slumber, Doktuer Billenstien, with fervor diminished, faced the harsh realities most new parents do, with considering the future for the creations that their passions have wrought. Try to find a good feindishing school, or take on "the grind" of taking off the rough edges himself. Having always been more or less been a DIY (do it yourself) kind of guy and realizing the pecarious, and problematical possibilities of placing that trust into the hands of someone that might not be as zealous and caring as he hoped. So ---- he decided to go it alone, again, as usual.

Thinking, now, the twig is bent, the first stone cast, so I will have to see it thru. Oh, if I were an artist, with a little paint, I could do this bird proud ! But regardless of how he may look when done, it's what is inside that counts, and this baby is made of strong stuff that will endure the tests of time, when I am done with him.

To be continued in chapter three - - - -

    Bookmark   October 8, 2004 at 8:51PM
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Now, Dr., that is one fine specimen. If you turn it loose on society your neighbors will not run in horror, but rather grin and marvel at your feat of whimsy. You do yourself proud, and make fine use of graveyard foundlings.

    Bookmark   October 14, 2004 at 6:26PM
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(noworries , THANK YOU, THANKYOUVURRYMUCH ! (my Elvis impersonnation in print) ":_^) *note the sideburn )


Batteling a more than customary bout of angina over the past two or three days, the mad Dr. Billenstien (mad because he can not do what he used to be able to) has not made much progress on the "bird", that and attending to other things of necessity and perhaps even interest. A collegue and compadre passed away a few months back, his widow and son sold the home, are moving and are giving away or selling cheap, his treasures, but that is another story.
Doktuer Billenstein dragged himself to the lab / makeshift artist studio, did a little codgitating. Inspiration flickering, he began shakin, stirin, mixin in some quart cans of paint he had absconded with from someplace recently, and set to work for a brief time muttering, browns, bronzes, I need browns and bronzes. Result below, don't laugh, whattaya expect a birdenstien to resemble ?

May be continued at the sole discretion of Dokturr Billenstein and a greater power.
Bill P.

    Bookmark   October 14, 2004 at 8:39PM
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I had my doubts at first, but my faith in the good DR has been restored. Is there now hope for people like me and my complete lack of artistic ability? I would hate to get my hopes up. Not a bad looking bird Bill, I've seen "modern art" sold for big bucks that looks like a bunch of junk next to your bird.


    Bookmark   October 15, 2004 at 11:06AM
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Wow ! Thanks Kurt, I will pass that on to the Dr. Perhaps I should ask if he would consider putting him on ebay, where a verigated tomato plant went for big bucks, hey, I could sell little packets of tomato seeds for a fraction of that, nearly all of which would produce varigated leaves starting at the bottom and working their way up with lovely yellows, browns, golds gradually enveloping the whole plant and turning to dead.

Excuse me, I digress, YOU CAN DO IT, KURT !! Set your mind free, let it run thru the foot hills and high meadows with them maverics and cayuses, thru a grove of quaking aspens, snow capped mountains against an azure blue sky. Something will come to you, and like Jerry Reed said in that old song, "She got the gold mine, I got the shaft" "He, who expeth nothing ~ ~ AIN'T GONNA BE DECEIVED! "
I took a radiator hose clamp and clamped his left leg to a piece of rebar and stuck him in the garden amongst the tomato plants to see if my neighbor Tom over the back fence will notice him. ":^) (I keep calling it, him. Be supprised if I go out there and find a clutch of steel ballbearing eggs in a nest of wadded up baling wire, won't I ?) t.i.c.
Bill P.

    Bookmark   October 15, 2004 at 9:40PM
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That is so funny! LOL! I just think your bird is a great piece of artwork, Bill. It's a prime example of folk art. just wonderful. Thanks for including us in his/her birth.

    Bookmark   October 18, 2004 at 12:32PM
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Thank you DrynDusty, actually it was motivated by the other "Yard Art" thread below, and in an attempt to kinda "get things going" a bit. Several people have suggested that sort of a thing since I retired and started dragging home things from a local scrap metal yard and accquring metal working tools and making things around the homestead. Like Kurt, I never tried anything like that and never considered myself as having any abilities in that area, but just decided to throw it out there and let there and let the chips fall, the tomatoes and other overripe produce fly, or laughter which is good for the soul. ":^)
I see your other interests mentioned on your home page and like you, I hang out some on several of the other forums, Lawn and Garden Tractors, Soil and Compost, Vegetable Gardening and have been to the Greenhouse one a few times. Probably need to be considering that seriously for those outside plants the wife will be wanting me to drag into the house soon, although I may be lulled by our record high of 93 here yesterday. A couple of days ago it was chilly enough to need a flannel shirt over the usual attire.
Best regards.
Bill P.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2004 at 6:30AM
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CHAPTER THREE AND A HALF (while thinks are kinda slow)

Little beknownst to most, Doktuer Billenstien occasionally has to get in touch with the vegetarian side of himself, calling it a healthfood kick, however some blame it on a necessary transfusion some years back that triggers an occasional hankerin or cravin for a mess o greens, or some other kind of ol country soul food cookin. After a few days of unusual monsoonal type weather he decided that today was the day.
As he approached the greens patch, something caught his eye. There, right there in the middle, about 11:45 is what was spotted.

What the heck was in the greens patch ? Closer inspection revealed the answer:

Yep, sure nuff, there he was ! Birdensteen lurking amongst the greens like he was lookin for something!
As Doktuer Billenstien approched, he begin to notice a few small holes in the leaves, and began thinking, I know what he is doing, he is helping ot rid the greens of bugs. When confronted with this, Birdensteen was quick to point out that the rich heritage and tradition of his species was in the snake security field, not lowly insect pests that toads, camellions and lesser birds should be in control of if they were on the ball. Saying that he would much prefer to rip a snake to shreds for lunch than ingest insects, adding how many rattle snakes you seen in this greens patch ????
Deciding to let well enough alone, the Dr. went ahead and picked a fine mess o greens, washed and removed the stems at the garden sink. A further indication of his frugality and reluctantance to throw trash away that might later be utilized for some useful function, setting up an old sink removed from the house while remodeling to use out by the garden.

    Bookmark   October 25, 2004 at 7:46PM
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I couldn't help myself..that's art!
Mr Bill P,
I wanted to say something really witty but it seems I've lost my ear plug and that durn tela prompter runs too durn fast so I have to wing it. It ain't a doo doo bird ***grins***grins some more...Huh? a yeah, you did a good job, I can see you've been workin hard on the newly disolved huh E volved short legged road runner that pecks all greens. Heck, I thought it was a woodpecker too, but what the heck! it pecks wood too!
88more grins***
opps! now who's outa place?

    Bookmark   October 25, 2004 at 10:22PM
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Thank you so much for giving me my laugh of the day!!!!!! That was hilarious! I do like Birdenstein.I watched Mary Shelleys Frankenstein last night and understand fully how you must have felt creating him. Don't you think he needs a girlfriend now?

    Bookmark   October 26, 2004 at 7:36AM
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":^) Thanks Annie !

You are welcome Coppertop, and thank you. Yeah, I find it comical when I reflect back on them pictures of him in the greens patch. I dunno about a mate, but understand the need for everyone to have one. Do you suppose the ratteling and clanking of mating dances and rituals would disturb the peacful tranquillity of our semi rural setting day and night ???? Then there might be them little birdiestiens running all over the place, getting underfoot. Should we consider a sequel ? A daytime soap opra ? ":^)

    Bookmark   October 26, 2004 at 8:28AM
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Bill P..thanks so much for the wonderful story and pics..they're just what the 'Dr.' ordered. I adore Birdenstein and hope to see his many friends..surely a cool bird such as himself has many many friends? Of course if they are all off on sabatical, I will surely understand..but do hope they will return in the future ;o).

    Bookmark   October 28, 2004 at 2:10PM
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The last time Dr. Billenstein checked on Birdensteen, it seems that he may have gotten in over his head now! Or, has he got something going on in there ??????

    Bookmark   December 8, 2004 at 12:06PM
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    Bookmark   October 4, 2005 at 10:49PM
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Unfortunately, I don't adrander. Someone else may. I did buy a welding book off ebay at one time that had plans for just about anything that you could think of, from working farm machinery, stuff for the home and yard, to spiral staircases.
Have you tried a google search, that might turn up something.
This thread was just my one time whimiscal, tounge in cheek attempt at any kind of "art".
Somewhere, I saw some pretty innovative stuff made out of horse shoes, If I can remember where, or run across it again, I will post it here.
Come back and let us know what you find and how it works out.
Bill P.

    Bookmark   October 5, 2005 at 8:02AM
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    Bookmark   October 7, 2005 at 8:10PM
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Adrander, I looked for some welding project books on ebay and will post the link (which you can click on) to what I found below. I do not see the same one that I bought, but it had numerous ideas and plans in it and I thought it was well worth the money. However I have not run out of ideas about stuff that I want to make and have not tried any of theirs yet.
It might be a starting point for you.
Bill P.

Here is a link that might be useful: Welding books

    Bookmark   October 15, 2005 at 12:14AM
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Bill P

I cant believe you did not tell me about this forum are you hiding from me? (LOL)
I love metal work.
Now I will go back and look at what you have posted.


    Bookmark   November 14, 2005 at 2:20PM
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Thanks Worth, did not think of mentioning it. Welcome to the board and a group that work with metal in one way or the other.
I look forward to seeing your postings and some of your projects if possible.
Bill P.

    Bookmark   November 16, 2005 at 10:35AM
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