Tried everything I can think of:

kcadvice_2008September 24, 2008

Hi: I have a situation in my marriage and I desperately need some advice. I have tried everything I can think of. My husband's personal hygene has gotten so bad that I feel I no longer want to be in a relationship with him. Our relationship is good other than this problem and obviously intimacy. He feels it is normal to shower once a week. He also feels it's better not to brush your teeth because it protects them better. Please help! I am suffering here. I am feeling so lonely becuase I have no affection in my life. (MY choice) I can't bring myself to kiss him, or make love to him. His breath is horrible and he smells of body odor regularly. I've had friends complain about his hygene. I've had strangers complain. I have tried to talk to him about it with love and affection. He gets mad and fights with me. I've tried being down right cold hearted about it. Again, he just gets mad. I've asked him if he was feeling depressed about anything and he claims he's fine. I've begged friends to tell him, but they won't. I've drawn him baths, he won't use. I've bought him new special toothpaste he won't use. I am completely lost and don't know what to do. I do love this man, but I think I'm beginning to fall out of love with him. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to go out in public with him anymore. I'm embarrased! What should I do?

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
silversword

Kcadvice, I had an aunt who married a Frenchman who had the same issue. She would get all sexy, and get him in the shower with her, and give him a good, sexy scrub-down. That was her foreplay. I don't know what to do about the teeth. Maybe have him escort you to your dental check-up and advise the hyginest beforehand what your issue is, so that the dentist can "nonchalantly" bring it up with him?

I feel for you. My ex-husband would not use deoderent.And he'd wear tank tops. His bo would get so bad I would be embarassed. It did not make me feel like getting closer to him at all!

    Bookmark   September 24, 2008 at 12:27PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
asolo

Sounds as if this is a change from previous. How were things in the past? Over what period of time has the change occurred? I suspect mental trouble not only because of the change but because of his resistance to correction. Descent into curmudgeonliness (if that's a word) can be indicative.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2008 at 1:41PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
popi_gw

How does he hold down a job, when he is in this state ?

I agree with Asolo, sounds like he has a mental problem, he is not listening to reason.

Perhaps you could talk to a doctor.

You really can't go on like this can you ?

Popi

    Bookmark   September 24, 2008 at 6:00PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
phoggie

I have this problem also.... DH has a terrible body odor and also neglects brushing his teeth, etc. I buy him deodorant, cologne, etc, but it goes unused. Although he does shower every 2-3 days, it is still hot here and he just makes me gag! Who wants to be loving with someone who smells like a boar hog?!?!?!....not me. Also his weight has been extra ordinary and he has a stomach that looks like he is 12 months pregnant, but I know he is going through a depression, but that is no excuse to not shower and brush his teeth......so I can relate to your problem.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2008 at 8:16PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
catlettuce

Oh dear,
I'm not sure what to make of this but would suspect psychological disorder if it is a new behavior.

It sounds like you have tried to approach him about it several different ways. I think the next step would be to phone his physician and express your concern over his mental state. If dr agrees they can cert him for a psych assessment (in the US), but think I would try to approach him and gently but persistantly insist that he be assessed
for depression. If he still refuses go to his Dr.

How does his emotional state seem otherwise? How does he work and cope with the world outside your home like this?
Also is this something that is common in his ethnicity/family background (Don't mean to be insulting-don't flame me!)? Is his father the same way?

~Cat

    Bookmark   September 24, 2008 at 11:23PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
lindac

Was he clean when you were "courting"? if....how did you stand it?
The first and foremost thing about "sexy" is CLEAN!!

    Bookmark   September 26, 2008 at 5:33PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
zowlik

Well kcadvice, nobody else has brought this up so I may as well.

Sounds like he may be trying to avoid any and all closeness with YOU. Poor physical hygiene is often a foolproof barrier for unwanted activity. Are you perfect physically?

Just because you say other people have commented on his problems doesn't make it so. Sounds like exaggeration to me. What friend or even a perfect stranger is going to tell you your husband stinks?

    Bookmark   September 28, 2008 at 12:03AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
biwako_of_abi

Well, Zowlik, you certainly may have a point about his trying to avoid closeness with his mate, but "Are you perfect physically?" doesn't seem like quite the right question.

Does anyone have to be "perfect physically" to hope for some closeness with his/her mate? Kind of a harmful question to ask, IMHO, and the degree to which other people may have or may not have commented really has nothing to do with the central problem.

    Bookmark   September 28, 2008 at 1:55PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
carla35

I don't know what to tell you. I wonder how many people don't bathe regularly. I actual have some older friends who only bathe every week or so and they actually seem rather clean to me.

I found the following poll that suggests that 18% of the pollsters only bathe once or twice a week... A little shocking to me, but I don't totally doubt it.

I've always been sort of shocked by older ladies that get their hair done every week or two and don't wash it in between. Makes my scalp itch just thinking about it! But we probably all know someone, and they probably do appear clean.

What kind of work does your husband do? Does he general work up a sweat a lot? I do wonder if maybe he is subconciously not taking care of himself so that he can limit physical intimacy. Not that there is anything worng with you; maybe he's afraid of pregnancy or their is some other reason for wanting to keep you at arm's length.

Here is a link that might be useful: shower poll

    Bookmark   September 28, 2008 at 11:41PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
mistopheles52

Hi: It's quite a dilemma isn't it? My hubby is the same way and I have been married 31 years. Looking back, it would appear that he has always seemed to be like this, always procrastinating about physical and oral hygiene. How have I put up with this? I guess, at the time I thought he would change....so I put up with it for awhile. He would go through times when it wasn't so bad for me but really when I think about it now, I feel it is a way of not wanting to be physical at all. Maybe he is trying to punish me for something that I didn't know that I did. He has always been like this....but it can be very covert and subtle. Passive aggressive? Maybe. I am in no way like that myself. I am a clean person about my physical and oral health and cannot understand why he takes such a lacsadaisical attitude about this. He wears a top denture and has his own bottom teeth but he will not go to the dentist. His teeth are starting to rot on the bottom and his breath is absolutely horrid. When he eats, food will stick on his plate and if he smiles you can see it there and he takes no interest in cleaning them after he eats. I have tried talking to him about this in the nicest way I can but he seems as though he doesn't care. I am sure that other people notice it also. His breath is so bad sometimes that I can actually smell it when we are driving in the car. Absolutely horrid. When I wash his clothes, I have to use a spray on the neck and underarms because if I don't, you can smell the b.o. even after they have been washed and dried. I don't understand how anyone could be so lazy about this. Needless to say, I am not in the slighest interested in being intimate with him. Doesn't matter anyhow because I don't think he even cares. It is so disrepectful. I really think that it is just sheer laziness. And, no it's not depression. Depression holds people back from doing many things in life and he certainly has no problems doing what he wants to do. I have just learned to do things for me too but it is so sad that he is like this. I understand how you all feel.

    Bookmark   September 29, 2008 at 4:16PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
popi_gw

How can people like this hold jobs, wouldn't the work mates complain ?

Mistopheles - how sad for you to be in your situation. You deserve happiness in your life. You are a doormat to this man.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2008 at 5:58PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
lucinda_grow

I would think it was grounds for dismisal from job.

    Bookmark   October 1, 2008 at 4:24PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
scarlett2001

Kowlik-with all due respect -a real doofus post. Let's blame this woman for not being "Physically Perfect"-that's why her husband is a filthy pig. Puh-leeze.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2008 at 4:30PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
hausband say bad words after he gives me gift!
hi, I appreciate any suggestions. We are married for...
happylife-2
Getting a little help from your spouse
Well, the holidays are here and as usual, I'm worn...
scarlett2001
Viagara - Sorry long
Here's my issue a few months back my hubby (45) had...
turkeytrott
Asexual guy
I have a question with this, but first let me explain...
TyC113
Wife cheated Entire Marriage, do I stay? - Help
I found out after 4 years dating and 10 years of marriage...
whazzup44444444
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™