Sulking husband

Beck123September 3, 2011

My husband sulks!

Sometimes for no apparent reason he stops talking to me for up to 10 days at a time.

How should I react?

I've tried to continue talking to him but am met with a stony silence or a grunt.

In the past I've usually been the one to bring it to an end by talking him around but now I feel this might have been a mistake as I've shown him that I tolerate this behaviour.

In fact I find it dissturbing and unacceptable.

But I don't know how to deal with it.

This time round I'm behaving the same - ignoring him too - but it doesn't make any difference. Also I don't feel good about behaving this way - it seems so immature.

I've tried talking to him about it when things calm down and he's agreed not to do it anymore - and yet it happens again and again. It's almost like a weapon he's using against me when he's angry about something.

Any ideas how to handle this?

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Yes, leave! You are describing my ex-husband's behavior. Is your husband controlling in other ways? It took me a long time to see how controlling my ex was. If you don't have children with him, why are you putting up with this? Wouldn't you be happier without him? I know I was much happier after I left.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2011 at 11:49AM
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Yes leaving does sound like the best option. Not so easy though.
We own a business together.
But that's not the only reason. To be honest, I'm scared to leave. I don't want to end up alone. I know it sounds crazy that I would rather put up with this behaviour than be alone. I'm just hoping and hoping that there's another way.
Is he controlling in other ways? I feel that just through this behaviour he's already controlling enough as I'm scared to step out of line in case it brings on another sulk.
I suppose what I really want is for someone else to tell him that he can't do this to me!!!

    Bookmark   September 3, 2011 at 12:30PM
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Sounds like some variation on depression to me. 10 days at a time is getting out there. Normal people have moods. They come and go. You're describing more than that. The thing should be addressed. I think he's in trouble.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2011 at 1:02PM
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My husband of 33 years was like that. He tried very hard to change, but it is almost impossible to change who you are. I stayed with him because I loved him in spite of his character flaws. He was also kind, generous and would do anything for me.

Looking back on my experience with this problem I can offer this advice. If you don't love him, leave him. If you love him...ignore it, don't let him see how much it upsets you. Be warm and loving to him, make him feel guilty about it and find places to go and things to do without him. Redirect your thoughts, I concentrated on the good things about him.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2011 at 5:35PM
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Asolo hit in on the head. Could be depression. This man needs a good physical to see what is ailing him.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2011 at 8:36PM
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Sulking is immature. But I do remember reading about how men like going into their caves. He might just need to do that more often than most !

Seems a bit harsh leaving him without trying some counselling at least.

You are right when you say you don't want to end up doing the same thing, but I guess you are forced into that situation.

Your whole method of conflict resolution needs to be addressed, maybe there are too many issues that cause conflict between you.

Perhaps you could read a book about such issues to get you some tips on how to deal with such people.

I guess the key is to get him to admit that he has a problem, easier said than done.

But if you both admit there is a problem then you can both decide to fix it.

It really is a passive aggressive behavour trait that is not acceptable and will ultimately cause havoc.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2011 at 12:01AM
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Has he had a thorough medical exam? I'd start with that--given the cyclical nature, I wonder if he could be bipolar? That's a chemical thing and can be treated to make life more bearable.

If you can get him to have a complete exam that addresses his issues, and nothing shows up, then why don't you try counselling--if he'll go, great; if he won't, at least you can get some support and help for yourself. Good luck.

    Bookmark   September 6, 2011 at 8:20AM
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You might want to look at what sets him off. There must be a reason. We were out with a couple once, and he was so quiet I felt like checking to see if he was alive, but she never shut up for a minute. I had a couple come in once to do a trust and she was so nasty every time he opened his mouth, its a miracle he didn't leave, or smack her. They had been married 30 years.
I'm not suggesting thats how you are, but maybe thats how his mother was, or a previous wife.
Can you try wearing something sexy and offer a backrub? If he turns that down, I don't know what to suggest.

    Bookmark   September 14, 2011 at 11:05PM
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