A virgin's perspective on asexual marriages
I have read several posts on sexless marriages in this and other forums and I can explain many good reasons/points why.
Let me state that I am a 25 year old man who is a virgin and will always be a virgin because I have no sexual orientation, I am what they call asexual/nonsexual/zerosexual. I am never marrying because it would not be fair for me nor her and I have no physical attraction to anyone/anything. I never want children nor intimacy and for this, marriage is pointless.
There are plenty of asexuals, anywhere from 3-20% depending on the source. Probably 1-3% are completely asexual, have zero libido/drive/horny and find the mare thought of intercourse to be vile, dirty, disgusting, sick, sinful, etc. I am in the 1-3% and I in fact find anything more than a peck on the lips to be disgusting. I hate porn and have never masturbated or done anything with either men or women beyond cuddling and a quick peck kiss.
I am also antisexual which means I am against all forms of non-procreative intercourse. I know all about diseases, unwanted pregnancy, pathological, physical, psychological, emotional harm. I also believe it's a perversion, sin and transgression of nature to mate for recreation. I was never abused.
About a third of asexuals are also aromantic. Most aromantic asexuals can tolerate, but don't like being romantic. They will cuddle, hug, kiss, hold hands if you insist but are happier being left alone and not touched. You definately don't want to marry an aromantic and an aromantic should know well enough to never marry as that person wants nothing more than platonic friendship.
I consider myself hetero-romantic but there is a such thing as too much romance, men generally are less romantic than women. I will be happy to cuddle, hug, hold hands, kiss(no tongue) as often as everyday. Romance is fun and emotionally satisfying. Some people call this physical, if so, this is my extent of physical and I don't even "need" it, if she didn't want to be romantic/touched I will respect this. After all, the best friendships are based on a much higher spiritual/psychological level that transcends the physical.
Many asexuals aren't true 100% asexuals(I can't relate to even them) they may more accurately be hyposexuals. Their libido/horniness is high enough to overcome the natural queasiness/disgust/replusion so that they are able to successfully go ahead and get laid but they have little or no interest. Many of them reluctantly oblige(as if doing you a favor) to make you happy or due to sympathy/mercy but the "pleasure" is one sided. Is this what you want in a marriage? As the spouse gets older, their libido falls below the treshold and this can manifest as them oneday saying "enough is enough" as they have begun to realize mating is simply gross/disgusting/repulsive.
Most of them do not want to seek medical help and they stand correct as it's usually not a medical problem, asexuality is a valid orientation or rather, lack of. They do NOT want to ever get laid again and resent others that try to change them to be something they don't want. I am very happy being asexual, it makes my life so much easier and I feel pure and blessed too.
Of course some are not asexual but chemistry simply fades away. They get bored of the same old, same old. They may still masturbate, look at porn or even cheat. As long as no infidelity is going on and they don't touch porn, which is lust and adultary in the heart, you should stay married if the only thing missing is mating/intercourse. I shake my head at how selfish one spouse is to demand everything from the other when they *are* getting everything "but" mating. Marriage and love come from the heart, not penis! The women should still feel loved if the men is there for her psychologically, spiritually and emotionally!
I will never understand why some women(and men) are willing to throw away a perfectly good, loving marriage just because s/he can't get "some" mating. Lust is *not* love! If the woman(or man) wanted physical "pleasure" so bad, go ahead and do it solo, go satisfy yourself then go cuddle with your spouse with a smile on your face. If the physical is a big aspect, perhaps you should not get married ever. To me, the analogy would be like divorcing because the wife wouldn't cook for me. Oh big deal, I can cook just fine myself. It's something so insignificent that some are too quick to make a big deal out of and throw away a perfectly loving marriage lacking this one thing, be it getting laid or whatever. You do know you can "get laid" yourself using your hand or an adult toy? Just as I can cook my own dinner myself.