Sometimes I wonder if she really loves me or if I just make here feel safe and secure. If she really loved me would she question my integrity? WouldnÂt she want to care for me as I do her? But then tells me that I donÂt care for her frequently. Not much more I can offer so I donÂt understand. Its not like she really cares for me neither emotionally or physically but I still care for her. She asked for a divorce, I fought it for a while but then agreed. Once apart I start my life without and then back again apologizing begging for me. 1yr later she brings up things that I did while I was starting my life without, none of your business as far as IÂm concerned because you didnÂt want to be a part of it. I continually offer my support of your position in your life and your family but I donÂt get any in return. I am too heavy, too cheap, too emotionally unavailable, too much of everything to remember but not too much good. I sometimes wonder if we will grow out of this or if we will just continue to push one another away until we run, or I run. No cooking, no cleaning, no support, no respect, no sexÂÂ.what am I doing here? What is here for me, other than the responsibility I feel for caring for her "till death do us part" I said. But she always says she loves me and embraces me and reminds me that she always says it first. Does that mean you mean it more? I am getting older and wondering, is this it? I want what my dad has or my grandfather hadÂ. A woman who cares for and respects me and cooks and cleans for me and rubs my head and asks me if everything is ok? Is this a fairytale I wonder? Is this a thing of the past and does not pertain to my generation? Sorry for taking your time but I feel better getting it out.