Husband treats me like crap! How do i stop it?

tiredoffightingSeptember 4, 2012

My Husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. He started treated me like he just does not love me or just does not care about me. he never tells me he loves me, kisses me, hugs me, tells me im beautiful. nothing unless i say something to him first then he will tell me he loves me or when i ask for a kiss sometimes he tells me no or im playing a game on my phone right now every time i call him he tells me he is busy and he can not answer but he will text if he does answer the the phone he will only talk for a sec and seemed really annoyed that i called him. he starts fights with me almost everyday he does not even talk to me he treats me like crap tells me im worthless. if i tell him im going to leave and i walk out the door he turns my phone off cancels my car insurance. i just can't deal with it anymore im nine months pregnant and i have nothing thats why i dont leave because he didnt want me to work so i depend on him for everything i just dont know what to do anymore i cant handle it. i cry all the time he does not even care if i cry he just ignores me. he will literally go all day with out talking to me unless i ask him something and he has to answer or sometimes he will act like he did not hear me. please give me advice i just cant take it anymore. even if i try to talk to him about how i feel he brushes it off or he makes me feel like everything is my fault so i end up apologizing to him. im just so sick of it. please help

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rob333

(((hugs to you tiredoffighting))) I wish I could say more that would make you feel better. I hope you can get away from him for the sake of the child. If there is a women's shelter in your area, they can help you get back on your feet if you want to get away from him with nothing. Try to protect yourself financially and talk with someone where you live to make concrete steps to leave. I can't see any reason you should stay if he really doesn't care about you. Even if you care about him. I am so so so sorry for you. Take care of you.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2012 at 3:00PM
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azzalea

Yes, you have to get out of there. If you're having a hard time seeing that for yourself, think about this.

IF you stay and raise your baby there, your child at BEST will be growing up in a house where mental abuse is the norm. He/she won't know what it means to live in a loving family where the members respect and care about each other. That means, if you stay in this situation, you doom your child to a lifetime of probably being disfunctional in all relationships, and they probably won't ever really be happy, may even turn into abusers themselves. On the other hand, the child may grow up thinking it's okay to be abused--because that's the example Mom set--do you want to see your little one hurt the way you're being hurt? That's more than likely going to be the result if nothing changes.

Worse, your husband could be abusive to your child, and physically hurt them. You'll feel awful, if your child is physically harmed or killed, and you realize that you could have prevented it by leaving when you had the chance.

I'm so sorry to be so blunt about the situation, but what you describe is totally unacceptable--for you and for a child. You MUST find a way to make things better for that little one who doesn't deserve to live like that. Please, contact a shelter, or your pastor, or a helpful family member, find a way out. Get some training, if necessary, so you can be independent and support your child. Go to counselling to help you better understand how this happened, how you can recognize the signs earlier, how you can prevent being abused in future. Please--get the help you need now. And most of all? Find a way to be happy!

    Bookmark   September 4, 2012 at 10:00PM
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colleenoz

Well, doesn't he sound like a real prize? Just the sort of person you want to spend the rest of your life with and be a role model for your child (I'm assuming you'd be smart enough not to have another with him)?
As the others have said, seek out help, now. Ask your family, find a women's shelter, ask a minister, but just do it. Seek legal advice as to the divorce laws in your state as they apply to you. That will help your finances until you can get on your feet and be self supporting. Get counselling and do not leap into another relationship in a hurry, wait and be very very choosy if at all.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2012 at 11:30PM
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scarlett2001

I'm not doubting you for a minute, but...I remember how awful I felt 9 months pregnant - everything seemed like a really big, hopeless, unendurable mess. Can you just take a break from him and stay with a friend for awhile? After you deliver and everything shakes out, then see if it is really as bad as you think it is today. If so, then it is time to reexamine your options. Pregnancy can be a very trying time for both husband and wife and sometimes people don't act as they should, but things may get better later.

    Bookmark   September 5, 2012 at 3:01AM
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worriedone

You are here looking for answers when you already know them. Why would you stay with someone that doesn't even treat you with respect? Don't you feel you are worthy? Pregnant or not - begin the steps to BECOME INDEPENDENT or you will spend your LIFETIME in fear, doubt and being controlled. I KNOW. I have just begun the steps myself after 28 years of hell. Your spouse is showing signs of being passive aggressive. These are YOUR words: "...treated me like he just does not love me or just does not care about me..." OWN THEM. And do something FOR YOURSELF instead of waiting for HIM to complete your life for you. For IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. Begin online classes, volunteer - babysit - ANYTHING to get your OWN $$$$ and some independence. Save. SAVE.SAVE. Do NOT expect others to give you advice. Try couple counseling just to see if there is any hope while saving YOUR OWN sanity. YOU ARE NOT CHATTEL. Good luck to you. It won't be easy - but YOU WILL SUCCEED.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 10:39AM
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emma

Leave.... he won't stop until you remove yourself.

1 Like    Bookmark   October 31, 2013 at 10:29PM
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flowersnhens

Why on earth are you still there?? Ridiculous !!. Is this the life you want??
There is someone out there who will treat you with love and respect. That moron you are with doesnt deserve your time. Get out !! Once you do it, you will wonder what took you so long when life starts feeling good!!!

    Bookmark   November 12, 2013 at 7:31PM
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johnbul

These men are seriously.. crap!! there deeds are painful, i know that, you just face your problems being confident. I am sure he have to pay for his deeds.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2013 at 4:46AM
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Gitterbug23

Omg I am going through the same thing. Wally treats me like crap too. Im 18 weeks pregnant and he doesn't help me or says I love you and etc!! He use to be a prince to me, he was treating me like a queen and saying loves me million times a day awwww and he would be all over me and buy me things. I miss my old Wally. He's lazy and we share an apartment with me. Please help!!!! What can I do. He don't want counseling or talk to me about our feelings!! He blames everything on me!! Help somebody!!

Yours truly.
Andrea.

    Bookmark   October 25, 2014 at 12:35AM
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colleenoz

Andrea, I'd strongly urge you to get counselling for yourself to sort out how _you_ feel about your situation. You need to decide if you're going to continue in this dysfunctional relationship indefinitely (clearly Wally does not feel the need to change so you can't expect the relationship to change) or to move on and find the life you do want.

If I was your Mom I'd say, come home honey, we'll work it out. Do you have a similar option?

Being a single, happy mother would have to be better for you and your child than being a miserable married mother. The hormones your body must be generating as the result of your unhappiness can't be good for your baby.

And why would you think Wally might treat your baby (once s/he is born) any better? Is that the life you want for your child?

These are all questions you need to find your own answers for. I wish you well.

1 Like    Bookmark   October 25, 2014 at 1:14AM
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twilight11

That's not a good situation to be in considering you are pregnant and vulnerable . Do you have a support system some close family member or friend you can confide your problem . You need to find a way to get out of this situation .. Either your husband needs to change and give you the respect and attention you deserve or you need to get yourself out of this situation you are in .

2 Likes    Bookmark   October 28, 2014 at 2:19AM
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Andrea Kirsten Potratz

Hi this Andrea again. After I wrote this I miscarried. I had to deliver the baby gone. I was so sad badly. It was a girl. And I miscarried before this one again at 5 months. This happened twice. But I ain't giving up. I have 4 children and I love them very much with all my heart:-) and my mom n dad and my brothers and sister's and I'd die for them all. And I love Wally still with all my heart. Even though he treats me bad. He still the same way. He mean and rude to me. He ignores me and gets mad when I cry for him. He just uses me. When I first met him he was so nice and sweet to me. He would treat me like a queen and he'd cry for me when I'm not there. Awwwwwww that's why I fell for him and then a year later he started treating me like crap:-( and I do everything for him. I know he gave up on me. I miss my sweet loving Wally. He'd always hold me and kiss me:-) but now no more. What do I do!!!! Please help me with some advice. I'm really hurting inside. I'm sooooooo friggin heart broken. It won't stop hurting and I still love him with all my heart. I cry everyday for him. I just close my and I think about my sweet Wally. We were friends at first and then we both fell for each other. Awwww it was so sweet and nice when he treated me with love. I was so happy. I want that back from him. Somebody please pray that my old loving Wally comes back to me please. Help. God bless you all.

    Bookmark   20 hours ago
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Andrea Kirsten Potratz

Oh and thank u for your comments. God bless you all:-)

    Bookmark   20 hours ago
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Suzieque

Andrea - PLEASE do stop trying to add yet another child to this mess. So you love children - that's great. But it would be a huge disservice to a child to bring him or her into your marriage as it stands now. You've got 4 kids; try to make a good and happy life for them.

As for Wally, by now you've not caught on that your old Wally is coming back? That ship has sailed, my friend. You've been praying (and asking for prayers) that you get your Wally back. Perhaps God is answering your prayers and telling you that the old Wally is gone and that you need to stand up for yourself and your children rather than just crying all the time. Rather than continuing to ask God for the return of Wally, I suggest you ask God to help you know what His plan is for YOU, and how YOU should proceed.

I mean this gently, sort of, but time to stop sniveling, put your big girl panties on, and get your life in order.

    Bookmark   12 hours ago
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