No sex Marriage
I was browsing and found this forum and read other similar stories about marriages with no sex. I really thought I was the only one and the complete anguish I feel is overwhelming. My husband also seems to have no sex drive and now I actually feel luckier than many as the last time we had sex was in April 2008.
I've been married three years to a mostly lovely man and while we dated, he couldn't keep his hands off me, but as soon as we got married, it stopped. We probably had sex every couple weeks the first year, but then maybe we have had sex once a month the second and less the third year now. I've asked him about it, he always promises it will be better, but it never is. I don't think I'm oversexed and I don't think he's ready to hang up his sex life just yet. We are aged 34 and 40.
I've written him letters, offered counselling, but he assures me it isn't me. Complicating matters are a few issues. He lost his mother a little over a year ago and a cat he has had for fourteen years, (his longest relationship really, is ill now and isn't expected to live much longer) As silly as it sounds, it sometimes feels he can relate better to the cat as she doesn't talk. They share a real intimacy and she actually comes to bed at night to tuck him in. ( I'm not kidding). We lack that intimacy.
I used to ask for sex periodically, but now, I don't feel like it as I know I will be rejected. We don't make out, we don't hold hands and we don't even sit with one another in the living room. I know he is a man capable of great love, as I see him giving it to our cat. But not to me. He says I am jealous of her, perhaps I am. I just wish he could relate to me the same way.
I think I am the loneliest I have ever been right now and I really don't know what to do. I suppose I am looking for the support I don't get as I don't have close friends, so no one knows about this but me. I can't carry the burden any longer.