Would you be upset?

Scotty1August 2, 2002

Would you be upset if you caught your husband masterbating? Not even sure if I can say that word here. I don't want to go into details, but I might be in trouble.

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Vickey

No I wasn't

    Bookmark   August 2, 2002 at 5:52PM
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amygdala

There are readable books about human sexuality; in a scholarly sense. You can look in a book store, or try for text books if you live near a college or university.

Basically, read up on 'what is currently known' or 'known to be normal' and why, in a general sense. Some things are more gender specific, but there is a huge range of normal. You can find out, through books or asking your doctor about what kinds of physical behaviours are 'normal.'

What is upsetting though is a very personal and subjective sort of thing. The trick from this side of the issue is to spend some time reflecting on why it was upsetting (the idea?, the sight?, is there something you feel that is or could be implied by that act which is painful to you?). Basically you can kind of reflect and brainstorm from what you know of yourself and your background to figure out what about the situation was upsetting; and why (to you).

The details may be important to determining whether it's useful to be upset, or how to proceed. If there were any props, or images used; some of those can be illegal or they can be things which if you got to see them (and his response) might well cause some reflexive sense of upset or insult or outrage.

I don't know, but I do know at least one way to kind of go about figuring out if it's worthwhile to be or to stay upset once upset (and if that was the event that set it off)

    Bookmark   August 3, 2002 at 8:02AM
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akaDenise

Scotty1,

There isn't enough information to answer your question. My first reaction is say that masturbation is natural and normal and that even people with great sex lives masturbate. But your last sentence "I don't want to go into details, but I might be in trouble." makes me think there is a whole lot more to this. I could start jumping to conclusions and try to address each assumption, but that's a waste of time. How about I just say that usually you shouldn't be upset, but sometimes the circumstances are such a big deal that you need to deal with them right away. I think you need to have a talk with your husband.

Denise

    Bookmark   August 4, 2002 at 4:54PM
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LianneNJ

i think masturbation within a marriage is a completely normal and very healthy happening, and no, i've never caught him, but i'd like to ;o)

    Bookmark   August 5, 2002 at 12:03PM
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Scotty1

I was caught by my wife. But we talked this weekend and I think it will be okay. She's not thrilled but we only see each other on weekends. Too long a wait for me. I guess she was surprised. She doesn't believe it's normal but I hope she'll get used to it? Thanks!

    Bookmark   August 5, 2002 at 4:13PM
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lpolk

Totally normal. Better than getting "relief" somewhere else, if you know what I mean. Just make sure she knows that its not a rejection of her, that you still desire her. Use it or lose it, works with libido and with memory!!

    Bookmark   August 5, 2002 at 4:37PM
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akaDenise

Scotty1,

Ahh, I didn't realize you were the husband. Now your comment makes lots more sense. She'll get used to it, don't worry. I don't want to cross the line and start a discussion on sex here. But you can help her get used to the idea if you're willing to include her a few times. Let her help or even just watch you.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2002 at 4:39PM
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Scotty1

Well I can't really include her. I work 1st shift and she works 2nd shift. So I'm asleep when she gets home, and she's asleep when I get up at 4AM. So we have Saturday & Sunday. But she left work early last week, and oops!! Surprise!! So it's not her fault, but I get bored at night!

    Bookmark   August 5, 2002 at 5:29PM
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Carina

Scotty, I believe it's completely normal - for either partner. :)
And yes, I "caught" him once. I thought it was cute. Does your wife feel like you don't find her attractive, perhaps...that it's some sort of rejection of her? If you think that's the case, you can work on that, tell her you fantasize about HER during masturbation. Buy flowers. Talk. Hug. Like that.

    Bookmark   August 6, 2002 at 1:20AM
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sodbuster

akaDenise..........I would think if she were interested in watching him masturbate or helping, he would not be needing to masturbate in the first place!

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 7:11AM
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crazyhawk58_gmail_com

My old man and I have been together for the better part of
30 years. He has no worries about"getting caught". He invites me to watch and he watches me. This is an excellent way to get to know what your partner likes. How he likes to be touched. and vice versa. I get incredibly turned on, watching. I still watch, when he's not aware of it. I have always loved this. There is something so primal about a man with his cock, in his hand. Thanks.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2011 at 12:45AM
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tracystoke

LOL,too much info.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2011 at 9:45AM
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