It just keeps getting worse...

icravemymanAugust 5, 2008

My husband and i had a awful fight lastnight - he just would not give it up and the kids were there, He said stuff that tore my heart out. My two kids are 9 and 7 his kids are 11 and 5 and they heard it all- i begged him to take in the other room and quiet down but he said out loud that he did not care. He said i hope my kids go home and tell my ex how miserable my life is married to a stupid B and told me that it took 14 yrs for his exwife and him to get to how he feels now and only 1yr with me. he said that he fall out of love with me months ago and that he dreads me. Dreads looking at me, touching me and hearing my voice. tells me that i ruined everything about his life. Said he does not crave me. Then said all he wanted to say - cut me off everything i tried to say then told me shut my mouth and go to bed or was leaving the house and i would regret what happened- Then he slept in daughters room. What a butt.. Today he just said he was sorry and acts like nothing happened - I felt like i needed to not just let it go and wanted to talk but he got all mad again and told me that he was glad that my lunch break was over so that he could get off the phone. then told me not to call him back from work the rest of the day even if i am hurt or he would not be home when i get home from work - Then hung up telling me "My life is miserable - you make me miserable- you disguist me". I called my 7yo daughter on her cell phone to tell her that i loved her and to check in - he is keeping all 4 kids and she said cried wanting me home said that all day he was mean to her and my son and was letting his girls do whatever they wanted - said that he would not give them drink or anything. I guess he taking it out on my kids. I dread even going home today... I might call him just so that he will leave....

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ljtseng

Wow. Certainly if he wants to fight with you that is one thing but to bring your kids into it and treat them that way...that is just unacceptable. I dont have kids but i wouldn't even allow my husband to treat my dog that way. I think you need to protect your children from this abuse.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2008 at 2:20PM
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asolo

Assuming your description is accurate.....

That's it. What you've described is a big deal. Take your kids and get out of there. Figure it out later. Normal people don't act like this. Suspect there's much more stuff going on with him that you don't know, even now. Suspect you may be in danger.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2008 at 2:59PM
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catlettuce

Are you at work? Do you have anyone that could go get your kids til you can get them? I agree, LEAVE and don't look back.

~Cat

    Bookmark   August 5, 2008 at 3:50PM
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carla35

There are things that can slip out in the heat of an argument, and things that maybe go a little too far, but this stuff is too much and I really don't understand the back and forth of it. Either he loves you and wants to be with you, or he hates you and you disquist him. It doesn't even sound like a depression like thing on his part. I'm still not doubting an affair. In fact, I'd lay money on it. That 'may' somewhat explain the extremes in his feelings for you.

What really, really gets me is that he is being mean to your kids. But, don't read too much into it; kids have a way of playing off parents especially if they know they are fighting. I would definitely check into it, and see what happens when you are there. I'm guessing the kids are old enough to get their own drinks, etc. But obviously if there is real abuse going on with them, get them out asap. He really doesn't sound like a winner no matter how cute he is or sexually attracted you are to him.... some things just aren't worth the trouble. Take care and keep us updated and keep your kids safe.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2008 at 4:58PM
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popi_gw

Drastic situation, you need to have a clear head and operate in survival mode.

Don't engage in more arguments with him.

Involving children in this dispute is terrible and cruel.

Please think about your options, where you can go, who can help you, money issues.

Please keep talking, here.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2008 at 8:45PM
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mom2emall

Hi,

I just read this forum on occasion and I have not seen any previous posts from you. But from this post alone I say that it is time to get out! I saw several red flags in this post.

1. screaming in front of the children
2. comparing your relationship to the failed one with his ex
3. saying he is not in love with you
4. saying he is not attracted to you
5. if the kids are being truthful about him being mean to them that is another red flag

From this post I do not see any reason to stay and put up with this. I know from experience that when you have children already the first year of a marriage can be the most difficult. But if it is this bad already I see no reason to stay. I could not get past that argument, nor would I want to.

If I were you I would get my life in order ASAP. If he is being mean to your kids you need to leave now! If not, start saving money in a secret account and planning your way out. Start buying things for your new place and keeping the items with relatives. Get yourself set and then get out. Nobody should live like this.

    Bookmark   August 9, 2008 at 4:43PM
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biwako_of_abi

In addition to the thought that he might be having an affair, it occurs to me that he might be insane or at least have a severe personality disorder. Did you know him long or well before getting married?

    Bookmark   August 9, 2008 at 7:33PM
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linda117117

I agree with the rest. Get out. What this man said to you was unforgivable. Saying one thing in the heat of an argument is something you could get over, but this man verbally abused you by the sounds of things over and over again. He apparently was just letting it all out, didnt care who he hurt in the process including his own kids. If this is what your marriage is in one year, why waste anymore time. Right now he's verbally abusive, talk to his ex wife, I bet you find out he is also physically abusive. Could you honestly ever forgive or forget the things he said to you? The damage is done. Get you and your kids out of there.

    Bookmark   August 12, 2008 at 10:18AM
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tammypie

Wow. Didn't you know that the "Brady Bunch family" is unrealistic?

    Bookmark   August 28, 2008 at 1:19PM
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finedreams

is he using drugs? sounds like that to me.
Get your kids out ASAP. Why do you allow him to mistreat your kids?

    Bookmark   August 30, 2008 at 7:28PM
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marge727

I remember reading your first post about how you are still interested in sleeping with this guy. Frankly I would be more interested in running him over with the family car. If you are attracted to such abusive men I suggest you give up on guys permanently until your kids are old enough to take karate lessons.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2008 at 3:55AM
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stargazzer

If you are married to him, don't get out. Get a lawyer and get orders for him to get out of the house. I had a problem after a year of marriage, my husband saw a lawyer and he told him the judge may give me both houses. LOL Scared him a little. If you leave him it is abandonment. If he gets a lawyer first, he can get an order to evict you, he will most likely get the house because judges don't like to change their own orders.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2008 at 2:03PM
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scarlett2001

Marge, very funny! I hope their family car is a giant truck.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2008 at 9:18PM
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alphacat

I agree with stargazzer -- whatever you do, do your best not to leave. Instead, goad him into leaving, and then change the locks and call your lawyer.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2008 at 11:55PM
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marge727

Alphacat and Stargazer are giving legal advice. I'm an attorney and I wouldn't give her advice about property issues. I don't know whether she is in a community property state or not. I don't know whether they even own a house or whether it has any equity in it. What Stargazer and alphacat are suggesting is a forfeit--that's not part of U.S. family law.
Talk to an attorney; in some states you can get an order forcing him out of the family home if he is violent. That doesn't mean you get to keep all of it-it still may have to be sold as part of the property settlement.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2008 at 6:15PM
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cccc_2008

My heart goes out to you. Abuse whether emotional or physical is nothing nice. People can make jokes about the situation, like running him over with the family car, but let me say this, living in the situation and living outside of it is totally different...seek professional counseling immediately.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2008 at 12:14AM
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silversword

"I called my 7yo daughter...he is keeping all 4 kids and she said that he would not give them drink or anything..."

Child abuse. Granted, kids do make things up, but who wants to risk it?

Did anyone read about the girl they just found whose sm had denied her water and food?

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

My heart goes out to you, and especially your kids. They don't understand nor deserve this. Get them out while you can.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2008 at 11:35AM
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silversword

I just read your other post. Sounds like he has been keeping things from you for a while, and you were having issues before. Please, understand a man who really loves you would not be treating you this way. A man who really loves his children would not speak to someone in this way when they are anywhere near him. A man who deserves to be around your children would never speak to their mother this way.

The red flags are flapping in the wind.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2008 at 12:05PM
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