I just wanted to give an update to my story, and give everyone here a big hug and thank you for all the good advice and support.
My problem was with a work-obsessed wife who had no time for the marriage( I posted under jsbach to preserve anonymity ). This problem became much worse over time, with the stress level around the house, the chaos on the home front, and the constant anger of DW being a huge issue, but with her total denial of it being a problem, it was always "after X things will get better"
Well, based on the good advice of folks here, I built up a support network who helped me understand my wife's obsessive, addictive behavior (they call work addictions "the best dressed addiction", because from the outside it just looks like dedication to the job), and also my co-dependency/enabling DW to live like that. I also read a book "Codependent No More", which I'd highly recommend for anyone who thinks they are in a relationship with an addicted person.
Slowly my thinking on the situation got clear, I realized what I'd been doing and the unhealthy "dance" we were involved in, and with the support of my new friends, I have been able to start backing away from the constant support of DWs sick behavior.
She finally noticed I wasn't a doormat any more, and last week we had "the conversation", she made it clear she preferred the job to me, denied she had any problem, and that is that..I'll be talking with the lawyer to make it all official....
Frankly, since I "detached", life is calmer, I actually sleep better, and the stress level has dropped to almost nothing...
So thanks guys, you literally saved me, my health was going to pieces, I feel better now than I have in years, and my support folks are checking in with me on a regular basis to see how I'm doing, so I don't feel like I'm alone in this process.
Thanks, I owe you all!
Here is a link that might be useful: Original Posting