Am I being Immature?
My wife and I have been married over 9 years. We are both 34 years old and have two children (10 &6) . I am currently deployed to Iraq and have been here 13 months now and have two months left. While I was gone my wife moved home to her Mother's house so we could save money to buy a house next year. I went on mid-tour and visited her in February which was the 7 month mark being gone. A few months after my mid-tour my wife started pulling away from me, always too busy to talk, getting upset easily at me on the phone, Emails were always brief and didn't mention me anymore (ie. talking about our future or me coming home like they use to). I could definitely tell there was something wrong. I confronted her several times until she finally admitted she did something bad. She tells me that because of the seperation and all of our problems we have had in the past (which there plenty of) and her being so lonely that she found herself attracted to a "boy" as she calls him, some 23 year old. He is the best friend of her cousin who lives right next door to her mother. She tells me that they only went as far as kissing a few times in the physical part, but she was very attracted to him and he is such a nice guy. They spent some time together going to parties, a concert, and a festival in her town. He spent time around her mom's house "helping her out with stuff". One day they were in the basement and my son walked in on them kissing! She say's that was too hard on her and she called it off with him. She realized that it would go no where and she wanted to stay with her husband. In July she moved back to Hawaii where I am stationed and rented a house for us, moved all of our stuff in from storage and got the place ready for me to come home.
Ok... that's the beginning, Now after digging and questioning, going over phone records and such I found that she had still been in contact with him and had called him several times and had been sending SMS messages to his cell phone while she was in Hawaii. While she was at home her cousin had asked if he could come to hawaii and visit her, oh by the way, he wants to bring a friend, guess who?? She tells me that is why she was calling him, to help them make plans for their visit. So, now the cousin and the friend are in my house, right now as a matter of fact. After she came clean with me I handled it pretty well I think, I told her that we can get over this and it doesn't mean it's over I still love her, but, 'I want this guy out of my house!' I believe this is a reasonable request. Especially after what had happened back then, I would call her and tell her she is acting strange and it is scaring me, I asked her if she was doing anything inappropriate, maybe something she needs to tell me. Her reply's were always so hateful and she became so upset with me "that I could think she would do something like that". She tells me now that she won't kick him out! That she invited them and she is obligated to be a good host. I told her she is obligated to me. She said it would be too embarrassing for her because her Mom would find out. Also he doesn't have enough money to get a hotel until he leaves next week. She tells me it is over between them and I have nothing to worry about. I understand that and I believe it is over, but I can't truly know that and it is too painful for me to know that this guy (who was the aggressor, making the first move and such) is sleeping in my house, watching my TV and still being around my son who took the whole thing very hard. She let's him use my things running around the island snorkeling and hiking. She said I am being Immature about this because I want him out of my house.... ??? She became hysterical and became so pissed off at me that I don't trust her....???
Am I being Immature? I think it is reasonable for me to tell her to kick him out, I don't care where he goes, he could sleep on the street as far as I am concerned, I just want him away from her, my son, and my house. Her only valid argument is that she thinks I would be kicking her cousin out too. I said her cousin doesn't have to leave but if he feels he should go, then bye, pick better friends next time. I still love my wife very much and really believe her when she say's they didn't have sex. I made a similar mistake 3 years ago, I spent 'too much' time with another woman. We didn't have sex but we kissed and touched on a couple occasions. My wife found out and it took a long long time to earn her trust again. I only did this by gathering myself and trying to do everything single thing I could to make her comfortable with me. I told her where I was every minute I was away. I only talked to 'her' once after that and my wife was right there with me. So, I know I am far from perfect, but she also knows what it is like to not be perfect herself now. I don't expect her to be but all I have asked of her so far was to get him out of our house. And she won't do it!!!!