Need some advice about dh's work
I am just doing a reality check, because I am the only one who feels that there is a problem with my marriage. Dh and I have been married 13 years and have 4 kids, ages 4 - 11. We both work, but I am upset to be working 35 - 40 hours per week, while he works 110 - 120. He works a 24- hour shift as a firefighter 2 or 3 days a week, and the other days, drops the kids off at the sitter at 9:00 a.m., and returns at 10:00 p.m. I leave at 6:00 a.m. so I can be home by 4 or 5 in the afternoon.
It is really difficult for me to handle 4 kids and their homework, activities and bedtime by myself. I would accept it if it were necessary, but it isn't. We are not rich, but don't have a problem making our house payment or putting food on the table. It hasn't always been this way - just the last six months or so. Before that, he worked every day, but would at least come home for the evenings. It just seems to be getting gradually worse.
The shiftwork won't change, but the other days, dh is working as an independent contractor and can set his own hours. I think it's fine to work long hours when you're single or childless, but feel that it is selfish and irresponsible of dh to work as much as he does after having four kids. My friends and family just shake their heads and say, "Oh, that's how men are" or "be glad that he is a hard worker" (which I am, of course).
I have asked him repeatedly to come home and help out at night, but he just won't. My feelings are hurt, and I am tired! Am I wrong to feel that he should change his work habits?