Feeling very discouraged by my stepchildren.
So here is my story and I will try to make this as short as possible..
I am in love and married to my best friend. We understand each other, we talk about everything, I never thought it could be possible to be so happy with someone. He always puts me first and does everything in his power to make me happy. He is just the best and I am crazy about him.
We are what most people would say and "already made family". He has two daughters, a 14 and an 11 and I have 4 children, three boys, 10, 8 and 5 and 1 daughter who will be three very soon..
My children have always been my number on priority. Now that I am married I am trying to do this whole "husband and wife are a team" thing but this is a lot hard than I thought, and I now know that I am in for a long and bumpy ride.
From the very beginning I have always taught my boys manners and all about respect. They do not talk back to their elders, they are rarely ever moody and they are pretty darn good kids. I am very lucky! And I am not just bragging because they are my children, they are very very good kids.
Now I love my step daughters and I have known them for a very long time, since they were babies basically, but they stress me out more in one visit than my children do in a month. I get really bad anxiety attacks when they are around and my migraines are tripled with pain, and that is not an exaggeration. It is a sigh of relief every time they leave.
Here is why...
I am not used to children telling their siblings "die in a hole" "I hate you", in fact my children are not even allowed to say the word hate because I feel that it is too harsh of a word. Here are some other words they love; ho, whore slut, the B word, the A word and the F word, and many more. this is not even the 14 year old that does it, it is the 11 year old. please forgive me if I offend because I do not even use these words that is why I am so lost on what to do.)
Also, the girls mother say so many horrible things about my husband. I feel she is psychologically damaging them. Your jaws would drop if you we're in these girls presence. Their mom tells them their father is white trash, that he doesn't love them and that he was going to die because he smokes occasionally, that he spends all his money on my children and not his own (and that couldn't be farther from the truth, nor would I allow that). I have always been my children's main provider and I expect him to be for his children. I do not want any unfairness, but their is. My children hear their stepsisters say these things and they ask " why are they not allowed to say hate or shut up but they are allowed to say it to us."
I'm going to cut through a lot of unnecessary details, because, quite frankly I could go on for hours and hours. It's just a nightmare when they are here. They are rude, they interrupt adult conversation all the time. As old as they are they cannot even say excuse me but yet my 3 and 5 year old can. They say horrible things to each other and every time my husband disciplines the 11 year old she tells him to die in a hole, which is horrifying hearing them talk to him like that. He doesn't deserve it! He is really trying but there is only so much he can do when his x wife is putting so much garbage in their heads. It's emotional and mental abuse. Nothing he says or does works and I am over it. My kids are becoming very unhappy. I know I am supposed to put my husband first, but how can I when I know my children are so unhappy. They have always been there and yeah they will grow up and leave the nest but the stuff the girls do is having a dramatic affect on my boys. They are so impressionable at their ages and just don't want them to be unhappy every time the girls come and I don't want them ever thinking that it is okay to act like them. I have a daughter and I would die if she ended up anything like them.
Anyways my point to this whole mess is that for the past few days I have been second guess my decision to marry and it break my heart because I love him so much, we are best friends and I need him, I am just incredibly unhappy when his kids are around.
Please give me your opinions. They would all be greatly appreciated, even if it seems as if I am over reacting, I need to hear it.