Pre-marital woes... Please Help!
I am in my early 40's and about to become engaged to a man that I have been dating for a little over 3 years. I love him dearly and look forward to a life with him but I have some very real issues with his relationship with his ex-wife.
First off, I must be very honest about myself and my history. I have never been married. I have never been in a healthy long term relationship, nor have I had many examples of healthy relationships. I was a single mom
and after a few attempts at dating when my child was very young, I threw in the towel and focused on being mom. Needless to say, after 8+ years of celibacy blues, I feel very blessed to have found such a great guy.
Now for the problem... He was married for 13 years and they share 3
children( 2 grammar school aged and one pretty irresponsible high-schooler.) They are respectful of me and we get along well. He is a great dad. He has a ton of guilt concerning his divorce and says that he and the ex vowed that the kids would not suffer because of their decision to split. Admirable, right? Well, in order to do this he is at her house EVERY day. He goes their directly after work most days to help out with homework, drop kids at practice, etc. He claims that she isn't there and once she arrives, he leaves. On average it's 3-4 hours per day. Sometimes until 2 in the morning if she goes out and it's a school night ( he has to do dinner and get them in bed...yeah, right). To make matters worse he has keys to her house and until recently, she had keys to his. He claims that it's necessary since the kids are back and forth and always forgetting item
that might be needed when one or the other of them is not home.
During a recent discussion I calmly expressed to him how uncomfortable I was with his current arrangement ( he's been blessed out countless times), especially him having keys to her house. He damn near blew a gasket and told me that I was being very petty and immature about the situation... It's about his kids and nothing else. I then responded that I
could not...WOULD NOT be in a marriage where he and the ex is so cozy. Am I being unreasonable or petty in this situation? Is this what co-parenting looks like in 2010?